Sep 14

Art department: We have font problems. J. Bea Font that is.Click for larger image

Aaaah! My eyes! Your eyes!Click for larger image

Keep your eyes closed and turn around. I have a surprise for you!Click for larger image

It’s a bonus Three-fer Thursday – “The Berkley Showcase” of fine cover art

Roger Comments: I’ve had these for years. Thought they might be GSS worthy.

Published 1980, 1981

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.07 out of 10)

Tagged with:

22 Responses to “The Berkley Showcase”

  1. Francis Boyle Says:

    #1 Err, OK, I suppose.

    #3 Slightly rapey Star Trek cosplay was par for the course in early eighties, I hear.

    #2 What the fuckin’ fuck. The only way this could be more brain-meltingly awful would be if the woman was holding a turkey drumstick in that paw of hers.

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    1: Don’t shoot with your mouth full.

    2: “Look what I almost stepped in!”

    3: Violet-ing her personal space.

  3. Bibliomancer Says:

    #1 – The Berkley Clusterfuck

    #2 – “Of course it’s safe. I’ve been drinking from that pool for weeks with no ill effects.”

    #3 – “Let me mansplain to you about manspreading.”

  4. fred Says:

    It’s Elizabeth Berkley Day.

  5. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    #1: credit where credit is due, it’s difficult to maintain a steady aim when an elf is dry-humping your leg.

    #2: “My God…the Earth! It’s been right under our feet the whole time!”

    #3: If the artist were capable of positioning limbs on rocks, this wouldn’t be so bad. If.

  6. fred Says:

    Elizabeth Berkley #2) Has she got a cat’s paw for a right hand?

  7. B. Chiclitz Says:

    1. No sweat, no stink, no pinch. Duluth brand jockey shorts are the most comfortable to get dry humped by an elf in.

    2. “So that’s where golden showers come from!”

    3. Creepiest. Disco ‘stach. Ever.

  8. Anna T. Says:

    1. I was not expecting to see a lion-man in a speedo with a small fairy wrapped provocatively around his leg.

    2. Is the reason why her eyes are glowing the same reason why she forgot her pants?

    3. Hey, everyone else who called cover 2 rapey? THIS is the rapey one. Eeeh . . . that guy’s body language . . . the woman’s body language . . . yuck.

  9. Tat Wood Says:

    @Anna T.: She looks more grapey than rapey. He’s just trying to impress her with his no-hands harmonica playing while on lunch-break from the go-kart track.

    At least the first one pays lip-service to the ‘showcase’ idea and has a pile-up of different genre-ish images. It reminds me of the old ‘People Like Us Shop at Forbidden Planet’ carrier bags of the early 80s. They know their audience and have put the heavily-armed cat-man in a posing pouch front and centre.

    2 & 3 only work that way if the artist’s tried to convey three or four mutually-exclusive stories (so 2 might have one about self-aware custard-puddles, another about a boggle-eyed she-werewolf and some Richard Hatch fanfic, for example).

  10. Raoul Says:

    @fred – She starred in The Elizabeth Berkley Showcase a.k.a. Showgirls.

  11. THX 1138 Says:

    There’s a definite sewage leak vibe about Number 2, which could easily be a Number 1 as well.

  12. Yoss Says:

    With enough colloidal silver, #3 doesn’t have to remain mere fantasy.

  13. Mellie M. Says:

    I had to give up on the first cover when my eyes wouldn’t focus. There was a cat-ape guy with a ray gun, I got that much. He really needs pants. If that woman would let go of his leg, he could put on some trousers.

    However, the second and third covers – Have you ever seen the first-edition Nancy Drew books? Because I swear, the second and third covers look like Nancy Drew in space. Or maybe LSD Nancy Drew? Or LSD Nancy Drew in space? I’m just not sure what mysteries she’s solving. Maybe she’s trying to figure out the first book cover.

  14. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Mellie: #2, THE MYSTERY OF SMUGGLER’S RIFT IN THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM. Where the real mystery is why her boyfriend keeps tagging along.

  15. drlemaster Says:

    Before I read comments, I didn’t realize lion guy in the first cover was holding a ray gun. Looks like he is holding some space-martini, and is sipping it through a straw. Yes, I know that’s not how you are supposed to drink a martini.

  16. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Mellie M.—Whatever the title, I enjoy the idea of Nancy Drew on acid. I think it has legs.

  17. Alice Says:

    #2 – This one is so weird. Looking more closely she has a dog’s paw for a right hand and a glove carrying something on her left. And her guy friend is digging for truffles apparently.

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    #1: Wow, that’s a blobby confused mess. Let me enlarge it… Nope, still a mess. Why is some homunculus humping lion-man’s leg?

    #2: Too much caffeine… she has an animal paw? and maybe an oven mitt? She’s curtsying to a puddle of pee? I agree with the chap’s expression.

    #3: Bog-standard skiffy. Although I don’t get the position of their feet. He looks thrilled to be a hairdresser in spaaace, though — FABulous.

  19. Baby Says:

    Lion guy? I thought mister Speedo there was an Anthro Walrus!

  20. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Tell me, Xorga… why is it, that there is so little physical variation among the humanoids outside Earth? Why are all your females the same shape?”

    “Isn’t it obvious, Earthman? We can’t have a galactic civilization without a rigid beauty code. All skinny, fat and flat-chested people must be purged… and now the turn has come to Earth!! MUA HA HA HAAA!!”

  21. Tat Wood Says:

    #3: Why, Smurfette… you’re beautiful

  22. Hammy Says:

    #3. I don’t know. The expression on purple-skinned girl looks to me like King Bad-Porn-Stache is pulling her hair.

    “Confess, woman! You were Violet Beauregarde in a previous life!”

Leave a Reply