Jul 29
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Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Okay, this is a Celtic fantasy, so obviously we want a buff surfer dude who is spaced out of his gourd. What? I dunno, put him in a kilt or something. You figure it out, that’s what you’re paid for isn’t it? Anyhow, magic it up. Slap a shiny silver border on with the author’s name in a clashing red font to distract suspicious readers. Anyhoo, I gotta jet, it’s 4:20.
Published 1993
Many thanks to Tom!
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Tagged with: Avonova Books • beard-wielding • bracers • crystal • Daniel Horne • dude • font problems • male skirts • merlin • mullet • muscles • once you see it • scrolls • Song of Albion series • Stephen R. Lawhead • tattoo you • tidal wave • Wizaaaaaaaard!
Jul 28
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Anders Art Direction: A pack of profoundly stoned giant proboscis monkeys in a garden! Nails in his nostrils! Both of them! Wha’? The cover? Knights and princesses and shit. You know, the usual.
Published 2002
Many thanks to Ander!
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Tagged with: bladed weapons • capes • damsel • Darrell K. Sweet • David Farland • dude • forest • horses • knights • once you see it • piercings • plume • strange creature • The Runelords Series • Unicorns!
Jul 27
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Sarah’s Art Direction: So there’s this guy, right? And he’s a lobster. But not really a lobster! Just has a lobster body. Uh, and really skinny arms. And he’s got a parrot for a sidekick, but get this — the parrot is a lobster, too! You getting all of this down, Steve? Ooh, maybe thrown in one of those “Manamanah” things from The Muppets, too. People love those.
Published 1978
Lets just see who that killer crab from the other day really is!
Many thanks to Sarah!
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Tagged with: dude • Keith Laumer • planets • Pocket Books • strange creature • Unknown Artist Institute
Jul 26
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Carolyn Comments: You can probably analyze this better than I! I assume the artist just read the jacket blurb.
Published 1977
“Imagine: Gorilla-shaped bismuth junkies who stack their dead ancestors like cordwood in the living room; gentle souls who can touch with a touch or a thought. A throwback fiefdom on a planet where huge poisonous bats rule the night sky, where serpents the size of semi-trailers slither though the rotting jungle. A sarcastic mansized beetle that’s a Talmudic scholar and swears like a longshoreman. And claims to be immortal. All in a life’s work for Otto McGavin: Prime Operator for the TBII, undercover guardian of the rights of aliens and humans under the Confederacion.”
Mmm… uhh… seriously? That snake doesn’t look too happy.
Outstanding! Good Show Carolyn!
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Tagged with: animals with faces • clouds • dragon • dude • Good Show Sir • hunkbutt • Joe Haldeman • lizards • Paul Stinson • skulls a-poppin' • snake • St Martin's Press • starkers • strange creature • sun • wings • WTF
Jul 23
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Art Direction: I looked, and there before me was a pale Pegasus! It’s rider was named Martin, the local high school geography teacher.
Published 1994
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Tagged with: Avonova Books • castle • clouds • dude • flying horse • horses • Michael Scott Rohan • Rowena A. Morrill
Jul 20
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Neil Comments: May Day May Day, we have a situation up here. At least I think Im in an aeroplane, maybe its some tech suit. Either way I think we should concentrate on a wolf coming out of the clouds.
Published 1990
Many thanks to Neil!
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Tagged with: Baen Books • computers • dude • Roger Zelazny • strange creature • Unknown Artist Institute
Jul 19
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Tommi Comments: The blurb on the back translates as: “… Where Sturgeon, LeGuin, Heinlein and Russ where merely scratching the surface in their attempt to appropriately represent human sexuality in Science Fiction, David Gerrold is digging a deep shaft.” No comment, really, apart from, maybe – uuurgh.
Published 1978
Nice speedos!
Many thanks to Tommi!
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Tagged with: bracers • damsel • David Gerrold • dude • fish people • floating person • German • ginger • Knaur Science Fiction • moon • muscles • non-papillial person • perspective problems • planets • Selecciones Ilustradas Art Group • sixpack abs • Speedos • Spock ears • strapping outfit • sun
Jul 14
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Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Okay, this book is heroic Celtic fantasy, but the question is how do we sell it to the ladies? I’ll tell you how: full frontal nudity. What do you mean we can’t – okay, fine. Throw some strategically placed splashes over it to please the censors. But just so people get the picture, fill the remaining cover space with pictures of swords.
Published 1993
You might remember this from here.
Seriously, why do all these guys shave their body hair?
Amazing! Many thanks to Tom!
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Tagged with: Avonova Books • bladed weapons • Daniel Horne • dude • muscles • scrolls • shields • Song of Albion series • Stephen R. Lawhead • sword • WTF
Jul 12
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Art Direction: We need something that really gets across the feeling of time travel. So, in other words I mean a naked gladiator takes on a Boeing 737. And by naked I just having him at some strange angle so we can’t see his bum crack or giblets. I know, I’m no fun.
Published 1980
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Tagged with: aeroplanes • bladed weapons • dude • hunkbutt • monument • muscles • Pan Books • Richard Ben Sapir • starkers • Terry Oakes • WTF
Jul 09
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Nix Comments: This book is reasonable-if-crappy (it’s a Modesitt, so it has Modesitt’s sole interchangeable plot) and the cover is a pretty good depiction of a scene from the book… but the cover is so badly done it distracted me from reading the book. I’m not even sure what’s wrong with it. Are those bobbleheads or are they actually almost in proportion and merely a horrible example of the dangers of having naturalistic heads and cartoon everything else? I don’t know.
Published 2000
Space pilots are so moody!
Thanks to Nix!
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Tagged with: damsel • dude • ill-fitting spacesuit • L.E. Modesitt Jr. • space ships • Stephen Youll • Tor Books
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