Oct 07

Screw you and your damn wolf! I have a fu*king dragon!!Click for full image

I want you to listen to me, very carefully! Wolf howls up to the sky while a dragon flies in the background with a knight on its back. Again in the foreground a bowl cut man stands, his hand grasped firmly and suggestively around his sword. If you want to see your family again you will draw what I tell you.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.31 out of 10)

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19 Responses to “Assassins Quest”

  1. SI Says:

    Oh I do love this cover. It’s almost perfect. If only they had put a magic orb or lightening in there. hehe

  2. little mi Says:

    ooo… lightening coming from the sword! That would be perfect.

    Is it just me or is the wolf a bit, well, fat. Clearly too many doggie treats there.

  3. CSA Says:

    That wolf does look like its eaten a few too many pies, I don’t think its howling… its yawning.

    The bowl cut is awesome, lightning on the sword would easily bump it up another star. The font is offensive but not Webber offensive.

    (I’ve actually read this series (better covers though), Its a very good story and well written)

  4. little mi Says:

    I have also read it and enjoyed it very much. I never really saw him as having quite such an amazing bowl cut and the wolf was generally a bit leaner and meaner in my imagination.

    In fact i’m rather glad I hadn’t seen this cover when i read the books as it might have changed the whole experience for me and not really in a good way…

  5. Adam Heine Says:

    Does anyone else see this? This cover contains two instances of the word “ass” and one “arse”.

  6. SI Says:

    Your right… there is a lot of ass on that.

    Hold on… does anyone else notice…. if you link up the wolf’s ass… with the mouth of the dragon… a random space in the sky..and the sword hand of that guy.. then the wolfs mouth!!!! Sweet lordy….


  7. JustinLeego Says:

    I heard that if you take the original painting and scratch away at the cloud at the lower left tip of the pentagram you’ll find…. A FULL MOON!

  8. Cara Powers Says:

    I have this book and the it has all those elements in the story, but the cover really doesn’t fit at all. How’d they do that?

  9. Roses Says:

    That truly is awful. It’s the tones of the colours which are setting my teeth on edge…never mind wondering why he is holding the blade of his sword. That must be one dull sword if he can do that and not shred his fingers.

  10. SI Says:

    Maybe it’s just an ornamental sword. It has it to try and look tuff!

  11. Adam Sampson Says:

    The cover is at least reasonably appropriate, if poorly executed. What’s baffling is the “Author of Fool’s Fate” strapline—which is a later book in the same series, so highly unlikely to be a good way selling someone on buying Assassin’s Quest…

  12. Brian B Says:

    I wonder why the last foot or so of the sword blade is discolored (also yup I’m American so ignore my American bastardization of English spelling conventions :). Is that supposed to be blood, or a lighting effect? Also is it just me or is that blade not entirely straight? It looks like bowl-cut guy is bending it? Perhaps this is the legendary +5 “Rubber sword of annoyingly whacking your enemies on the backside”

  13. Stevie T Says:

    That’s a guy?!? Oh great, until I started reading the posts, I thought that was a girl!

  14. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Ladies and gentlemen: you are looking at the most generic Generic Fantasy cover in existence. Kneel in awe before the cover! Submit to its sublime generic-ness!

  15. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Bowlcut: ‘My friends, I’m taking you on my latest quest. Take a guess at what we’re doing.’

    Dragon: ‘Oh! Oh! Are we going to snatch a fair maiden from a castle and hold her for ransom?’

    Bowlcut: ‘Not quite!’

    Wolf: ‘Er…sniff someone’s posterior? Urinate on everything? Eat raw meat?’

    Bowlcut: ‘No! None of that!’

    Dragon: ‘Oh, no…’

    Wolf: ‘…don’t tell me…’

    Bowlcut: *dramatic pose* ‘We’re going to assassinate someone or something!’

    Dragon and Wolf: ‘Not AGAIN!’

  16. Tat Wood Says:

    Dragon and Wolf:
    Valdereee, Valderaaaa, Valdereeeeeee, Valderah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah

    Bowlcut is bending a bronze sword over her own shoulder in frustration and quietly humming ‘Tom’s Diner’ to herself.

  17. SI Says:

    Farseer?!? Doesn’t seem to notice that dragon beside him that’s for sure!

  18. Bibliomancer Says:

    @SI — I just noticed somebody has the secret password to post pictures in comments.

  19. Rev Says:

    @Bibliomancer – it’s easy. All the cool kids are doing it..

    (edit: turns out I’m not one of the cool kids..)

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