Dec 13

U Can’t Touch This!

Emster Comments: What do you mean, “It’s stuck”? Get off the stage, our group is on next!

Published 1987

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.00 out of 10)

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14 Responses to “Kender, Gully Dwarves, and Gnomes”

  1. NomadUK Says:

    Gully dwarf guy seems awfully satisfied with himself about having given leopard-print girl a wedgie whilst everyone was distracted by the new toilet brush demonstration.

  2. fred Says:

    …oh my!

  3. Bruce A Munro Says:

    A short story.(I’ll show myself out.)

    For a story entitled “Kender, Gully Dwarves, and Gnomes” this cover is certainly oversupplied with Jungle Queens and Clerics (Wizards?) with but a single Dwarf to be seen. Tall-washing?

  4. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @fred: My first thought as well.

    Actually, my second — the first was “WTF even does that title mean?” I would argue for the “gibberish title” tag. It’s no Hrossak! but still worthy.

    @Bruce: Agreed. Seems to be one wizaaaard (another missing tag?), one Dwarf, and four Jungle Queens. Although, judging by her jawline, the Queen on the right is either:

    1) really super pissed off by cleric/wizard’s act, or
    2) she was AMAB Jungle King.

    I’d like (or maybe not) to see this glowy hammer vs. Alvin Maker’s, uh… tool.

  5. Tat Wood Says:

    If Peter Frampton thought that touring with Josie and the Pussycats would revive his career, he had another think coming.

    However, if this list is what Stage Two of the Underpants Gnomes’ plan was, no wonder they could never remember it.

  6. Ryan Says:

    I guess the Jungle Queens spent most of their wardrobe budget on the current craze, Cashmere Socks with Feathered Headbands?

    Anyways, All Hail the Holy Hovering Hammer.

  7. fred Says:

    They all seem rather nonchalant standing in that magic circle during a summoning. Bad things might happen. Like appearing on this cover.

  8. JJYoyo Says:

    That title sounds like the name of a law firm…
    “Have you been injured in a pub crawl? You may be entitled to compensation…Dial 1(800) No Pants, that 1(800) 667-2687. We’ll fight for your rights. Actually, we’ll fight anyway.”

  9. Francis Boyle Says:

    And now I’m thinking Red-headed Jesus and the Jungle Queens would be a great name for a band.

  10. Cornelius Says:

    Way beyond time those women shaved their legs.

  11. Max Bathroom Says:

    The D&D Charlie’s Angels imitation was never going to work unless the dwarf and the cleric stopped squabbling over who got to be Bosley…

  12. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Cornelius: Hey! That might be natural with their species. Especially with the amount of bare skin they show everywhere else.

    @JJYoyo: Couldn’t resist calling that number. Don’t know exactly what it is, but it has a deal for people 50 right now. I didn’t go down the rabbit hole. Google tells me it’s an upscale trendy eyewear company. They’re probably not allowed to be lawyers, though Jungle Queens might catch their attention.

    @Tat: In the Frampton/Josie case, who’s the short bloke? A roadie? Someone who got left behind from the previous night’s Spinal Tap show? And why is he the lone dwarf when we were promised plural?

    (Not sure whether to be pleased or anxious about next year’s Spinal Tap reunion movie.)

  13. Bruce A Munro Says:

    As you know, Bob, 80% of all body heat loss is through the calves.

  14. Tat Wood Says:

    @ex-Noob: it’s Alex. Hence the white streaks in his beard.

    (Being English, I only know it from the Hanna-Babera cartoon adn the 90s film).

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