Nov 27

When science fair projects go badClick for larger image

Ozzy Comments: This pizza looks terrible.

Published 1982

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.08 out of 10)

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29 Responses to “Under the Mountain”

  1. Lillie Awesome Says:

    Maybe if the author’s name had been Maurice Omigosh, or Maurice HolyCriminy, or Maurice Amazeballs, the artist would have colored pencil-sketched some more enthusiastic looking kids.

  2. Bibliomancer Says:

    “If you knew how to hold a flashlight right I wouldn’t have gotten my hand stuck in this mess.”

  3. B. Chiclitz Says:

    The devastating effects of opioid abuse among the inbred children of Maine.

  4. Tat Wood Says:

    Anglo-French cuisine fails: Moules Frites meets Jellied Eels and Mash.

  5. fred Says:

    Amazingly this cover was made into a movie starring Sam Neill and also a TV mini-series.

  6. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I’m curious as to how the Bobbsey Twins stumbled upon the throne of Ubbo-Sathla the Unbegotten Source. So points for promotion, I suppose.

  7. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Goodness, I got in one try.

  8. Anna T. Says:

    Children looking and touching grey slime with vaguely repulsed facial expressions. The girl, holding a flashlight, uses it all wrong. And are those eggs?

    In short, there are no mountains anywhere.

  9. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Anna T.—No, no mountains anywhere, but in embiggened view I seem to detect some sort of shadowy stone gate or archway in the background, just to the left of the “U” in the title. What’s up with that?
    I also seem to see a left-facing squirrel formed out of foliage blobs just beneath it. So what’s up with that?

  10. Raoul Says:

    Papa John’s Pizza really sucks.

  11. Bibliomancer Says:

    Good to see the “sticky fingers” tag is getting more use.

  12. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Anna, BC: and someone switched my mescaline with vitamin pills, what’s up with that? 😉

    As for the mountains, of course they’re not visible. They’re off the cover. The story is set under the mountains.

  13. JuanPaul Says:

    She got some on her flashlight, now it’s stuck to her face.

  14. Tor Mented Says:

    Question: What’s worse than biting into a mountain and finding a worm?
    Answer: Finding half a worm.

  15. Tor Mented Says:

    The X-ray view in the lower right shows that the eggs are going to hatch into puffins.
    (Actually, I wonder what the cover artist was puffin.)

  16. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Why are there shadows under “Under” and “Mountain” but not under “The”? Is this an allegory? I’d ask “What’s up with that” but I don’t want to steal DeadStuff’s signature line. 😛

  17. Tor Mented Says:

    “Lousy torch! When you’re under a mountain, you can’t get a signal to make outgoing calls.”

  18. THX 1138 Says:

    “And lashings and lashings of Ambrosia Rice Pudding!”

  19. Leak Says:

    @B. Chiclitz: “Gettin’ high on your own pizza pie.”

  20. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I thought this was something self-published recently.

    Imagine my surprise upon seeing the date and an actual publisher name.

    I was almost as surprised as these kids are excited.

    Much less sticky, though.

  21. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    The puffin looks like its fart is propelling it upwards.

  22. THX 1138 Says:

    I don’t think puffins can fart. Puffin was the beloved children’s arm of the famed British publisher Penguin. Most of my childhood books are from Puffin or Armada. Then I discovered Fighting Fantasy!

  23. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @THX: I don’t know about puffins, but the ring-necked pheasant certainly can. Although as the former is a charadriform and the latter is a galliform, they’re not the most closely related.

  24. B. Chiclitz Says:

    DSWBigT—Thanks for the article. Very informative. Poor pheasant fella. But I admire your scholarship and direct you to the following journal. Perhaps you know of it as the state of the art in fowl research?

  25. GSS ex-noob Says:

    It is fantasy. Perhaps the puffin has magic levitating farts.

    I’m certain that never before in my life, have I said, read, or heard the line “Perhaps the puffin has magic levitating farts.”

    Look what madness this terrible cover has driven me to.

    Good Show, Unknown Sir!

  26. Tor Mented Says:

    One way or another, it’s a’puffin.

  27. Tracy Says:

    The two kids just look so… disinterested in whatever they’re doing.

  28. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Trudy and Billy, you step away from that Steve Bannon right now! You don’t know where he’s been!”

  29. Caustic Lizard Says:

    The author is from New Zealand, and the story is set there. As John Oliver has showcased, we put terrible things on pizza.

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