Good Show Sir

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Tom Noir Comments: Now THAT’S what I call a smoking hot body! I’ll get my coat.
Published 1976

(Average: 5.76 out of 10)

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Tom Noir Comments: Naked cybernetic armed cat woman in an improbable pose bursting through a cover of shiny 3D fonts? This is what happens when cover designers play Bingo. This cover is SO shiny that the camera couldn’t quite deal with it. Pretty much everything that looks black is actually highly-reflective chrome.
Published 1998

(Average: 8.39 out of 10)

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Jen Comments: You know, it’s been a while since I’ve read this, but you’d think I’d remember the part with the giant mecha vs. super soldier race. And boy, is that shiny.
Published 2001

(Average: 6.62 out of 10)

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Dorian’s Art Direction: What do you mean, there are no scantily clad women in the story? No werewolf? No heaps of treasure? No weird monster consisting entirely of teeth and wings? Ah, who cares? No-one ever looks at these things anyway.
Published 1993

(Average: 6.56 out of 10)

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Don’s Art Direction: We don’t want this cover to just jump out at you, we want it to stab you in the eyes with a hot-pink icepick. And our dictionary defines “hermaphrodite” as “bored bloke with major addictions to mousse and Manic Panic”.
Published 1992

Many thanks to Don!

(Average: 8.47 out of 10)

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A heavily armoured sword wielding knight on a metal horse attacks some smoking animals. Why are they smoking? For effect my dear boy! And possibly magic. Anyway, make sure those animals are mean! I want red eyes and snarls!

(Average: 7.00 out of 10)

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The shine! We are all about the shine. But we’re lacking somewhere, there is just something we need to push the readers right over the edge and into the pit of greatness. Got it! Half-naked faeries and royal elves. Making one of them look like an Elizabethan queen will drive all the boys crayze-Z!

(Average: 7.71 out of 10)

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Hey man! Oh, everyone else is out getting dip, but sit down. Oh … For that cover, I was thinking man-tigers, multiple. Standing beside a glorious master man-tiger encased in some sort of strange uncomfortable looking weapon suit. Thoughts? Yeah, of course we can get the others to pick up some Chinese food.

(Average: 7.39 out of 10)

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So I climbed over the mountain peak and made my way through the snow storm. I was close to death and feared I may never see another living soul again. Then I stumbled on the temple, and the great master. There he leaned forward from his mediation. Placing a single flower petal in my hand he whispered, ‘shoulder pads’. It changed my life.

(Average: 7.79 out of 10)

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In my life time, I’ve seen dragons vs lasers, dragons vs swords, even dragons vs man-tigers. Where haven’t we gone you ask? Well my dear friend, let me but whisper these words into your ear and pray they don’t start to bleed with pleasure. Dragons vs Concordes! That’s right, with shoulder pads and eighties hair cuts!

(Average: 6.90 out of 10)

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