Feb 21

Shameless is Philip Palmer's middle name

Emster comments: “It’s over!” wailed Barbie, “Ken’s left me for a Bratz doll!”

“You need someone more flexible,” confided Skipper.

And that’s when HE walked in…

Published 2010

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.90 out of 10)

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26 Responses to “Version 43”

  1. B. Chiclitz Says:

    PHiLiP PALMER’S VERSiON 43 bas the same exact blurb as RED CLAW, and the same shamelessly daring use of lowercase letter “i”s. Same text too, I wonder?

  2. fred Says:

    In version 43 he got collar bones, version 44 will be nipples.

  3. Michael Toland Says:

    I love that they didn’t bother to Photoshop out the finger of the person holding the figure steady.

  4. JJYoyo Says:

    @Emster: GSS!

  5. Cornelius Says:

    When you gene splice a GI Joe with a giraffe.

  6. Francis Boyle Says:


    I think he will be pleased by that. He looks like the sort of guy who enjoys listening to Jazz FM /obscure Red Dwarf reference.

    And kudos to whoever found this trove of toy-based awfulness.

  7. Bruce Alexander Munro Says:


  8. Ryan Says:

    So basically the artist for this series just raided the leftover, hand-me-down from the cousins’ toy box from the late 1960s / early 1970s and photographed the contents? At least 43 times?

  9. Tat Wood Says:

    The shocking truth about Mark Zuckerberg.

  10. Max Bathroom Says:

    @Tat Wood
    If Zuckerberg had abs like that, do you think he’d quite be as pathetic as he is?

  11. A. R. Yngve Says:

    Cover designer should have tried AT LEAST 43 more times.

  12. Tat Wood Says:

    @Max: I’m sure he has some plastic ones somewhere.

  13. JJYoyo Says:

    I, for one, did not need the p0rn0 version of Captain Scarlet.

  14. GSS ex-noob Says:

    So Phil has one blurb (again, from someone nobody’s ever heard of), one font, and a collection of freaky-looking action figures. Did Phil also run SFREVU as well and provide his lone blurb?

    @Michael Toland: Phil also has no shame and not even an old copy of MS Paint to edit that finger out with.

    @Ryan: Given the lack of photo editing (and taking) of photos, maybe Phil still has his own toys from the 60s-70s? And the kids are just letting Dad do his thing? (TBF, that’d only make him 60ish, but you never know…)

  15. Bruce Alexander Munro Says:

    @Max Bathroom: the idea of Swole Zuckerberg is somehow both hilarious and somewhat horrifying.

  16. JuanPaul Says:

    This is the ideal keto body.

  17. Hammy Says:

    @GSS x-n (14): Terribly lazy, reusing a blurb that was written for a different book. That never happens in SF, right? (looking at you, publishers-who-slap-Dickson-blurbs-on-unrelated-books…)

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Hammy: I think it’s worse when major publishers do that; they’d have access to lots of different reviews and blurbs from more people. So we didn’t need dozens of Dickson books blurbed with him standing in his field. I mean, I myself saw him win 2 Hugos in one night and everyone in SF knew him; there must have been plenty of awards and quotes available. Just laziness.

    Phil here apparently only has one complimentary quote. SFREVU still exists, but their website layout hasn’t changed since the 90s.

    When I googled for SFREVU, it offered to autocomplete a search for an SF-themed burlesque show in San Francisco. I’ve been to one of those and I’ll bet cash money that it’s way more entertaining than Phil’s work. And nobody has a freakishly long neck.

    @Bruce: Don’t forget mildly nauseating.

  19. A. R. Yngve Says:

    I tried to instruct one of those “AI” programs to generate a cover “in the style of a Philip Palmer cover” – and it crashed. This means something, but I don’t know what…

  20. Emster Says:

    @Michael T and @GS x-n: Unfortunately, that’s my thumb in the picture – had I known how well it fit in, might have had a bit more fun with it… book was awkwardly taller/wider than traditional paperbacks, required a bit of one-hand juggling to get cover straight, avoid overhead light glare. If I ever lose that thumb, I’ll know where to come back to admire it. And giggle.

    There are at least 2 more of PHiLiP’s book covers out there with font probs/Mutant Toy Story theme – keep eyes peeled…

  21. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Emster: It’s a measure of Phil’s oeuvre that we presumed it was part of the cover! I’m unsurprised that his work also comes in oddly-sized books. Nothing wrong with MMPB or trade-paper size, nope, PHiLLiP has to go and invent a new more annoying size to show off his vintage toys.

    TBF, I suppose the “artist” listed might be the one with the toys, but Phil would have had to approve it.

    Nicely manicured nails, nothing fancy but clean and neat.

    I wonder what blurb he used on the cover of the book that got the good Revu? None at all, I hope.

  22. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @A.R.Y.—Try spelling it “PHiLiP” and see what comes out.

  23. Michael Toland Says:

    OK, I’m an idiot. I realize now that the finger is the person holding the book, not part of the photo. Though I like my original explanation better.

  24. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Michael: Print the legend!

  25. fred Says:

    Adios Ray Stevenson.

  26. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @fred: Quite a shock. But I think Ray had a normal neck.

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