Mar 09

Bronze Axe: The new Axe body spray and bronze tanner. All-in-one!Click for full image

Raoul Comments: Get crackin’, punsters!

Published 1969

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.55 out of 10)

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49 Responses to “The Bronze Axe”

  1. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:


  2. Bibliomancer Says:

    And she is naked and underarm-ed.

  3. Francis Boyle Says:

    C’mon Dick Blade is never unarmed – especially when he’s naked.

    I’ll get to the puns later but I just had to get that one out there.

  4. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Francis: So did he…

    What exactly is that fellow with the bronze axe swinging at? Is he actually within arm’s reach of Blade, but very, very short?

  5. RachelJ Says:

    Anyone know if Mr Blade’s activities always take place in the same eternally naked dimension? Because if he’s visiting scores of otherworlds, none of the inhabitants of which ever wear clothes…. well, makes you think, doesn’t it?

    Maybe it’s we who are the truly naked ones.

  6. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    What is spear-guy DOING? Is this a new competitive twirling exercise?

  7. L.B. Says:

    “Don’t look Etheeeeeeelllll!” “And they call him the Blade! With his sword he knows he’s got it made!” “Boogidy!”

  8. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Dead Big Teeth Stuff—spear-guy is recoiling in horror: “Holy shit he’s naked again!”

  9. B. Chiclitz Says:

    The usually taciturn Dick Blade seems to be whispering something to little Barbette. Let’s listen:

    “Pssst, behind you!”

  10. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @RachelJ—psychically, we are all stripped naked by . . . The Blade.

  11. JuanPaul Says:

    Blocked from view by Dick’s ass is a ferocious dino-mite that they are all attacking together. Like teamwork!

  12. Tom Noir Says:

    According to this lengthy review of the book, Richard Blade does indeed spend an inordinate amount of time running around naked.

  13. THX 1138 Says:

    Naked and unarmed – COMPLETELY BY CHOICE.

  14. JuanPaul Says:

    Before Dick got there, it was a world of sophisticated intellectualism and romantic escapades.

  15. Tat Wood Says:

    What’s that looming behind the spearholder? It’s the robot waiter/vibrator from ‘The Last Galaxy Game’ if the shape’s any guide.

  16. fred Says:

    Beastly britches beard bedecked bronze bearing baldy bad barbarian bellowing.
    Blade bemused.

  17. Yoss Says:

    “Naked and unarmed — Richard Blade is plunged by computer….”

    – Wow, this book is really ahead of its time.

    “…. into a strange world….”

    – Oh.

  18. Anna T. Says:

    Unless I misread @Tom Noir’s link, this is the first book in the series. So maybe, just maybe, this is setting a precedent. I mean, we all know that Richard Blade is so badass that clothing is beneath him. We don’t even see his face, as the artist chose to go for a rear view instead.

  19. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Is she actually trying to push him over onto his back?

  20. Raoul Says:


  21. JuanPaul Says:

    @dswbt she’s trying to hold him up. Dick wasn’t able for the barbarian beer.

  22. Bibliomancer Says:

    All three warriors are battling invisible, imaginary opponents

  23. iMark Says:

    Those clothing optional beaches are attracting some violent types these days.

    Still, I want to know how he’s in a world with the technology to make a sword like that, but which hasn’t bothered with anything except the most rudimentary clothing.

  24. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Yeeaaaah, it’s been too long since we saw good ol’ Naked Dick.
    (that’s what she said)


    Spear-guy appears to be twirling, possibly hoping to become the majorette of the Barbarian U. Marching Band. Axe-guy seems to be winding it up and slinging it, hoping to make the Strange World Olympic Hammer Throw finals.

    Also, I can’t help staring at the small of Dick’s back. He’s got a weird muscle or bone situation going on there. Must have thrown it out swinging the sword — maybe the blonde IS holding him up! Maybe she’s a chiropractor?

    @L.B. (7): good reference.

  25. Francis Boyle Says:


    Apparently there was a Superman story were Supes was able to bud off little Supermen to help him out. Maybe that’s what’s going on here. Little Dicks. Well, reasonably large miniature Dicks. (We don’t want to embarrass the man).

    Do dick jokes even count as puns? I’ve got a promise to keep.

  26. Yoss Says:

    Mr. Blade isn’t being very gallant using her as a human shield like that.

  27. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Francis Boyle: when the name of the series character is already a pun, I don’t think anything further we have to say on the subject counts. They started it! They wanted us to refer to the mighty upstanding Dick.

    @Tom Noir (12): I read all 3 of the reviews (we’ve seen them all here), and egads. The books are even worse than we thought.

    I do hope B’mancer’s encouragement over there will induce Ms. or Mr. pulpfiles to continue reviewing — at least as long as they can stand to. Having to take such long breaks between books to wait for the brain bleach to work bodes ill.

    At age 48, Stokes married his younger brother’s widow, which… what?

  28. Bibliomancer Says:

    @GSS-X – I read all three reviews over at the pulpfiles blog and they are hilarious! I encourage my fellow GSS-ers to head on over there and leave comments. The pulpfiles admin is a kindred spirit and we should urge them to complete their fantastic deep dives into the Dick Blade series and the shadowy biography of Manning Lee Stokes.

  29. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I want Ms. pulpfiles * to keep reading and reviewing. We got the general idea from the covers, but who knew about the pervy hunchback Lord and opening the books with political talk? Weirder than we thought.

    Eager to see how/if the books change when another author takes over too — would they get less literate?

    *relatively certain pulpfiles is a Ms. And I would like to be her friend. And I hope she joins us here with her snark.

  30. pulpfiles Says:

    Thanks for the kind words everybody! Working on a review of Slave of Sarma now. Should be up this week.

    Love this site!

  31. DaveM Says:

    @iMark (23), maybe this guy is their local smith?

  32. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Blade: “Have at it, you! C’mon! I’ll slice you open!”
    Naked Damsel: “No! Back off! Can’t you see they’re not trying to fight us? They’re doing Combat Zumba!”

  33. Bibliomancer Says:

    Hello pulpfiles, welcome to GSS! Looking forward to your next Blade review. I also might have a little more info on Manning Lee Stokes’s bio.

  34. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Oooh! The first half of the review is up! And the cover is purest GSS material!

    Contains the perfect sentence: “He is naked, because Blade.”

    @TW: missing “Faux-nan” tag. Also “the no-pants dance”.

  35. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Is there one book in the series where the copy editor’s patience just ran out?


  36. Tracy Says:

    That is one rough-looking, rode-hard-and-put-away-wet damsel in distress. Just saying.

  37. Tad Says:

    Better axe for a bit more bronzer.

  38. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Q: What are “superhuman lusts”?
    A: Essentially, the last act of a desperate copy editor.

  39. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I am sad that neither GSS nor Pulpfiles has brought us more Dick since March.

  40. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @GSS x-innuendo: after coming to you, Dick needs a little while to rest and get ready for another round.


  41. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I imagine DSWBT put on his sunglasses after that while Roger Daltrey yelled in the background.

  42. Hammy Says:

    @Tad (#37):

    This makes my brain hurt – Dick Blade is darker above the waist than below. There seem to be three possibilites:

    a) DB goes around England (not other dimensions, though; we know he’s nude there) with his shirt off and always wears long pants,

    b) DB ran out of sunless tanner halfway through application,

    c) there is a very bright light, tightly-focused on DB’s lower half, that is washing out only that part of the picture.

  43. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Hammy: since we can’t see below Dick’s butt, he might be going about England with nothing but short pants for all we know.

  44. DaveM Says:

    @Hammy @GSS ex-noob, I choose to believe the difference in colour is a result of the completely plot related “greasing up” he gets from Lord L before starting each adventure as dimension X’s sentient erection.

  45. Hammy Says:

    @DaveM (#44):

    You’re probably right. I didn’t think about Lord L and his propensity for “greasing up” DB. However, that just suggests to me that, given Dick’s propensities in Dimension X (or XXX, maybe?), the grease rubs off his lower half.

    Which means Dick’s blade really is shiny. 😉

  46. GSS ex-noob Says:

    This is still missing the “no pants dance” tag.

    @Dave M: But do we know if the grease goes with him? None of the people he meets ever mentions he’s covered in “viscous, dark” grease. His jockstrap or loincloth or whatever disappears when he transports. So might the grease.

    (goes back though Pulpfiles recaps)

    Oh, it says at the beginning of #3 that he’s tanned and only wearing a pair of white shorts.

    That explains his white ass. Covered by the white shorts. I’m not sure how he stays so bronzed in London and Dorset, but Blade is mighty!

  47. Hammy Says:


    Sunless tanning lotion.

  48. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Hammy: You’d think he’d apply it to his tush as well. If I was naked in public as much as he is, I’d want an all-over tan. Don’t want the natives snickering at his pearly white bum.

    I don’t think he’s orange enough for 60’s-era tanning lotion. He might have a sunlamp.

    I bet Lord L would be happy to apply tanning lotion all over along with the mysterious grease. Or a British popsy could do it.

    Speculation about what colour his, erm, favorite weapon is is too frightening to contemplate.

  49. BootstrapperW Says:

    What is her left hand doing?

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