Apr 17

Some Melons, AmazonClick for larger image

Lord Kelvin Comments: What’s the opposite of Amazon Prime?

Published 1981

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.63 out of 10)

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18 Responses to “The Amazons of Somelon”

  1. THX 1139 Says:

    “Just off to prune the savage horlas, they’ve been rather taking over the flowerbed recently.”

  2. Bibliomancer Says:

    Let’s strip down to our undies, sharpen our knives like razors, and harvest those mushrooms!

  3. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Sal Mineo’s tragic death at the hands of the savage Horlas.

  4. Francis Boyle Says:

    Inexplicable ting
    is now a thing!

  5. fred Says:

    A slimmed down Bomba the jungle boy gets a Ting! and Farrah doesn’t? Overly ornamented Farrah deserves all the Ting!s.

  6. Tat Wood Says:

    Not even TRYING to draw feet this time.

    (@Lord Kelvin: I would have thought ‘Telamon Prime’.)

  7. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Tat W—Not only the complete abdication of feet, but there’s also something really off with that torso-to-leg length ratio. And her calves are way too massive when compared to her skinny upper arms. Clearly a Summa Cum Laude graduate of UAI.

  8. Anna T. Says:

    Well, this beach vacation has gone horribly wrong. I blame everything on the floating person.

    I assume that @B. Chiclitz is proposing the addition of the “anatomical issues” tag.

  9. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Anna T—I suspect the Tag Wiz will look more kindly upon the suggestion if it comes from you rather than from me 😉

  10. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I saw the Ting! tag and looked at the weapons in vain. Silly me, of course the Ting! is coming off his lower torso. Not even his shorts. At which point, I thought “but aren’t you supposed to put the jewel in your navel, not several inches to the left?” At which point I noticed he didn’t have a navel, at least not in the usual position, so maybe it IS there.

    All of which is to say to @Tag Wiz that I don’t always complain about the lack of tags; sometimes I think GSTagS!

    Other than that and the usual “feet are hard”, the anatomy is slightly better than many of our submissions, saving of course that her cleavage would not be that ample on someone of her lean muscle-y type. And girlfriend needs to not skip arm day in the gym; her legs are much more buff than the rest of her.

    Her hair is difficult to distinguish from the robe of the presumably evil chap — foreshadowing, or the artist just thought it looked neato? The latter, I’m sure. And her luxurious locks appear to have also started sprouting from her arm.

    Is Mr. Hoodie or the mushrooms the evil Horlas? Were ‘shrooms involved at any point in the making of this cover? Could explain the anatomical issues.

    Mighty thews. Is that a tag? Because there are a total of four mighty thews on this cover.

    Is Amazon Farrah about to stab Brillo-Head Ting!Torso while he’s bent over? Does she want all the mushrooms to herself?

    The mouseover text is brilliant.

    @Anna T: good to see you’ve returned. As you can see, we haven’t changed a bit.

  11. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    The ghoul at the back seems to be desperately trying to get noticed, probably suffering the common ghost problem of trying to terrify people who can’t actually perceive them. While in the foreground the tings now exist independently of physical objects and with their new found freedom may take over the world. Under the leadership of Tinkerbell, the first independently existing ting.

  12. Bruce A Munro Says:

    The Pony Princess called: she wants her floating star-filled mane back.

    My headcanon is that the ting! is the hero’s Pancreas of Power.

    In drawing one model’s muscular legs onto another one’s torso, the artist appears to have forgotten to remove her garter. Unless that’s her tic tac stash.

    The robe the (witch? Horla? I’m uncertain about gender or species, but they’ve certainly been skipping Moisturizer Day) is wearing looks either ragged or rather fuzzy in closeup: maybe it’s a bathrobe? Or a snuggie?

    Also, he/she seems to be sprinkling flower petals on the two below.

  13. Tag Wizard Says:

    Either her anatomy if fine and the perspective is off. Or the perspective is fine and her anatomy is off. Let’s go with the latter.

    I was thinking of adding a “feet are hard to draw” tag but life is too short to add it to 500 older covers.

  14. anon Says:

    Treacle-eye prong rave arousal: Short Trevor ‘Bath Agave’ Vaughn badgers swimsuit girls in old underwear!
    Maynion Skidmark

  15. GSS ex-noob Says:

    “Short Trevor […] old underwear!” sums this cover up perfectly.

    I don’t think anything like this happens in Omaha, though.

  16. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    Everyone looks they’re high.

  17. Tat Wood Says:

    It really needs Annette Funicello and Jody McCrae to come along and do a song about exorcisms by the fire, roasting weenies and cacodaemons. With a guest cameo by John Carradine in a hula skirt.

    Then, at the end, Harvey Lembeck is consigned to Hades:” Why me? Why me all da time?”

  18. A. R. Yngve Says:

    A telltale sign of bad covers is that the artist can’t quite decide which way the wind is blowing.

    Should the hair blow this way? Or that way? Uh… let’s do both!

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