1. To be stripped to the waist.
2. To be tied up.
3. To bend over in front of a monkey.
4. To be monkey spanked.
5. To be monkey spanked with the flat of a sword.
Interesting that the Library Journal blurb describes a totally different title (Nine Gates) by the author. Apparently not much to say about this one. Which is surprising.
Happy to see the “BEHIND YOU” tag being put to good use. But if there was ever a WTF book cover, this is it.
1. To look vaguely like David Duchovny.
2. To wear a mole toupee.
3. To be tied up in a flower.
4. To spot an adequately camouflaged monkey by its blue face.
5. To have a narwhal flying by overhead.
‘How many honours are in the X-File, Mulder?’
‘Five-odd, Monkey.’
1. To look vulnerable and dangerous in the same shot.
2. To be able to weave a bamboo pair of shorts while being tied up.
3. To be tied up sexily by the thinest of velour ropes, which leave no marks on his perfect skin.
4. To attend weekly waxing sessions, shave facial hair nicely, after shave balm, buff and nail polish.
5. To ask why a rope monkey who can float, would use a sword?
From GoodReads: ‘in my review of #2 of this series, i expressed the hope that Lindskold wouldn’t get bogged down in an unwieldy cast of characters and she’d continue to do her homework. count my hopes dashed.’ Doesn’t bode well.
‘How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?’ – Sherlock Holmes
The monkey-in the hothouse-with the sword.
That is not a monkey! It is a sentient fungus temporarily assuming the form of a primate so as to have opposable thumbs with which to wield it’s newly discovered blade. The only thing that could be worse than a humongous fungus among us, would be a lobster on the loose. Or another Moorcock cover.
B.Chiclitz: it is not you, it is a pile of bananas designed to look like feathers on first glance.
Monkey-face thinks he is safely camouflaged in there, but once those bananas begin to age and develop leopard-spots, he will stick out like a sore thumb.
1. Jimmy Savile (sleaze bag) – OBE 1972
2. Rolf Harris (childhood ruiner) – CBE 2006
3. Alan Bond (corrupt businessman) – Australian of the Year 1978
4. Bill Cosby (statute of limitations beneficiary) – numerous honorary degrees
5. Rupert Murdoch (lowering the standard of political debate) – Companion of the Order of Australia 1984
Those awarded for efforts in science, medicine and charity work generally receive a free pass, but I swear whenever my wife & I hear of politicians/entertainers/business people being so honoured, our instinctive reaction is to ponder what eventual scandal will come to light!
@B.Chiclitz: Sure, why not, or make a new list starting with Dr. Strangelove. There are so many examples of the privileged honouring the privileged for being privileged that I found it really, really hard keeping my list down to a mere five 🙂
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August 9th, 2013 at 9:45 am
Damn, those monkeys have evolved to blend in with bananas. No wonder you didn’t spot what’s BEHIND YOU!!!
I gather Jim Butcher likes books like this. Hence the blurb, “Should appeal to fans of Charles de Lint. And Jim Butcher.”
August 9th, 2013 at 11:04 am
Topoff’s finally snapped!
August 9th, 2013 at 11:54 am
1. To be stripped to the waist.
2. To be tied up.
3. To bend over in front of a monkey.
4. To be monkey spanked.
5. To be monkey spanked with the flat of a sword.
August 9th, 2013 at 12:06 pm
It’s the Monkey Big Bird!
August 9th, 2013 at 12:56 pm
Interesting that the Library Journal blurb describes a totally different title (Nine Gates) by the author. Apparently not much to say about this one. Which is surprising.
Happy to see the “BEHIND YOU” tag being put to good use. But if there was ever a WTF book cover, this is it.
August 9th, 2013 at 1:24 pm
1. To look vaguely like David Duchovny.
2. To wear a mole toupee.
3. To be tied up in a flower.
4. To spot an adequately camouflaged monkey by its blue face.
5. To have a narwhal flying by overhead.
‘How many honours are in the X-File, Mulder?’
‘Five-odd, Monkey.’
August 9th, 2013 at 2:16 pm
1. To look vulnerable and dangerous in the same shot.
2. To be able to weave a bamboo pair of shorts while being tied up.
3. To be tied up sexily by the thinest of velour ropes, which leave no marks on his perfect skin.
4. To attend weekly waxing sessions, shave facial hair nicely, after shave balm, buff and nail polish.
5. To ask why a rope monkey who can float, would use a sword?
August 9th, 2013 at 3:00 pm
I couldn’t make any sense out of the phrase “Library Journal on Nine Gates”. I assumed it was analogous to “Currys PC World on Tottenham Court Road”.
Shame on the cover artist for omitting to TING! a perfectly good monkey blade.
August 9th, 2013 at 3:55 pm
@DSWBT — It’s not a flying narwhal. It’s a flying carp.
August 9th, 2013 at 3:59 pm
From GoodReads: ‘in my review of #2 of this series, i expressed the hope that Lindskold wouldn’t get bogged down in an unwieldy cast of characters and she’d continue to do her homework. count my hopes dashed.’ Doesn’t bode well.
August 9th, 2013 at 6:34 pm
‘How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?’ – Sherlock Holmes
The monkey-in the hothouse-with the sword.
August 9th, 2013 at 7:39 pm
That is not a monkey! It is a sentient fungus temporarily assuming the form of a primate so as to have opposable thumbs with which to wield it’s newly discovered blade. The only thing that could be worse than a humongous fungus among us, would be a lobster on the loose. Or another Moorcock cover.
August 10th, 2013 at 6:20 am
Ok is it me or is that monkey sitting inside a huge pile of bananas?
August 11th, 2013 at 7:29 am
The Andy Warhol posters for Planet of the Apes were rejected by the studio.
August 11th, 2013 at 11:28 am
B.Chiclitz: it is not you, it is a pile of bananas designed to look like feathers on first glance.
Monkey-face thinks he is safely camouflaged in there, but once those bananas begin to age and develop leopard-spots, he will stick out like a sore thumb.
August 11th, 2013 at 3:53 pm
Nice jammies, Mulder.
August 11th, 2013 at 9:41 pm
@Phil 15—thanks for the validation. Boy, talk about stereotyping! These covers take the cake, or the banana cream pie, or something.
August 15th, 2013 at 5:19 am
@B’Mancer—perhaps tasteful ads for art films? Like the classic double feature: Up to the Hilt and Only Skin Deep?
Ok then, what about Kickstarter?
By the way, who’s Dick Pillz?
August 16th, 2013 at 3:42 pm
@B. Chiclitz — You remember Dick. Friend of Ophelia Keester. And Claude Balz.
August 17th, 2013 at 1:10 am
@Bibliomancer—Oh, yeah. Also pals with Carlotta Tendant. She’ll park your wheels in style!
August 18th, 2013 at 7:00 am
“In Russia…”
– No wait, not another “In Russia” joke.
October 16th, 2015 at 3:41 am
‘Five Odd Honors’, eh? Try these for size:
1. Jimmy Savile (sleaze bag) – OBE 1972
2. Rolf Harris (childhood ruiner) – CBE 2006
3. Alan Bond (corrupt businessman) – Australian of the Year 1978
4. Bill Cosby (statute of limitations beneficiary) – numerous honorary degrees
5. Rupert Murdoch (lowering the standard of political debate) – Companion of the Order of Australia 1984
Those awarded for efforts in science, medicine and charity work generally receive a free pass, but I swear whenever my wife & I hear of politicians/entertainers/business people being so honoured, our instinctive reaction is to ponder what eventual scandal will come to light!
October 16th, 2015 at 2:34 pm
@Perry Armstrong—can we make it six? I guess that would cover the “odd” part:
Henry Kissinger (noted war criminal): Nobel Peace Prize, 1973.
October 17th, 2015 at 3:51 am
@B.Chiclitz: Sure, why not, or make a new list starting with Dr. Strangelove. There are so many examples of the privileged honouring the privileged for being privileged that I found it really, really hard keeping my list down to a mere five 🙂