Mar 25

Go home, figurehead. You're drunk.Click for larger image

Raoul Comments: Your crew is going to hell, ma.

Published 1967

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.72 out of 10)

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24 Responses to “Helma”

  1. Cornelius Says:

    I’m amazed the guy in the background can still fight while squirting that much blood out of his neck.

  2. THX 1139 Says:

    “It was your idea to take a Scottish ferry!”

  3. fred Says:

    Damn rare to find a cover where the hero isn’t front and center.

  4. Francis Boyle Says:

    You know, I ‘ve always said The Raft of The Medusacould have done with a slightly bored redhead. And seagulls. Lot’s of seagulls.

  5. Tat Wood Says:

    You know the old proverb: green sky at night – he men will fight. It’s a sensible precaution to wear a green frock to camouflage yourself against it.

  6. Bibliomancer Says:

    You see! Women on boats bring bad luck.

  7. Max Bathroom Says:

    If you think Mediterranean cruises are bad now, just count yourself lucky you didn’t waste your money on one during the bronze age.

  8. Bruce A Munro Says:

    I fought an ancient kingdom in my pajamas. Damned if I know how it got into them.

  9. Ryan Says:

    Her expression and body language just sigh, “These idiots. Why do I agree to this?” so hard.

    On the other hand, the figurehead seems quite jolly. “Yay, birds!”

  10. Tracy Says:

    Cornelius I think the blood is supposed to be a flowing red cape. But it’s not at all clear if he has just run his opponent through, or the foe is dodging the killing blow while stabbing the other dude’s forearm.

    I guess Helma is the lady in green, but why on earth do men get all the words?

    Now on to a strange detail. The man floating in the water in the foreground with his arm poking out has TWO FACES! One face is where his forehead should be, the chin is tilted back and it has long hair. The second face is below it, and has an aquiline nose, a mustache, and beard. I wonder if the artist was in a hurry?

  11. Tor Mented Says:

    Jeez, Tracy, you are right about the two faces. I wonder if it was meant to be a Spartan helmet or some other headgear with facial features.

  12. Tor Mented Says:

    Tros the visionary is facing: the Brother of Gods, Son of Dragons – the Lord Taliesan, Master of Druids. So, class, how many people is that?
    I know, let’s ask him.
    Hey, Lord Taliesan …
    ♪ Tally me banana. ♪

  13. THX 1139 Says:

    “The man floating in the water in the foreground with his arm poking out has TWO FACES!” – Barbra Streisand’s best film!

  14. Tat Wood Says:

    @Tor: Taliesin (the usual spelling and four syllables, sorry) is a legendary Welsh bard so plausibly earned all of those titles.

    But that means that this scene with the green sky and Trojans is happening in Swansea.

    There’s lovely, isn’t it.

  15. Raoul Says:

    @Tor – I think Tros the Visionary is stabbing the Brother of Gods, and the Son of Dragons is murdering the Lord Taliesan, while the Master of Druids quietly drowns.

  16. B. Chiclitz Says:

    (sigh) Yet another ridiculous shield-scabbard-sword arrangement. Look at it.

    Spelling notwithstanding, @Tor M, GSS!

  17. A. R. Yngve Says:

    There’s a joke hidden in this cover about women not paying attention to the same things men pay attention to.

    Him: “Have at you! Ha haa! Violence!”

    Her: “Is my hair perfect?”

  18. Ikari Gendo Says:

    What is the green fabric behind her? Cape? Jacket tail? Extra long pant legs? And why is it flying upward? Wind? Magic? Epic flatulence?

  19. Ryan Says:

    @Ikari Gendo – It is the latter scenario.

    Look at the cover again, with this as the background soundtrack:

  20. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Why is the damsel just standing there while the rejects from “300” are busy fighting?

    And is that actually Tros, or is this boat merely an advert for the thrilling tale, as printed on the sail? She’s a model hired from some temp agency to stand there looking decorative while the guys fight. They’re like a parade float.

    She’s counting the hours till she can put down the shield, sit down, and get back into a more comfy outfit. And cash her check.

    @Tor: GSS!

  21. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Guy in the Back: Wait a minute, Leonidas, this is the movie! You’re supposed to be—aaagghhh—using the prop sword!

  22. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Now this one got some good feedback.

    @Tracy: If Muscle Man just ran him through, he’s a singularly bloodless chap.

    @GSS ex-noob: maybe she’s jut killed those two guys in the water and is now Pitying the Fools?

    Tros is a man, baby!

  23. JuanPaul Says:

    Ship should go a lot faster now.

  24. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Bruce: Could be.

    In any case, the lady’s eager for this whole scenario to be over soon. Not enough drachmai in the known world for this hassle.

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