Feb 19

If you think I feel bad about getting captured... how do you think the guy climbing up below me feels?Click for full image

Bibliomancer’s Art Direction: Sorry Mr. Burroughs but your first Mars book didn’t sell many copies in our Southern bookstores. Perhaps you need a more menacing villain. Our new cover artist has some fresh ideas.
Published 1952

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.58 out of 10)

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28 Responses to “The Gods of Mars”

  1. Phil Says:

    Ye Gods, Camilla Parker-Bowles of Mars!

  2. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “NOT so fast, honky!”

  3. SI Says:

    “Now… get on-board and stop rubbing your nipple!”

  4. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    After the divorce was finalised, Dad and that awful homewrecker ‘friend’ of his started living an alternative lifestyle I don’t understand.

  5. THX 1138 Says:

    “Something you want to tell us, Prince Adam?”

  6. Bibliomancer Says:

    Prequel to Burroughs’ long-out-of-print The Thugs of Mars.

  7. rev Says:

    The shadowy figure with the gun is straight out of one of my recurring childhood nightmares. I’ve never seen this book before. Chilling.

    As for the guy in the dress…I wonder if his wife knows? If he gets killed here, the funeral is going to be so awkward.

  8. fearofmusic Says:

    you should be ashamed of yourself for even implying that anything associated with mr.burroughs could be construed as rascist. why, next you’ll be telling me that modern hip-hop artists are homophobic.

    and, might i say, that is the whitest black man i’ve seen, well, recently.

  9. Bibliomancer Says:

    It sold poorly under its original title The Tiaras of Mars.

  10. Rags Says:

    Oh dear God, what a cover….

    I have read the entrie barsoom series and MAN i never pictured John Carter looking like Camilla Parker-Bowles (LOL thanks Phil). I really like the Wile E. Coyote look on his face tho, the artist should of gone the extra looney tunes mile and had Mr Carter holding up a “YIPES!” sign in his hand.

    “Font Problems” is an understatement!

    I always got my copies of these books from the “Sci Fi Book Club” and they always had the Frazettta covers, which were adrenaline packed and sexy.

    How many shots of cognac to erase this Schoonover cover from my mind?

  11. Bibliomancer Says:

    Looks more like Joan Carter of Mars, amirite, guys?

  12. fred Says:

    If this was a photo and not a painting I would swear the blonde head was photoshopped onto the body.

  13. drlemaster Says:

    “Most people wouldn’t feel the need to use iron sights at a distance under 5 inches, but I am not taking any chances.”

  14. Ian Says:

    The Gads of Mars

    I’m not familiar with that title…

    Why is the “ship” so small? Tiny portholes and tiny railing.

  15. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Rags—judging by the facial expression, I think we need a “GULP!” somewhere in there too.

    You’d think someone packing that much weaponry wouldn’t be so astonished that there’s danger afoot.

  16. uporeke Says:

    She was the first Kan-Musu

  17. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I searched for God.

    This is the first result.

    Maybe I should have looked for God somewhere else first. 🙁

  18. Tom Noir Says:

    More like The Gods of Does Nan Know You’ve Been Raiding Her Closet Again?

    At least he didn’t try to put on her heels again this time.

  19. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    The Gods of Donald Trump’s Toupee

  20. Tat Wood Says:

    It’s Grayson Perry and a big ceramic airplane

  21. anon Says:

    “Look, I’m telling you: they specifically said the title is ‘The Goos °ł Mars'”

  22. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Fabio vs. the black dentists?

  23. Mark Thompson Says:

    The white guy is not John Carter. He’s the villain. The black guy is the buddy of John Carter, and if I remember right was taking righteous vengeance here.

    Those pasty-white “therns” with their wigs were real nasties.

  24. fred Says:

    Mars needs shoes.

  25. Lillie Awesome Says:

    Don’t bring a cutlass, a dirk, a flintlock duelling pistol, an extra belt, and a long purse strap to a gunfight.

    Do wear your best otolaryngologist’s mirror.

  26. Alice Says:

    Egads of Mars

  27. Tor Mented Says:

    At the top, you can see a fold in the green screen. Disney really cut the budget for this one.

  28. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Mark Thompson: both the Therns and the Black Martians were bad ‘uns (basically, those running a long con were in turn being conned), the black guy was A Man Who Learns Better.

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