Dec 07

Good evening, and welcome to a private showing of three paintings, displayed here for the first time. Each is a collectors’ item in its own way – not because of any special artistic quality, but because each captures on a canvas, and suspends in time and space, a frozen moment of …

OK, that’s just a Rod Serling Night Gallery quote I copped off of IMDB. But here, for your consideration, are three cover submissions that didn’t make the cut. Not because they aren’t terrible. Not because they are based on a franchise. Not because they are parody or comedy. Not because … well, just because …


Boob Tube?Click for larger image

Raoul Comments: That 70s Show.
Published 1975


I've been hitchhiking for an hour. Why can't I get a ride?Click for larger image

Alice Comments: “Let the Magic Journey begin! Oh crap. Wher’d my ass go?”.
Published 1988



Sheep!Click for larger image

Maureen Comments: Click all you want. No boobs under the sheep.
Published 1972


Oh, and Tag Wizard sent me this racism and dared me to post it. Now you owe me a pint:

Chinese GSS is going to have a shit fitClick for larger image

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.85 out of 10)

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21 Responses to “Honourable Mentions 17”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    #1 I hate to bring him up yet again, but Trumpy – you can do stupid things!

    #2 “OK, I’ll give it another twenty minutes…”

    #3 “Worry not, my woolly brethren – it’s a Canadian tuxedo for me, all day, every day.”

    #4 This is from the BBC’s Pidgin News site, isn’t it?

  2. Bibliomancer Says:

    1. Harlan’s lurking waiting for a lunge at that boob.

    2. ♫♪ The Magical Mystery Journey is coming to take you away …♫♪

    3. Watch out sheep, he’s sportin’ more than one staff.

    4. The poo poo would spread more evenly if he tossed it against a fan.

  3. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    10/10 for the last cover alone.

  4. fred Says:

    1. Damn right Harlan, you ARE #1 even if they call you a glass teat.

    2. But the wheel is Progress and there is a People using it so the blurb is wrong.

    3. Glenn Ford, best Hollywood sheep man ever.

    4, Could find absolutely nothing about this book so here is ‘Colorectal Quotations”
    – Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine.

  5. Francis Boyle Says:

    I think I read the story of Hargan Eggison in a saga once.

  6. Longtime_Lurker Says:

    Ah, flashbacks. The second cover mentions The Sterile Cuckoo, which was filmed, starring Liza Minelli. I saw that film wih my baby sister in 1969. I thought it was good then. God knows what I’d think of it now, although the film is certified 88% fresh and the reviews of the novel on Goodreads are decent.

    But cover #4: Jeezus H. Christ on a bike. What in the name of God were they thinking?!

  7. Longtime_Lurker Says:

    A quick google shows that #4 can be bought from various places including Amazon and eBay. If you’re desperate you can “buy it now” on eBay for $137. If less desperate you can get it on Amazon for a tenner. There are 3 reviews on Amazon, all 5-star. Read & weep. Nothng about the author except that he was apparently a geography teacher and was in Taiwan before 1969, when the book was published.

  8. Tat Wood Says:

    1. ‘Repent Hallucinogens’ Said the Tit-Shot Man.
    2.How the Wizard of Loneliness his big start.
    3. At last – Lemmy makes it onto Mount Rushmore.
    4. Matt Damon as Charlie Chan – Ah so! Onloboow Astlonaut science shit out of plobrem.

  9. Tor Mented Says:

    How is it that the poo poo book is not number two?

  10. B. Chiclitz Says:

    1. Bibliomancer took my joke. I got nothing else.😥

    2. This “New Wave” Lego stuff is getting kind of weird.

    3. The emphasis on “breaking out of a commune” implies that people usually struggle to break into communes. I hadn’t noticed that as a social trend.

    4. I’m not touching this one, and with good leason.

  11. Raoul Says:

    1. I thought it was only the poors sucking off the teat of the welfare state.

    2. OnStar® said they be here in 15 minutes. That was 15 years ago.

    3. He had to flee the commune when he realized each sheep was a reincarnation of his dead aunts and uncles.

    4. This book is a road of clap.

  12. Tat Wood Says:

    I admire your optimism in creating a tag for Harvey E Ward. Just on the off-chance…

  13. Alice Says:

    Next time I order Chinese I’m going to pass on the pu pu platter.

  14. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Okay Round 2:
    1. “Fuck you, Rednose!”

    2. Needs a “Bighanditis” tag.

    3. The Sheep Give Up

    4. Still not touching this; I’ve rearned my resson.

  15. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I’ve been smacked in the gob.

    “Just because” is indeed all the reason needed.

    1. I can’t figure out at all WTF is going on in the very deep background (off to the left, also behind the clown). Overly groovy.

    2. Skeleton with a bow and arrow in a cart… not going to journey much. And another cover/blurb mismatch.

    3. I wasn’t aware that 70’s communes had such heavy security that you had to break out. You couldn’t walk out after dinner when everyone lit up? Or while you’re tending the sheep?

    Also, WTF is with his trousers? I don’t care what he’s got in there, it (or the trousers) shouldn’t be shaped like that.

    4. I, uh… Who thought this title was a good idea even at the time? It’s not even proper racist Chinese-English!

  16. jrdelirio Says:

    “the famous pain-in-the-ass writer”… did Harlan write the blurb himself?

  17. ChineseGSS Says:

    Not happy. Book is from Taiwan. Makes rest of China look bad.

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @B’mancer (2): forgot to say I agree with every point you made there. Good Show, Sir.

    @Chinese GSS: You could always denounce it as evil capitalist propaganda, not product of Glorious ROC.

  19. JuanPaul Says:

    Publisher: Now, Harlan, I don’t want you to give this one another weird title. We gotta sell these things you know. Is that clear?

    Harlan (muttering): Clearer than a glass teat.

    Publisher: What was that?

    Harlan: Nothing…

  20. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @jrdeliro: I’ve read “The Glass Teat”, and there are paragraphs where you can’t hear the TV over the sound of Ellison patting himself on the back.

  21. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Bruce: a perfect description.

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