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Jun 08

Worst cosplay reenactment. Ever.Click for larger image

Ryan Comments: Providing manscaping to the Native Americans had seemed like a good idea, but the Cosmonauts were soon to rue their friendly gesture.

Published 1985

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.75 out of 10)
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24 Responses to “Cloud Warrior”

  1. THX 1139 Says:

    Wait a minute – who’s attacking who?

  2. A. R. Yngve Says:

    “Do not come here with your Blue Origin ways! Your chief Bezos speaks with forked tongue!”

  3. Tor Mented Says:

    Must be the Planes Indians.

  4. THX 1139 Says:

    “They were here to gamble – with their lives!” – how’s that for a tagline? These things write themselves…

  5. JuanPaul Says:

    The rare Geronimonimbus cloud foretells a serious ass kicking.

  6. fred Says:

    Gandalf showing off his smoke rings again. Looking at the cover I’d say he was under the influence of Old Toby.

  7. Bruce A Munro Says:

    “Nothing like The Stand!” – Bruce A Munro

    @GSS, JuanPaul.

    Looks like the jet flew right through the Cloud Warrior’s junk. [1]

    @GSS: well, it’s the 29th century, so you’d expect some inaccuracies to creep into the reenactment of Custer’s last stand.

    The first in a six-book ends-in-a-cliffhanger series, with further volumes presumably coming out at the same time as the next “Dangerous Visions” .

    [1] Speaking of junk, there are also steampunk Japanese on the east coast for some reason.

  8. Tat Wood Says:

    When a Keyboard Warrior bites the dust, he or she lives on in the Cloud.

  9. Francis Boyle Says:

    “In the battle between the cover artist and understanding of how gravity works everyone is a sure loser”

    — ME

  10. B. Chiclitz Says:

    How brilliant was it to attach a bayonet to a futuristic space rifle? I also note the Chief seems to be wielding a phaser. And where’s the bow that presumably shot the arrow into the fallen astronaut (not the one clutching her breast; no idea what weapon got her)? Technology vs Magic all right. Like, it’s a miracle this cover got printed.

    @Tor M—GSS!

  11. THX 1139 Says:

    @B. Chiclitz: I think the Chief is holding a tomahawk.

    I’m more concerned that you have to hold the book at a 45 degree angle to get everyone upright.

  12. Bibliomancer Says:

    ♫ Away out here they got a name
    For rain and wind and fire
    The rain is Tess, the fire Joe,
    And they call the wind … GERONIMO !!!!

  13. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Is the chap on the right expressing his shock at the appearance of the jet plane (in which case he seems to be facing in the wrong direction) or is he shocked by the fact that El Tomahawk seems to have just teleported in (the space-suited gun wielder seems to be looking for targets off the left of the page)?

    @THX 1139: so they’re _inclined_ planes Indians?

  14. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @THX 1139—Well, if it’s a tomahawk, it’s a futuristic space tomahawk!

    @B’Mancer—GSS!
    (From the legendary musical Paint Your Cover )

  15. fred Says:

    The names of the Indians (Mutes) are mined from only the bet of pre-holocaust culture. Very bottom of page. Call me Deep-Purple

    https://amtrakwars.fandom.com/wiki/Cloud_Warrior

  16. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Bruce/@fred: so a Neo-Confederate becomes heir to the US government and names it after the national train system? With Japanese on the East Coast? Sure, that makes a lot of sense.

    looks at publisher Yeah, that explains it.

    And since there wasn’t a summary of the books past #2 on that worshipful fan Wiki, I can see why they stopped publishing them.

    Gotta feel sorry for Air-Supply.

    @JP, @B’man: GSS!

  17. Line Noise Says:

    I devoured these books when they came out! My teenage brain loved them. I should give them another read to see how well they’ve aged. Hopefully better than this cover!

  18. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Is it still cultural appropriation when atomic mutants do it? A controversial issue!

  19. Tat Wood Says:

    @Fred: Shakatak? Seriously? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMr_UTPgRck
    ‘Your call IS important to us…’

  20. Tracy Says:

    The “Native American” costumes look ridiculous. The one dude looks like he’s wearing a giant cracker on his chest.

    Looked it up on Goodreads… there were 6 books total in the series, all published in the 1980s, plus an illustrated guide (!) The author was born in 1928 and in his late 50s when he published. He only died last year (2020) at the venerable age of 92! He was also English, and I can guess that many of the extremely odd names for the characters and things, like the nation of Amtrak and “Indian” characters Air-Supply, Ultra-Vox, and Burger-King, come from a Britisher fascination with the US names without fully understanding the connotations of those names. I mean, how can you take characters named after lame 1980s rock bands seriously?

  21. Tat Wood Says:

    @Tracy: ‘Britischer Pig-dog’ authors find lame American rock endlessly fascinating – how can a country with so much larger a population not have commensurately better music than ours? (Although of you think Ultravox were soft-rock or American you’re in for a surprise). The US is where British acts go to get fat and lose their fire (Elton John, Rod Stewart, John Lennon, Ozzy…)

    We had this stuff lurking at the bottom end of our charts (although Air Supply are one-hit wonders, like the Ramones) and Burger King was, at the time, owned by UK conglomerate Grand Metropolitan. We knew exactly how crap your pop was. My student days were enlivened by staying up to watch a man with shoe-polish on his hair do ‘America’s Top Forty’ as a filler before ‘Get Stuffed’ and ‘The Hitman and Her’ and tell us about how the US charts were mainly ours for three years before plus some really dull local acts who didn’t stand a prayer outside the midwest. You underestimate yankee imperialism.

  22. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Tracy: giant cracker, or giant slice of pepperoni pizza?

  23. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @[email protected]—I thought it was a giant pop tart myself.

  24. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tat: could be a misspelling of “Shaq Attack”, which nowadays means “medicated powder”, but then meant “can’t shoot free throws”.

    @Tracy: still not as bad as JK Rowling’s appropriation/mutilation/insult of Native American culture. I mean, this guy at least looked at a map, and presumably not all the tribe members are actually Native American by blood.

    But that explains why a neo-Confederate called his county “Amtrak”; he didn’t really understand the whole Civil War thing. Why not name it after a Southern railroad line? Southern Pacific, maybe?

    And no warrior worth his salt would have been named after a pop band — his ancestors would have picked all heavy metal and punk names. Some warrior or tribe should be named Motley Crue or Blue Oyster Cult.

    @BC: In the future, we lose many technologies, including frosting.

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