Sep 05

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Mrs Jones Comments: Sonny and Cher fantasy fan-fic.

Published 1985

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.00 out of 10)

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20 Responses to “The Last Rainbow”

  1. THX 1139 Says:

    What’s on the end of the stick, Vic?

  2. Longtime_Lurker Says:

    I think we have achieved Peak Generic Fantasy Cover.
    If that be-sandalled foot belongs to the young lady, I think I know what Fats Waller would say to her.

  3. fred Says:

    Does he dye his hair to match the color of his clothing or vice versa?
    Ditch the people, horse, rainbow, water, grass and sky, I want more leaves.

  4. Francis Boyle Says:

    She certainly seems very interested in his, er, stick.

    “The walking stick. It’s a repurposed broom handle I got from a witch. Why do you ask, m’lady.”

  5. JuanPaul Says:

    M’lady, thine inflatable steed needeth more aire. Shall I pumpeth thou upeth?

  6. B. Chiclitz Says:

    He may be proud of his stick, but he’s mere seconds away from a wicked crotch kick.

    @JP— 😉

  7. Bibliomancer Says:

    That rainbow is short a few colors. Is it the Last Rainbow because they ran out of paint?

  8. Raoul Says:

    “Hit me with your rhythm stick, kind sir.”

  9. Lillie Awesome Says:

    It being the last rainbow, you’d think at least one of them might be slightly more interested in it.

    Then again it couldn’t be bothered to even bring a full spectrum to the game, so perhaps who can blame them.

  10. Tor Mented Says:

    Note the stream in the background. It’s one of those funhouse illusions where water seems to flow uphill.

  11. B. Chiclitz Says:

    This cover would be even better if that were an inflatable Unicorns!

  12. Tat Wood Says:

    Some weird perspective issues here: is she very large and riding side-saddle or levitating three feet away from a horse? Is the tree in the bottom right growing horizontally? Is the horse scratching its arse on the painted backdrop of a river and an incomplete rainbow?

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Tat W—I think it’s all set up to make the perfect angle for those crotch kicks, one from the front, one from the rear.

    I also think the rainbow may be inflatable and underinflated, hence the missing colors.

  14. GSS ex-noob Says:

    M’lady Cher wants nowt to do with that pickle, which reflects real life, I think. Possibly gazing upon m’lud Sonny’s waistcoat, she wonders where else yon pickle has been.

    @L_L: Needs a dragon to be peak fantasy cover, and maybe some Ting!

    @B’mancer: I guess it’s the Last Rainbow because rainbows have been deteriorating over the years, and if it loses one more color, it’s not by any stretch of the imagination going to be a rainbow any more. It’s disappearing with the shorter wavelengths first, and when the green goes, that’s it.

    @Tor: I think the stream is explained by it being The Last Rainbow Water Park, Midway, and Gift Shoppe’s lazy river ride. There’s circulating pumps t’other side of the hill.

    @Tat: Another vote for “perspective problems”. It looks to me like Cher is in front of the horse, and levitating. Is the horse even real, or is it a prize won at the water park? Is Cher, in fact, the helium-filled balloon, instead of the horse and rainbow?

    I note we’re all so boggled by the art we didn’t even comment on the font problems — both ugly and jammed awkwardly into one corner.

  15. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Egads. A quick Google reveals it’s worse than we thought.

    The dude is St. Patrick.

    I wish I was making this up.

  16. Tag Wizard Says:

    @GsSxN – St Patrick? Rainbows? He’ll soon be stealing her Lucky Charms!

  17. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @TW: Apparently she gave him her lucky charms for free, wink wink nudge nudge.

    I only now noticed that the horse appears to have an artificial hoof. If it’s a real horse, that is. The anatomy fail is explained if it’s a water park prize.

  18. Tor Mented Says:

    @GSS ex-noob: The more I look at the stream, the weirder it gets. Note the water just behind m’lady’s hand. The surface of the water is following the curve of the hill! Water doesn’t do that. Its surface should be level. And it should flow right over that bank and down the hill.
    I don’t know if this book is supposed to be high fantasy or merely historical fantasy. Even if there’s magic at work, you shouldn’t disregard the laws of physics just for a design effect.

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tor: That’s why I’m thinking water park. Concrete channel and high-powered pumps to move it along so it doesn’t obey gravity and run downhill at the spot you mentioned, dampening tree, horse, St. Pat, and m’lady. It cannot be a natural watercourse. There’s got to be a flume ride, a wave pool, and such on the other side of the hill.

    Either that or it’s one of Pat’s miracles we don’t hear much about, where he rerouted a stream so as not to ruin his afternoon with m’lady and her fake horse.

    Or the artists missed “Depicting Natural Features Day” at UAI.

  20. A. R. Yngve Says:

    “Sir, did you eat the other horse?”

    “Aye, M’Lady… it was most disagreeable! One of its legs did not properly digest, and alas! now I am in agony!”

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