Jan 26

'I thin ma tun ith thuck'Click for larger image

Assless chaps = chapped assClick for larger image

It’s a Two-fer Tuesday: Raven 3: Comin’ and Goin’

Good Show Sir Comments:

1. The Disney Frozen princess is all grown up!

2. Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride

Published 1978

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.68 out of 10)

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20 Responses to “The Frozen God”

  1. fred Says:

    1) She’s only got one sword so technically she should be a swordmistress.

    2) The perfect footwear for climbing on ice. Is James Purefoy watching her….back …in this one as well?

  2. THX 1139 Says:

    1: “Ah kiss mahself!”

    2: Half of this mishap we can attribute to a wardrobe malfunction, the other to trying to steady herself on the ice.

  3. Michael Toland Says:

    That Corgi cover makes me wonder if the artist is the same guy that wrote the Gor books.

  4. Francis Boyle Says:

    #1 “I know it’s part of the genre, but can we at least make an attempt to dial the sexism down a bit.

    #2 “Oh, don’t bother”.

  5. JuanPaul Says:

    If the author is into making his main character show a lot of skin, wouldn’t it make more sense to set this series somewhere tropical?

  6. Tor Mented Says:

    I don’t think I’ve laughed as hard at any cover on this site as I have at the Corgi cover.
    I’m sure some people find this cover to be the epitome of sexiness, but to me it’s as undignified as it gets. The comments about her slipping on the ice sum up exactly what it looks like. Like those videos of models having runway fails.
    But in poor Raven’s defense (and why is a blonde called Raven?) I think there is a bear who reached out and tripped her.

  7. Max Bathroom Says:

    @Michael Toland
    “Richard Kirk” was a pen name for Robert Holdstock and Angus Wells.
    On the other hand, Chris Achilleos, the cover artist who did the Corgi paperback did do covers for the UK editions of several Gor novels.

  8. Ikari Gendo Says:

    1. Chainmail bikini with no cloth undergarment in arctic conditions seems like a bad idea.
    2. She shouldn’t be climbing icy cliffs with a naked butt and bear feet.

  9. Tat Wood Says:

    See, when I hear about a character called ‘Raven’ I think first of a Glaswegian with a beard and a Hoxton Fin setting challenges for kids with silly fantasy names (‘Satnav’, Retcon’, ‘Polltax’) , like ‘Gladiators’ set in Centre Parcs and saying ‘this day’ instead of ‘today’ cos it sounds dead epic.

    Then I think of the chunky lass from ‘That’s So Raven’. Neither of those would have any truck with a giant frog that’s somehow awake in an arctic setting.

  10. Bibliomancer Says:

    1. Hope her hunk can help remove her frozen tongue from that bracelet

    2. Can’t wait for someone to log on and explain the toad handjob was somewhere in the book.

  11. GSS ex-noob Says:

    DAT ASS.

    I’m offended by these not so much as a woman, as a person with some aesthetic good taste. The pose on #1 is stupid — what’s she doing? And #2 is just DAT ASS, and then you realize DAT ASS is going to get frostbite, and why didn’t she put some of the fur bits over her bits?

    #1: he’s thinking “WTF is with this chick?” At least he’s at the right angle to enjoy the view.

    #2: the whatever it is (the Frozen God?) is enjoying the view and the grab. DAT ASS is going to be even colder when she slips off that pillar and sprawls even more awkwardly down to the ice sheet below. And how is an amphibian even conscious in the ice — the god powers, maybe?

    I guess I’m too busy LOL at the awkwardness and sheer implausibility of the pose in #2 to summon up any feminist indignation. It would look equally stupid if it were a bare-butt hunk in that position.

    I went back to look at our previous Raven two-fer, and she’s always in the insufficient clothing. Maybe part of her problem in #2 is her hip’s still out of joint from being jaunty.

    Showed these to Mr. xn. He literally did a startled take at #2.

  12. Bruce A Munro Says:

    I think most of what needs to be said has been said already, although I’d have to add that bare metal on chests in the arctic is just asking for skin removal. It’s the fashion equivalent of going around licking frozen lamp poles. Also, the lettering on the lower left of the first picture makes the guy look like he’s got some really fancy decorations on his greaves (not necessarily a bad thing).

    @Tor Mented: I think she may have been tripped by her own fur stole, which seems to still have the claw of the bear it came from attached. (To quote Edna Mode: no capes!)

    @Tat Wood: my first thought was Raven from Teen Titans, who would actually fit in pretty well with toad-gods, but who probably would approach them in a rather more dignified manner.

    @GSS ex-noob: yeah, my thought was “no wonder he’s frozen – frogs and toads are even less suited to the arctic than Raven’s outfit.”

    Hey – maybe he’s literally frozen, so he actually can’t move? That’s why Raven is crawling towards him – she knows he can’t do anything, so she’s doing the sensible thing and not trying to walk up a set of ice stairs in heels. What she’s going to do (if not “toad handjob”) is unclear – carve off some frozen frog nuggets?

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @GSSxn (11)—Oh yes jauntified indeed. And what looks like bruising on that otherwise transcendent bum must be the result of more than one awkward slide down ice mountain.

  14. Ryan Says:

    The deeply-layered quality of badness in these covers really draws you in. My own favorite aspect is the powerfully salacious look the illustrator has managed to give the Arctic Toad.

  15. Cornelius Says:

    #2 “Shut your noise, Mr Frog, until I find where my contacts fell.”

  16. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @BC: Bruising, nothing — the right cheek seems to have actually lost some flesh, probably when it stuck to the ice and got pulled loose. Or else it fell off from frostbite.

    @Bruce: she wouldn’t have tripped over the stole if she’d wrapped it around herself better, which would have also covered DAT ASS.

    @Ryan: It’s cartoonish, even more so than the rest of the art. But however you say “Hubba hubba” in Arctic Toad, there it is. Possibly based on a self-portrait of the artist?

  17. Tracy Says:

    How to date a piece of SFF artwork to the 1980s: headband and spandex.

  18. A. R. Yngve Says:

    Ah, the ritual “mooning of the enemy” from BRAVEHEART.

    “They can take away our cleavages and our spandex, but they cannot take our FREEEEDOMMM!!”

  19. 1Thunderfire Says:

    1. She could do wth an undershirt for that mail.
    2. She could do with some trousers.

  20. fred Says:

    2. Getting around to some non gratuitous equipment unsuitability of a practical nature, for a supposed Swordsmistress of Chaos, her sword and scabbard won’t actually fit together.

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