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May 06

The Slaadikaar War

30 Comments »

We need an elite team... best get Space Pope!Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: I know what you’re all saying… “This book doesn’t count! It’s clearly self-published!” Well I found in a legit bookstore, dammit, so I say it counts!
Published 2000

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.71 out of 10)
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Feb 09

Fize of the Gabriel Ratchets

83 Comments »

Fly those spacefighters away or she gets it in the cooch.Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: I’ll save you some time looking this up: the title is an anagram for RACIER THIGHS BATTLE FEZ FOE.

Published 1983

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.65 out of 10)
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Aug 26

The Skook

20 Comments »

This? Really? Like... Really?Click for full image

Noel Comments: Skook? You mean you don’t know what a skook is?!?
Published 1986

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.72 out of 10)
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Aug 10

The Paratwa

28 Comments »

They were the best interpretive dance group in the galaxy.Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: And the Hugo Award for Sweatiest Book Cover goes to…
Published 1995

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.03 out of 10)
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Jul 08

The Minikins of Yam

17 Comments »

Aww no fair... she gets an ostrich... all I have is this boring deer!Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: They’ve gone to extraordinary lengths here to make sure nothing on this cover makes any sense. I wonder if it as drawn with the same yellow highlighter that the author used to get high while he was writing the book?
Published 1976

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.18 out of 10)
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Apr 30

Mahars of Pellucidar

17 Comments »

That was close! Good job we wore loincloths today!Click for full UNSHEEPED image

Jun Comments: Octopus + scantily dressed woman + Conan lookalike = classic fantasy cover.
Published 1976

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 3.93 out of 10)
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Mar 03

Trullion – Alastor 2262

15 Comments »

A great day fishing ruined by idiot space ship drivers!Click for full image

John C Comments: Look, you wanted me to modernise the planet so I went to IKEA and got one of their “Flty” anti-gravity beds. It’s not my fault half the bits are missing and the instructions don’t make sense.
Published 1979

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.14 out of 10)
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Jan 06

Rork!

29 Comments »

The Thing, before the thing?Click for full image

Kevin Comments: The title was changed at the last minute to match the involuntary noise the editor made after seeing the cover art.
Published 1977

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.04 out of 10)
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Jul 11

Manalacor of Veltakin

38 Comments »

Great! I hate unoriginal novels...Click for full image

Frank Comments: I’m wondering how long the artist made the lady hold that pose, and whether she got sunburn.
Published 1970

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.53 out of 10)
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Feb 22

Jizzle

27 Comments »

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. Click for full UNSHEEPED image

Joachim Comments: A monkey woman/man (?) or is that a tail… Regardless, two sheep are required.
Published 1962

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.49 out of 10)
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