Apr 22

The Fingered Fat GirlClick for larger image

Esmeralda Comments: Yonder is the shopping mall. Buy her some clothes.

Published 1993

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.50 out of 10)

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18 Responses to “Bones of the Past”

  1. Cornelius Says:

    “Look! There goes the bloke who stole your trousers.”

  2. THX 1139 Says:

    “How dare you feign indifference at ye olde ‘smell my finger’ gag!”

  3. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Nokar points out to the “fat” girl the unrealistic body image she should try to emulate.

  4. Max Bathroom Says:

    What sort of sadist names their child “Seven Fingered Fat Girl”?

  5. fred Says:

    As a power trio, they are rumored to be better than Cream.

  6. Francis Boyle Says:

    Don’t be silly Max, that’s her superhero identity. The other two are “Page 3 Girl” and “Gandalf#7183”.

  7. fred Says:

    Ral Partha ‘Bones of the Past’ miniature figures, space sheep version.

  8. JuanPaul Says:

    You’ve heard of the Five Finger Death Punch, but have you tried the Seven Finger Bone Fondle?

  9. NomadUK Says:

    Actually, Medwind Song, Nokar the Librarian, and Seven-Fingered Fat Girl are the three in the background. This lot are Bob, Carol, and Alice, and they just spotted Ted.

  10. Bibliomancer Says:

    Gandalf pointing out the salon where he got his bitchin’ braid job

  11. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Neither of those ladies are fat! You can even see the lower edge of the rib cage on the mostly-naked one, and her boobs, waist, and tummy are small. Neither of the women have any chin fat either. And they seem to both have more than 7 fingers.

    Methinks Notkar the librarian is a patriarchal asshole trying to impose ridiculous beauty standards, and the blurb writers and artist ne’er the twain shall meet.

    What IS everyone standing in front of?

    Why is the artist so lovingly depicting sacks, bags, and murses?

    How much of a discount does BAEN!makeitstop get on orange paint/ink?

    @fred: In 3 dimensions, we can see neither of them are fat or 7 fingered either.

    @NomadUK: That makes a lot more sense.

  12. B. Chiclitz Says:

    “Now let me get this straight. Does the seven-fingered fat girl have seven fingers on each hand, or a total of seven fingers on both hands? If it’s that, then does she have four fingers on her left hand and three on her right, or is it the other way around? And what about the number of possible toes? God, I need a fucking wizard to figure this out. Oh, wait a minute . . . .”

  13. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Actually, she’s got seven fingers _in the bag_, and if Nokar doesn’t stop being a condescending pointing guy, it’s going to be eight.

  14. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Bruce: By Jove, you’ve got it! LOL and GSS.

    Meanwhile, yon blonde is really hoping to land the gig in the Captain Morgan ad so she can get away from mansplaining wizard.

  15. Ryan Says:

    I want to know what is happening just off the page to the right that is so fascinating to Nokar, Medwind, Seven, Hammurabi, Jeff and Alice.

    Also, my daughter thinks that Hammurabi’s purse is lovely.

  16. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Ryan: I think Nokar and Hammurabi (good call) have the same purse.

    I also think @Esmerelda and @B’man may have been correct, and they’re going to the opening of the new mall, which has a great purse/bag store, and a salon that can handle all those luscious locks. Maybe there’s a traveling circus or a famer’s market or something in the parking lot that they’re all staring at.

  17. A. R. Yngve Says:

    So the novel is based on a paranoid fear of skeletons?

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @ARY: To be fair, if the skeletons are alive and stalking you, that’s not paranoia.

    Still doesn’t explain all the purses.

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