Sep 03

I'm too sexy for my ... Hazmat suit?Click for larger image

Mosquito Wenzi Comments: I need three young people in matching jumpsuits looking incredibly disturbed by a bald head. Can they win the race against time and baldness?

Published 1985

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.27 out of 10)

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20 Responses to “Race Against Time”

  1. THX 1139 Says:

    Patrick Stewart surprises his fans.

  2. Francis Boyle Says:

    I’m pretty sure this is a scene from Star Trek: The Next Penetration. It’s certainly awkward enough for porn.

  3. fred Says:

    To borrow a Deadpool 2 joke, I thing baldy is shirt cocking it, full Winnie the Pooh.

  4. Tat Wood Says:

    These kids are in positions consistent with running, but there’s not enough room behind them to give them a run-up. So are they all modelling velour onsies for Argos?

  5. Anna T. Says:

    I don’t see garbage bag fashion catching on.

    And the guy seems to be trying to impersonate young Mark Hamill.

  6. B. Chiclitz Says:

    That new judge Capt. Picard is a real stickler for detail. Now you actually have to go into outer space to audition for “Dancing With the Stars”!

  7. Bibliomancer Says:

    “Hey guys, you liked my bald head look so much I decided to do the full manscaping!”

  8. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Velour jumpsuits, the fabric of the future. Always have been, always will be.

    I’m worried about the Hamill impersonator’s neck. And the eyes of the other two.

    Why do baldy’s ears glow?

    Isn’t there a “jumpsuit” tag? And “baldy bald man”?

    Doesn’t look to be the shape of P.Stew’s head. That, plus the fact it’s Piers Anthony makes me think the combo of fred and B’mancer are likely correct. I can barely see a collar around Baldy’s neck, which means he’s wearing a shirt, but I bet nothing else. The eyeline of the girl and her expression show that something in that area has genuinely scared her.

    Originally published in 1973.

    Goodreads has the horrid truth — the book turns out to be “revoltingly racist”. (Also stupid and badly written, but you knew that from the author’s name).

  9. Francis Boyle Says:

    Yes, the head’s too flat to be Picard. Must be a Ferengi. But the ears are small, so a female Ferengi. But female Ferengi don’t wear clothes (jewelry probably excepted), so a naked Ferengi. The garbage bag trio’s response starts to make sense.

    Also Piers Anthony “revoltingly racist”. You surprise me.

  10. Bruce A Munro Says:

    I see they decided there wasn’t room on the cover for the fourth (black) protagonist. Probably spoiled the composition or something.

  11. Tag Wizard Says:

    @GSSxN – I went with “baldness”. We don’t know if this is a man “baldy bad man”. Also, these are poor excuses for “jumpsuits”. No “trash bag suits” tag available.

  12. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @TW: Bad jumpsuits are still jumpsuits. Come to think of it, are there any good jumpsuits?

    @Bruce: If these three stood up straight, there would have been room for the 4th guy. But leaving him off adds to the whole “revoltingly racist” vibe.

  13. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    Is this some kind of Star Wars parody?

  14. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @A-S: I bet Mr. Royo was hoping you’d think so

    And of course it wouldn’t be Piers Anthony without a shitty “get it? huh? get it?” pun in the title.

    This is so close to jazz hands.

  15. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Tag Wiz: I think this could use the little-known “Star Wars reference” tag.

    As could the ones where they put Larry Niven’s name in that font.

  16. DaveM Says:

    “Look Professor X, this isn’t as bad as it looks… Oh what the heck, we’re in a Piers Anthony book, it’s probably much much perverse than it looks.”

  17. RachelJ Says:

    @DaveM Given that it seems the book’s premise is “Miscegenation Causes the Apocalypse”, I’d say perversity might well be the least of its problems (yes, I know it’s by Piers Anthony, but still…)

  18. A. R. Yngve Says:

    A surprisingly “clothed” cover for Luis Royo – but perhaps he found out what the book was about, and decided to get a small revenge by painting all the characters fully dressed…

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @ARY: Maybe they were originally naked, and the trash bags were hastily added to cover them up.

    Or, like you said, he decided Piers didn’t deserve naked nubile types.

    Could the head be Jeff Bezos, and they’re in his “space”*ship?

    *(Orbit or STFU, Jeff)

  20. A. R. Yngve Says:

    “And now, I shall decide which of you are fertile enough to populate my new Fulfillment Center on the Moon.”

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