Apr 16

Just chillin' in ye olde beane bag chairClick for larger image

JuanPaul Comments: “Haters gonna hayaaate”
Published 1992

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.17 out of 10)

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18 Responses to “The Captain”

  1. Francis Boyle Says:

    “Woman! You’re not fit to hug my waist! Try my ankle and maybe I’ll let you work your way up (a little bit).”

    I expect that, for once, the cover is a pretty good representation of the book.

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    What you can’t see is the pile of chicken drumsticks behind the throne, each with a single bite taken out of them.

  3. fred Says:

    No one puts the Science into Science Fiction like John Norman. If it weren’t for the Science of gravity this cover would be 1000% better, but John Norman cares about Science and the way it is depicted on his book covers.

  4. Bibliomancer Says:

    It’s this guy, in his younger days.

  5. Tor Mented Says:

    Before Netflix and chill.
    At first glance, I thought the dancer had a dramatic, upswept dragon hairdo.
    I like the catty look on the woman in red.

  6. Tat Wood Says:

    Ed Miliband wonders why he was invited on Dom DeLuise’s stag night – and where everyone else got to.

  7. Anna T. Says:

    The blurb in the lower left corner says the guy who wrote this book also wrote the Gor series. I can’t say I’m surprised.

  8. Tracy Says:

    I imagine the girl in red (and by extension the model they used) making some snotty comment under her breath about the lameness of this whole scenario.

  9. JuanPaul Says:

    Which one of these people is the The Captain? I see The Diva, The DoucheBag (on the beanbag), The Hater, The Glutton. That only leaves the woman on the floor with the really big big-toe on her left foot.

  10. Tor Mented Says:

    I imaging the woman in red thinking: ‘Oh, Sherry just HAD to do the “sacred” dance of Ishtar so she could flash her butt in that outfit.’

  11. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Everyone looks bored, even the king.

    I think the woman in red speaks for all of us.

    The title font is… uh… indescribable.

    The blurb down right contains way too many “of”.

    @JuanPaul: I’m guessing beanbag douchebag is The Captain. Captain Douchebag.

  12. Raoul Says:

    Artwork by Vallejo the Lesser.

  13. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Ah, Mr. Norman! We meet again…
    [Cracks knuckles, stretches neck, draws deep breath]

    My only objection to this cover is that it’s completely unnecessary. When I go to the bathroom, I need to reach the paper without having to rip off a piece of colorful wrapping first.

  14. RachelJ Says:

    @GSS ex-noob. She rolls her eyes for all of us, you mean?

  15. Ben Says:

    Ah, c’mon…

    You just hate Prof Norman coz he isn’t P.C.
    The covers to his books are excellent art and relate to the story. They aren’t abstract nightmares of stock art. This shouldn’t be here.

  16. RachelJ Says:

    @Ben. Pray point me to the section of the Rules (you’ll find them up in that bar at the top of the page) that states submissions need to be “abstract nightmares of stock art”.

    Actually I do agree that the artwork is technically rather good- it’s the subject matter, and the treatment, that amuses us. Also the title font. That’s some font, don’t you think?

  17. Tat Wood Says:

    @Ben: there I was thinking my problem with the nutty professor was that his books are prodigiously dull and that this cover was silly because the situation it depicts is one of profound embarrassment rather than Arabian Delight as intended.

    Thanks for clearing that up.

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Ben hasn’t realized that “cover accurately depicts the book” is beside the point hereabouts. “Cover is daft, ugly, scary, or risible” is why we’re here.

    And there is NO excuse for that title font.

    What’s the splorch on the floor where diva is dancing? Probably supposed to be some kind of animal skin, but that might slide around… blood stain or something else that makes me think “Ooh, you’re going to have to sand down and reseal that part of the floor, that stain’s not going to come out.”

    Says it’s a “stunning new series”. Are the characters stunned instead of bored? Can we read a book about the lady in red instead?

    Do we have a tag for “artwork being in a frame” or summat? Because that is. I think it, the title, and the top line are all decoupaged onto faux marble.

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