Mar 29

Painting: 'The Horrors of Interplanetary War' by Sir Johnny Bruck, National Portrait GalleryClick for full image

Bibliomancer Comments: In the future, hair restoration technology has entered a new dark age.

Published 1970

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.88 out of 10)

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29 Responses to “Blazon”

  1. JuanPaul Says:

    “You bastard! Look at my jacket! It’s MANGLED!’

  2. Tom Noir Says:

    Did that one dude just shoot a guy with his flashlight?!?

  3. JuanPaul Says:

    @TN. “Pew! Pew! Pew!”

  4. Ray P Says:

    Fish bowl helmet on nineteen twenties diving-suit spells F U T U R E. “Don’t just stand there, you fool! Help me find my toupee.”

  5. fred Says:

    Unless the mangling is really bad I don’t see any future women on this cover.

  6. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    A blazon is the subatomic particle emitted by blazers and smoking jackets.

  7. Bibliomancer Says:

    Second from the right, playing solitaire Rock, Paper, Scissors.

  8. Raoul Says:

    I believe that title font is called Seizure Bold.

  9. Francis Boyle Says:

    Twister. In space.

    Either that or interpretive dance. Yeah, probably interpretive dance.

  10. JuanPaul Says:

    I totally would have expected the old guy in the foreground to be a helpless scantily clad woman. Restraint or missed opportunity?

  11. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @JP: depends on your tastes. 😉

  12. THX 1138 Says:

    Yes, it does blah on, doesn’t it?

  13. Anna T. Says:

    It’s the future, and they’re still using WWII-era pistols? Come on, where are the energy weapons?

  14. Hammy Says:

    Well, at least it’s an *original* novel, not some cheap rip-off of yet another novel….

  15. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Future men and women—lives and love—mangled by the horrors
    of bad sentence structure.

  16. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    For your consideration…Jacob Pendergrast Mulholland IV. A comfortable man of comfortable means, content to sit at his club and enjoy life passing by. But when Club Tycoon sends man to Moon and Mulholland is marooned, he will find himself mangled by the least interesting horrors of interplanetary war, in…


  17. Yoss Says:

    (apologies in advance)

    @fred #5

    That’s because they got mangled, not womangled.

  18. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Blazon vs. Balzan: who wins?

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Okay, one overdressed, under-haired fop, two soldier/guard types who can be disarmed of their 1940’s weapons by a large flashlight, and a guy in a 1920’s diving suit (why? No one else is in any sort of protective gear) with said big 1960’s flashlight and a handgun he apparently doesn’t need.

    Terrible grammar in the blurb, a hideous eye-hurting font for the title… did this sell more than the one copy we see here? I mean, it doesn’t even have any Space Sheep or Mix-a-lot attractors to bring in the horny adolescent male demographic. Nor any hot men for the horny female/gay demographic.

    Not only is this a failure of cover design due to ugly, it seems to be a failure due to lack of interest.

    Blahs on, indeed.

  20. JuanPaul Says:

    GSSXN On behalf of the publisher, graphic designer, and artist: “ouch”

  21. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I calls ’em as I sees ’em, JuanPaul.

    I mean, once my eyes start working again. That takes a while with some of these covers.

    If diving-suit guy had a proper spacesuit and a nice zap gun, it’d be better. As it is, it looks like the two guards are just guys in uniform (possibly the boy-toys of the fop) and they’re going “Eeek! We just wear the outfits for fun, and our guns are plastic! We surrender!”

    Or maybe it’s Space Halloween, and diving-suit guy is crashing the party.

  22. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Did the book come with 3-D glasses you were supposed to look at the title logo with?

  23. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Wait, is that the flashlight weapon from Time Trap? Goodness, it’s deadlier than it appeared at first presentation.

  24. Lctwice Says:

    Don’t count Gorbachev out just yet.

  25. HappyBookworm Says:

    I think the rollover text is spot on…This is surely an interpretive tableaux of some future battle. They had to use a flashlight so as to have a model of a “laser flash” that would stand still to be painted…Still, they could have done better than a poor stunt double of the Wizard of OZ for the foreground. He seems to have a mechanic’s jumpsuit under his wizardly jacket.

  26. simple guy Says:

    Dead Stuff With Big Teeth For your consideration…Please come out of your Blah Zone..

  27. JP Says:

    @ Dead Stuff With Big Teeth…Nobody can send you to moon if you are stable inside.

  28. fred Says:

    How future Sen. Joe McCarthy meets Roy Cohn for the first time.

  29. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @fred: If Roy’s involved, that explains the lack of women on the cover.

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