Dec 23
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DN’s Art Direction: No cohesion, you hear me? None! And, listen, if there aren’t two guys in a tango-off over Kevin Sorbo’s shoulder on this cover, you’re fired!
Published 1989
Many thanks to DN!
(Average: 7.66 out of 10)
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December 23rd, 2010 at 10:01 am
Thank heavens for the tag identifying the author as L.F.Luckie. I was struggling to make sense of that. I can’t really make out what’s going on in the top right. Presumably the Trojan Horse, but with a piece of A4 paper gummed across its snout.
The cover artist seems to have taken the blurb (“a gripping tale”) literally in his depiction of the Hunk’s vice-like grasp of poor Helen’s face (for I assume it is she).
December 23rd, 2010 at 10:13 am
“Our love can never be… until I take care of the daemon horse that haunts us.”
December 23rd, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I was trying to locate the horse in the melange of images, and thought ‘ahah! there’s its tail!’ then realised that was Helen’s hair.
December 23rd, 2010 at 12:37 pm
That could be Cassandra. She was the one who warned “Beware Greeks bearing gifts.” when the horse was first discovered.
I presume the piece of paper over the horse’s snout says “A Souvenir from Ithaca”.
December 23rd, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Menelaus: I’m sorry, I don’t see anything.
Helen: No, it’s in there I can feel it.
Menelaus: Hmmm. Don’t move.
Helen: It’s an eyelash. Left eye. You are looking in the left eye?
Menelaus: Yes. I am. Look, if you want me to get it out then give me a chance. And stop squirming.
Helen: Paris would have gotten it by now. What are those two doing over there?
Menelaus: Where? Pay attention to me. You’re like a child.
Helen: A Child! I’ll have you know I launched a –
Menelaus: Oh no, don’t bring that up again. It was a flip remark. Say, it that a giant horse?
3,000 years later:
Have a Merry Christmas All!
Evad
December 23rd, 2010 at 5:39 pm
A tale of Menelaus firmly gripping some chick’s face
December 24th, 2010 at 6:48 am
Perhaps if we constructed a large wooden badger?
December 26th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
Is there a price tag on the horse?
Those Greeks were move cunning than I thought!
December 28th, 2010 at 7:57 pm
“BEWARE THE HORSE
A gripping tale of carpentry, lovers and superglue”
December 29th, 2010 at 9:16 am
That DOES look like a superglue moment!
December 30th, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Re: NGpm’s comment
But do we get the “French Taunter” making a guest appearance later on, making blisteringly accurate insults in French accented Greek…?
October 25th, 2013 at 10:49 pm
To do today:
O kiss her full on the lips
O dance with the king
X beware the horse
Mm, haven’t gotten much accomplished.
December 9th, 2014 at 8:50 pm
I always thought someone should write a Greek myth featuring Aragorn and Arwen!
September 19th, 2019 at 9:28 am
BEWARE THE HORSE
A gripping tale of drug addiction in the Trojan War
June 21st, 2022 at 2:45 am
3,012 years later:
@Evad: GSS!
Still funny.
November 14th, 2023 at 6:23 pm
In the first part of the novel
I was looking at all the hair
There were braids and bangs and mullets too
There was blow-dry, spray and gel
The first thing I met was a girl with no neck bones
And a guy with no pants
The skin was oiled and the blurb was short
But the font was full of gold
You see I’ve been through the story of a horse with no mane
With a plot line that was so inane
With the cliches, you can’t remember your brain
And thinking at all only gives you more pain
La la la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la la la
After two days in the novel’s fun
My eyes began to turn red
And after three days in the horse’s bum
I was wishing I was dead
But the story still flowed
With Kevin Sorbo in tow
I wish I’d picked a Zelazny instead
I’ve been through the story…
After nine days I shouted out with joy
Coz we got to the walls of Troy
There was Orlando Bloom and Bradley Pitt
Diane Kruger and Peter O’Toole
GoodShowSir is a forum with its heart on its sleeve
And the perfect of snark above
Upon the cover lies a ruined career
But the posters will give no love
You see I’ve been through the novel…
November 15th, 2023 at 1:45 am
@JJYoyo:
GOBSMACKED STANDING OVATION IN 70’S ATTIRE!
GOOD SHOW SIR!!!!!
I’d also like to not-commend the used book store employee who took a look at a cover called “Beware the Horse” and promptly pasted the price tag over said horse. Wouldn’t it have shown up better in the black space too?
November 15th, 2023 at 7:11 am
@JJYoyo:
I concur with @GSS ex-noob. Bravo!
@GSS ex-noob: well, if you need to beware the horse, preventing it from seeing you is a good first move.
November 15th, 2023 at 3:09 pm
GSS!