Sep 09

Is that you Jeff Goldblum?Click for larger image

Tom Noir Art Direction: “Make sure to include a guy with evil facial hair and a bad haircut. Also, we need a guy sneezing because he’s allergic to space ships.”

Published 1981

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.07 out of 10)

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20 Responses to “Black Star Chronicles”

  1. A.R.Yngve Says:

    In a stunning plot twist, the guy with the Villain Haircut is the innocent hero, while Sneezing Astronaut is a genocidal maniac. Who knew?

  2. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Blackadder In Space?

    The Sneezing Astronaut looks to me like a poorly designed toy with a huge head emerging from a tiny spaceship.

  3. THX 1139 Says:

    Joe Spinell hankers after that Starcrash sequel.

  4. fred Says:

    If this cover in any remote way resembled Star Wars I would say someone’s unshielded exhaust port has been targeted.

  5. Francis Boyle Says:

    Jeff Goldblum? Looks like Charles Bronson to me so I’m assuming this is the novelisation of some Stars Wars/Death Wish mashup with Bronson as Obi-Wan “The Executioner” Kenobi intoning such lines as “Use the revolver Luke”.

  6. Lillie Awesome Says:

    @Francis – with that facial hair, Mirror Universe Charles Bronson, obviously.

  7. Francis Boyle Says:

    @Lillie, nicely played. And now I’m seeing Spock in there as well. This mashup is getting complicated.

  8. Bibliomancer Says:

    TFW that drug store hair dye turned out much darker than the color on the box

  9. JuanPaul Says:

    Evil Bronson really wants to be a space troubadour.

  10. Anna T. Says:

    That moustache is so terrible that I can only conclude it’s some form of facial fungus. eeeh.

  11. Lillie Awesome Says:

    @Anna – it takes a very brave haunted (probable) antagonist indeed to rock a mustache and goatee that accentuate a saggy butt-shaped chin rather than concealing it.

  12. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Facial features notwithstanding, I’m more intrigued by what appears to be the winning entry in this year’s Spaceship Soapbox Derby!

  13. Leak Says:

    Looks to me like the TOS mirror universe has a mirror universe of it’s own where people not only sport mustaches but also bad haircuts…

  14. Ikari Gendo Says:

    I’m seeing a cut-rate Vincent Price. (Vincent Discount Price?)

  15. Raoul Says:

    @IG -That’s who it is. Vincent Price. With a Chrysse Hynde haircut.

  16. Lillie Awesome Says:

    Viscount Dincent Price of Outer Space.

  17. Tat Wood Says:

    Leonard Nimoy in one of his ‘impenetrable’ disguises in ‘Mission: Impossible’, wearing a motorcycle helmet with stick on decals that only look remotely cool if seen from this one angle.

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I saw Mirror Spock first. Even minus the facial hair, his bone structure looks like Nimoy’s (except the Bronson-esque chin).

    Which, seeing the date, is possible. It’s just like @Tat Wood said — one of the “master of disguise”s spirit gum and doll hair getups.

    The eyes are very Vincent Price and a LOL to @Lillie Awesome (16), very subtle. I read it the other way around at first and was whaaaa?

    About the haircut, what need be said but “Chigurh”?

    As for the other guy, maybe he’s the never-before-seen Bush brother? The one W. and Jeb never mention?

    Goodreads mentions a different book for this duo, and not this one.

    Hey, Tweet Jane just called us “crack”. Not “on crack”, even.

  19. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    @Lillie Awesome (6): So presumably Mirror Universe Charles Bronson would be pacifist, vegetarian… etc.

    @Leak (13): Wasn’t that our own universe in the seventies?

    I’m imagining Tony Tallarico reciting this book live, while DJ Arneson provides the scratch mixing.

  20. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    You know how we “normal” people get light bulbs appearing over our heads when we have an idea? Well, this guy gets rocket ships and singing astronauts.

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