Jul 29
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Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Okay, this is a Celtic fantasy, so obviously we want a buff surfer dude who is spaced out of his gourd. What? I dunno, put him in a kilt or something. You figure it out, that’s what you’re paid for isn’t it? Anyhow, magic it up. Slap a shiny silver border on with the author’s name in a clashing red font to distract suspicious readers. Anyhoo, I gotta jet, it’s 4:20.
Published 1993
Many thanks to Tom!
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Tagged with: Avonova Books • beard-wielding • bracers • crystal • Daniel Horne • dude • font problems • male skirts • merlin • mullet • muscles • once you see it • scrolls • Song of Albion series • Stephen R. Lawhead • tattoo you • tidal wave • Wizaaaaaaaard!
Jul 22
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David Comments: It took me a long time to notice that the naked red man with spikes on his feet and a horn in his forehead is holding his sword in a rather odd way.
Published 1973, 1974 & 1975
Many thanks to David!
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Tagged with: bladed weapons • Bob Haberfield • capes • castle • cleavage • daemons • damsel • eye-yi-yi • floating face • giant birds • horns • horses • long hair • Mayflower Books • Michael Moorcock • mountains • muscles • once you see it • pyramids • strange creature • sword • talons • Unicorns! • volcano • wand • WTF
Jul 19
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Tommi Comments: The blurb on the back translates as: “… Where Sturgeon, LeGuin, Heinlein and Russ where merely scratching the surface in their attempt to appropriately represent human sexuality in Science Fiction, David Gerrold is digging a deep shaft.” No comment, really, apart from, maybe – uuurgh.
Published 1978
Nice speedos!
Many thanks to Tommi!
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Tagged with: bracers • damsel • David Gerrold • dude • fish people • floating person • German • ginger • Knaur Science Fiction • moon • muscles • non-papillial person • perspective problems • planets • Selecciones Ilustradas Art Group • sixpack abs • Speedos • Spock ears • strapping outfit • sun
Jul 14
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Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Okay, this book is heroic Celtic fantasy, but the question is how do we sell it to the ladies? I’ll tell you how: full frontal nudity. What do you mean we can’t – okay, fine. Throw some strategically placed splashes over it to please the censors. But just so people get the picture, fill the remaining cover space with pictures of swords.
Published 1993
You might remember this from here.
Seriously, why do all these guys shave their body hair?
Amazing! Many thanks to Tom!
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Tagged with: Avonova Books • bladed weapons • Daniel Horne • dude • muscles • scrolls • shields • Song of Albion series • Stephen R. Lawhead • sword • WTF
Jul 12
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Art Direction: We need something that really gets across the feeling of time travel. So, in other words I mean a naked gladiator takes on a Boeing 737. And by naked I just having him at some strange angle so we can’t see his bum crack or giblets. I know, I’m no fun.
Published 1980
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Tagged with: aeroplanes • bladed weapons • dude • hunkbutt • monument • muscles • Pan Books • Richard Ben Sapir • starkers • Terry Oakes • WTF
Jun 25
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Art Direction: Sometimes I just would love a big hug from a hunky man with some steroid induced muscles. He would hold me while I sit brooding on a stone floor with the epic backdrop of snow covered mountains. So let’s draw that. Except, don’t draw me. Best put some woman there instead.
Published 2001
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Tagged with: cleavage • damsel • dude • Greenery Press • muscles • Sharon Green • Terrillian Saga
Jun 16
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Rod Comments: Nothing defines fratricide better than man taking on giant praying mantis. Or this that tiny man, regular bug? Either way, it’s a gas, gas, gas …
Published 1979
Many thanks to Rod!
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Tagged with: dude • Futura Publications • giant insects • Lindsay Gutteridge • loincloth • Matthew Dilke Series • muscles • pole weapons • spear • strange creature • Unknown Artist Institute
Jun 15
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Don’s Art Direction: This is a humorous novel about an interstellar diplomat. He’s suave, he’s debonair, and everything in the book’s played for laughs. So we want a horrific tentacle-headed, four-eyed, jelly-legged alien leaping at him with a spear. And we can’t afford the tux rental, so just use whatever your model’s wearing when he comes over from his rehearsal of A CHORUS LINE. But add some muscles! Retief is a two-fisted guy, no doubt with mighty thews! We don’t know what “thews” are, actually, but we’ll know ’em when we see ’em and by God he better have ’em! THEWS!
Published 1983
So it’s comedy. But it’s not a joke on the genre. That’s ok right?
Awesome! Thanks the Don!
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Tagged with: aliens • dude • font problems • gun • Jaime Retief Series • jeans and a t-shirt • Keith Laumer • knights • muscles • once you see it • Pocket Books • pole weapons • Rowena Morrill • spear • strange creature
Jun 08
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Jessie Comments: The marks to the left of the floating cat head are my fault – they’re scratches from when i was ripping off the $1 used book price tag.
Published 1978
I think the scratches are the least of this covers problems!
Many thanks to Jessie!
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Tagged with: anthropomorphism • Boris Vallejo • cat people • Cynthia Felice • double trouble • dude • loincloth • muscles • Pocket Books • space ships
May 21
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Jessie Comments: This cover is so atrocious that every time I go to read it, I just can’t. It’s definitely among the top three worst covers I’ve ever seen.
Published 1995
That is epic. Simply epic! Thanks to Jessie!
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Tagged with: Ace Books • Anne Logston • anthropomorphism • bear • bladed weapons • cat people • Centaur! • damsel • Duane O. Myers • Good Show Sir • halberd • headband • muscles • once you see it • pole weapons • poleaxe • Shadow series • strange creature • sword
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