Jun 08

Ridiculous boots!

Good Show Sir comments: “Wisdom? Not interested!”

Thanks to Ryan for sending this in!

Published 1993

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.31 out of 10)

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19 Responses to “The Coming of Wisdom”

  1. Francis Boyle Says:

    Wisdom – understanding that you must never go out in the rain in those boots.

  2. Cornelius Says:

    Only real men keep molten lava in their boots.

  3. A. R. Yngve Says:

    Time for the “Pants!” song (courtesy of MST3K):

    Crow: Joel, I hate movies where the men wear shorter skirts than the women.

    Tom: Yeah, I can just imagine a scene from Ancient Greece: “Oh, hi, Hercules, have a seat. Noooo!!”

    Joel: You are so right, my little itty buddies. That’s why we’ve put together a presentation. It’s a little thing we like to call: PANTS!

    Tom: (singing) Pants!

    Crow: Pants!

    Bots: Sing the praises of pants!

    Joel: Nothing better shows my taste than what I wear below my waist!

    Tom: Say! Pants! Hoo hoo!

    Crow: Pants!

    Bots: Sing the praises of pants!

    Tom: They help me suck in my gut; they always cover up my butt! Huh? Pants!

    Crow: Pants!

    All: Sing the praises of pants!

    Crow: Wear them and you’re a cool guy as long as you zip up your fly!

    Tom: Zip! Pants!

    Crow: Pants!

    Bots: Sing the praises of pants!

    Joel: (spoken) That’s right, ladies and gentlemen! Consider the PANT! You know, the Pants Association urges you to wear your pants at least three times a day!

    Crow: The great men of our time have all worn pants! Roosevelt! Churchill! de Gaulle! Gandhi!- Well, almost all of them!

    Tom: Dolphins! One of the smartest mammals on earth. Do they wear pants? NO! But they wish they did! That’s how smart they are!

    Joel: What keeps our legs all warm and hot?

    All: Pants!

    Crow: What prevents a buffalo shot?

    All: Pants!

    Tom: What do they got that I ain’t got?

    All: Pants.

    Tom: Well, you can say that again… Huh??

  4. Tor Mented Says:

    A.R.Y.: GSS. I was singing right along.
    Did anyone else think that Wallie Smith was trying to pull that old “arrow through the head” joke?

  5. NomadUK Says:

    All I can think of is that Wisdom is coming right through his pants (such as they are). Quite the money shot.

  6. fred Says:

    Trying to draw that sword while standing in a doorway might prove to be troublesome.

  7. Emster Says:

    In this episode of High Seas Hoarders, we meet Wallie Smith whose hoarding has become so sever that his ship is in danger of capsizing and access is blocked to his locker for a fresh pair of pants and shirt. Here comes our first expert to work on easing his defensiveness so that the film crew can get a look at that pile of rusty spittoons and dirty platters in his quarters… we’re not taking this “Goddess Herself” explanation as an excuse!

    PS – The “Pants” song is the best earworm I’ll have all week. I’ll sing its praises… “Toast” is close second…

  8. Tat Wood Says:

    Everyone seems to assume that Wallie is the ginger-mulletted portreeve – what if it’s the hoodie-person apparently reaching for a mirror to explain the tonsorial shortcomings of the hoarder? What if he’s a she? What if it’s a skinny lad with a big chin and glasses sick of people pointing him out in a crowd?

    Anyway, as this was 1993, here’s a period soundtrack: this is what popped into my head when I first saw this pose:
    (Hope your bass speakers are up to the Donk)

  9. B. Chiclitz Says:

    “Change for a twenty? Sure, anything for the Goddess.”

    @ARY—Add another GSS! to your tune’s well-earned kudos!

  10. B. Chiclitz Says:

    That ship looks like it was decorated by Aubrey Beardsley on some bad acid.

  11. Tat Wood Says:

    @B.Chiclitz (10): It’s a bit Much(a) -are we sure it IS a ship and not the entrance to a Paris Metro station?

  12. Ryan Says:

    The story behind the cover does indeed feature a swordsman on a boat.

    On the other hand, that is exactly all that the artist was told about the story, as the descriptions in the tale are hilariously other than what is portrayed here. Literally worlds away.

  13. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I cannot EVEN with his name.

    Since he doesn’t have pockets (or pouches), I think he carries stuff in his ridiculous boots. Echoing @FB, those seem like an especially bad idea on a ship where water happens all the time.

    You can tell he’s never let wisdom in by the way he’s wearing his sword. That giant pointy hilt has to hurt when it hits him in the head with every step. And he certainly can’t look up. He’s already developed a head/neck slouch from it. Maybe repeated head trauma led him to think those boots were a good idea.

    Where is the lightning bolt (?) coming from? The Goddess (of practical jokes), or the fact he’s wearing a mighty fine lightning attractor?

    There ought to be some adjective describing the pustular decor on either side of the hatch, but all I can think of is a Don Martin-esque BLECH!

    @Emster: GSS! Can we get “Queer Eye” in for his wardrobe, and maybe “Intervention” for whoever painted the decor? Really, this guy needs an entire day’s worth of programming.

    quietly humming the PANTS song… the Gandhi joke made me actually LOL first time I heard it

  14. fred Says:

    According to the back cover Wallie has been endowed with a magnificent new body. Now I really need to see a before picture of Wallie.

  15. Bruce A Munro Says:

    When you’re in desperate need of a magic spittoon and you realize you left your wallet in your other cloak and the guy with all the spittoons has made it abundantly clear he won’t extend credit.

  16. Steve S Says:

    Here in England, we call pants, trousers. Pants are the small undergarment worn beneath the trousers.
    Hang on a second. Yeah, you guys are right. He’s wearing pants.

  17. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I don’t think he’s wearing either British or American pants. Just some unholy mini-skirt supported by suspenders. Like girly leiderhosen.

    Perhaps Wallie, judging by the name, was originally a woman and has been endowed by the Goddess of Hormones and Bad Fashion to transition, but still preferred the freedom of a skirt?

  18. JJYoyo Says:

    @GSSxN: “not that there’s anything wrong with that” — Seinfeld

    Judging from the weird ham radio antennae all around his head, I’d gather the wisdom is coming in at about 103.4 MHz.

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @JJYoyo: The publishing industry is still mostly in NYC, where that frequency today plays classic rock (looks at cover). Yep. Although it was classical music at the time.

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