Dec 17
Click for larger imageThe Bookkeeper Comments: Orlando Bloom stars as Legolas Lestat in a new vampire/elf mash-up.
Published 1998
(Average: 8.14 out of 10)
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The Bookkeeper Comments: Orlando Bloom stars as Legolas Lestat in a new vampire/elf mash-up.
Published 1998
(Average: 8.14 out of 10)Loading...
(10.00 out of 10)
(9.26 out of 10) (9.20 out of 10) (9.02 out of 10) (9.00 out of 10) (8.98 out of 10) (8.95 out of 10) (8.95 out of 10) (8.95 out of 10) (8.94 out of 10)
December 17th, 2018 at 9:36 am
I ticked 8 stars, because it DOES belong in a gold-lame picture frame.
The title manages to be bad in at least 3 different ways.
That blurb reaches both new length, new heights of purple prose, but sadly, no depth at all.
Also, all the humanoids pictured on the cover appear to have plastic skin. Not a dent or wrinkle/fold among them.
December 17th, 2018 at 10:41 am
I’m putting this straight into my Elrod cupboard.
December 17th, 2018 at 10:45 am
Just did a search, yup, this is the actor Nigel Bennett, you know, from Lexx. Except on the cover he’s given himself more hair. Artistic license?
December 17th, 2018 at 1:52 pm
@THX 1139—”Elrod Cupboard” deserves at least three smileys! GSS!!
😉 😉 😉
December 17th, 2018 at 1:56 pm
Looks like they’ve straightened out the Leaning Tower of Pisa down there on the right. Now that is mind bending, if not flesh rending.
December 17th, 2018 at 2:09 pm
‘The dead do not care for fulsome, fluorescent prose.’ – Kai
Nigel Bennett/Prince LEXX music vid. It’s like he stepped right off a GSS cover.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkTRRNSnNZA
December 17th, 2018 at 2:13 pm
If I remember correctly, Bennett was also in “Forever Knight” back in the 90’s as a vampire adversary for the hero.
December 17th, 2018 at 3:50 pm
The subtext if that blurb is a warning to not buy this book.
December 17th, 2018 at 5:17 pm
Wow. I learned so much today.
Oh and “Elrod Cupboard”? STFU. We can shut the comments down now. Good Show Sir!
December 17th, 2018 at 5:20 pm
Both of the men on this cover look creepy. It may be intentional in the case of Leather Jacket down there, given the position of the woman he’s standing with, but the guy who’s presumably supposed to be the hero is probably not supposed to look that disturbing.
December 17th, 2018 at 5:52 pm
♪ Flesh rend-ah
Savior of the universe
Flesh
He’ll suck every one of us
Flesh
He’s a mind bending
Flesh
King of the fluorescent prose
(This morning’s unprecedented cheesy cover is no cause for alarm.) ♪
December 17th, 2018 at 6:40 pm
One of the great social benefits of the Sci-Fi genre is the way it can help raise awareness of important science-related social issues. For example, it is good to see fluorescent prose, because it draws less power and is therefore more environmentally friendly than incandescent prose. Of course LED prose wold be even better.
December 17th, 2018 at 6:57 pm
@BC the problem with fluorescent prose is that is doesn’t emit the entire spectrum, leading to depression and vampirism.
December 17th, 2018 at 7:54 pm
@JP—I’ve heard that one of the few ways to kill a vampire is to plunge a fluorescent light tube into its chest.
December 18th, 2018 at 12:31 am
Instructions to artist: “This book contains some bloodsucking, mind-bending and flesh-rending but it’s mostly about eye-staring. Please emphasise that.”
December 18th, 2018 at 2:50 am
Nigel Bennett!
(works just as well as “Gordon”.)
So ol’ Nige had a Mary Sue idea and got Elrod to write it for him. Although, being of a theatrical persuasion, p’raps he contributed some of the “fulsome fluorescent prose”.
The “writer of Mary Sue books” idea seems to fit since PN also brought us “Myhr” (and yes, they still should all yiff in hell).
And we’ve had one other book with Nigel, though not with such a fulsome blurb.
One guess as to which publishing house released this series in the US!
GSS to THX! and JP.
@Tag: don’t we have a “visible waves” tag? Giant Staring Nige there is visibly radiating, emitting sound waves, or something. Either that or he was badly scanned in and digitized — though nothing explains the elliptical shape.
December 18th, 2018 at 7:35 am
“Angel: the bad self-insert fanfic.”
January 2nd, 2019 at 11:08 am
I think it was facial-recognition software that killed this practice of using suspiciously well-known faces to sell books. You can no longer swipe a known face and get away with it…