Nov 03

She collects Faux-nan action figuresClick for full image

Alice Comments: Know what else Tolkien readers are fans of? Little naked elf girls.
Published 1971

You might remember this from here.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.13 out of 10)

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18 Responses to “The Tritonian Ring”

  1. JuanPaul Says:

    It’s the novel that Tolkien fans really wanted, with naked elves, buff warriors, and acid trips!

    *deep sexy voice* Helloooo Galadriel

  2. fred Says:

    And it’s got 100% more crabs than Tolkien had.

  3. Bibliomancer Says:

    She has a ponytail where the ponies have them.

  4. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Yes, that whole thing is her head.

  5. fred Says:

    And it’s got 100% more warriors riding crabs than Tolkien had.
    Why didn’t the dots over the ‘ i ‘ s get the curlicue treatment.

  6. A.R.Yngve Says:

    So, is that like the Sword & Sorcery version of the Japanese horror classic THE RING…?

    “What sort of strange book is that, Gundolf?”
    “Foolish hobbit! Do not open the Tritonian Book! Do not read it! If you do, the curse of the book will strike you dead within three days… unless you pass on the book to another person and make her read it.”

  7. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “For the fans of Tolkien’s ‘Lord of the Rings'”…
    …because nothing says “Sword and Sorcery” like embarrassing butt hair.

  8. Anna T. Says:

    She’s hanging out naked in the woods – she’s probably a dryad, not an elf. I mean, I know elves like nature, but I’ve never heard of them being nudists.

  9. SI Says:

    Half man all crab!!!

  10. Tat Wood Says:

    She’s going to sue the media

  11. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I guess, what I want to know is, are those her eggs surrounding her on strands? Or whose?

  12. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Oh, there are so many things one wants to know. Like, who taught the artist how to use foreshortening (check out her teeny little right arm)? Why is there an extra space before the closing quotation marks after “Lord of the Rings”? Why is he wearing such a funny hat? And, given the derivation of “Tritonian” (Triton→Trident→Three teeth) + “Ring” does this mean we have a three-ring circus?

  13. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    And she was drifting through the cover
    And she was taking off her dress
    And she was moving very slowly
    Cross-legged on her arse

    Moving into the fields of kelp, and she’s
    Drifting this way and that
    Not touching the crab at all, and she’s
    Down below the blurb…

  14. JuanPaul Says:

    Could this hairy elf be the grandmother of the furry cult phenomenon?

  15. THX 1138 Says:

    Hello, Tony? Got a book here that I suggested I ring you. What about? Um, naked little girls with tails and crabs. Tony? You still there? Tone! TONY?! Please yourself.

  16. RachelJ Says:

    @JuanPaul. If so, any chance we can travel back in time and slay her?

  17. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Rachel: but what if she were also the grandmother of the vore phenomenon?

  18. lctwice Says:

    Watch out, crab rider, she’s ripped out the vertebrae of better men than you.

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