Dec 23

I'm sorry about my smell my dear.. no one brought a bucket while we hid in the horse.Click for slightly bigger image

DN’s Art Direction: No cohesion, you hear me? None! And, listen, if there aren’t two guys in a tango-off over Kevin Sorbo’s shoulder on this cover, you’re fired!
Published 1989

Many thanks to DN!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.66 out of 10)

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19 Responses to “Beware the Horse”

  1. Phil Says:

    Thank heavens for the tag identifying the author as L.F.Luckie. I was struggling to make sense of that. I can’t really make out what’s going on in the top right. Presumably the Trojan Horse, but with a piece of A4 paper gummed across its snout.

    The cover artist seems to have taken the blurb (“a gripping tale”) literally in his depiction of the Hunk’s vice-like grasp of poor Helen’s face (for I assume it is she).

  2. SI Says:

    “Our love can never be… until I take care of the daemon horse that haunts us.”

  3. Deborah Says:

    I was trying to locate the horse in the melange of images, and thought ‘ahah! there’s its tail!’ then realised that was Helen’s hair.

  4. Pat Says:

    That could be Cassandra. She was the one who warned “Beware Greeks bearing gifts.” when the horse was first discovered.

    I presume the piece of paper over the horse’s snout says “A Souvenir from Ithaca”.

  5. Evad Says:

    Menelaus: I’m sorry, I don’t see anything.
    Helen: No, it’s in there I can feel it.
    Menelaus: Hmmm. Don’t move.
    Helen: It’s an eyelash. Left eye. You are looking in the left eye?
    Menelaus: Yes. I am. Look, if you want me to get it out then give me a chance. And stop squirming.
    Helen: Paris would have gotten it by now. What are those two doing over there?
    Menelaus: Where? Pay attention to me. You’re like a child.
    Helen: A Child! I’ll have you know I launched a –
    Menelaus: Oh no, don’t bring that up again. It was a flip remark. Say, it that a giant horse?

    3,000 years later:
    Have a Merry Christmas All!

  6. Zycrow Says:

    A tale of Menelaus firmly gripping some chick’s face

  7. NGpm Says:

    Perhaps if we constructed a large wooden badger?

  8. anon Says:

    Is there a price tag on the horse?
    Those Greeks were move cunning than I thought!

  9. A.R.Yngve Says:

    A gripping tale of carpentry, lovers and superglue”

  10. anon Says:

    That DOES look like a superglue moment!

  11. Mark V Thomas Says:

    Re: NGpm’s comment
    But do we get the “French Taunter” making a guest appearance later on, making blisteringly accurate insults in French accented Greek…?

  12. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    To do today:

    O kiss her full on the lips
    O dance with the king
    X beware the horse

    Mm, haven’t gotten much accomplished.

  13. Tom Noir Says:

    I always thought someone should write a Greek myth featuring Aragorn and Arwen!

  14. A.R.Yngve Says:

    A gripping tale of drug addiction in the Trojan War

  15. Emster Says:

    3,012 years later:
    @Evad: GSS!
    Still funny.

  16. JJYoyo Says:

    In the first part of the novel
    I was looking at all the hair
    There were braids and bangs and mullets too
    There was blow-dry, spray and gel

    The first thing I met was a girl with no neck bones
    And a guy with no pants
    The skin was oiled and the blurb was short
    But the font was full of gold

    You see I’ve been through the story of a horse with no mane
    With a plot line that was so inane
    With the cliches, you can’t remember your brain
    And thinking at all only gives you more pain
    La la la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la la la

    After two days in the novel’s fun
    My eyes began to turn red
    And after three days in the horse’s bum
    I was wishing I was dead
    But the story still flowed
    With Kevin Sorbo in tow
    I wish I’d picked a Zelazny instead

    I’ve been through the story…

    After nine days I shouted out with joy
    Coz we got to the walls of Troy
    There was Orlando Bloom and Bradley Pitt
    Diane Kruger and Peter O’Toole

    GoodShowSir is a forum with its heart on its sleeve
    And the perfect of snark above
    Upon the cover lies a ruined career
    But the posters will give no love

    You see I’ve been through the novel…

  17. GSS ex-noob Says:



    GOOD SHOW SIR!!!!!

    I’d also like to not-commend the used book store employee who took a look at a cover called “Beware the Horse” and promptly pasted the price tag over said horse. Wouldn’t it have shown up better in the black space too?

  18. Bruce A Munro Says:


    I concur with @GSS ex-noob. Bravo!

    @GSS ex-noob: well, if you need to beware the horse, preventing it from seeing you is a good first move.

  19. Tor Mented Says:


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