Jun 05

Young tourists can't get excited about those Venice gondola ridesClick for larger image

Jonathan Art Direction: The Styx? OK, we need a boat. Give the boat eyes. No, give it two sets of eyes. And some empty eye sockets. And bat wings and a frog. And a hand coming out of a skull holding a rubber spider. Oh, don’t forget the boatman needs to have the author’s face.

Published 1984

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.64 out of 10)

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34 Responses to “The Stars Are the Styx”

  1. THX 1139 Says:

    “I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve called you all here tonight. Well, to tell the truth, I’ve forgotten.”

  2. Francis Boyle Says:

    Looks like someone shared some particularly potent heroin at the supermodels’ party last night.

    Also the rubber spider is just taking the piss.

  3. JuanPaul Says:

    Father Yod and the Ya Ho Wah 13 psych band go on tour.

  4. THX 1139 Says:

    @JuanPaul: That’s a deep cut! I like it!

  5. B. Chiclitz Says:

    So Charon has a rowboat, six cadavers, a frog, a disembodied hand and Cerebus the three headed dog and he has to get them across the river, but his rowboat can’t hold them all at once, but if he leaves the frog with the dog, the dog will eat the frog, and if he leaves the cadavers with the disembodied hand, they’ll eat the hand and turn into zombies so he . . . .

  6. fred Says:

    Rowena was like ‘If I don’t have to draw feet I’ll do all the teeth you want.’

  7. drlemaster Says:

    Who knew Cerberus was actually a three-headed prairie dog.

  8. Smith Says:

    “Hey girl. Yeah I work out. What, you didn’t know the Sturge is ripped A.F? Well, how’d you like these guns?”

  9. JuanPaul Says:

    @fred which is unusual, because she can actually draw feet!

    @thx deep cuts are always a risky proposition. Glad you appreciate it 😊

  10. Bibliomancer Says:

    No. You’ve got it all backwards. Styx are the stars!

  11. Ryan Says:

    Does Charon segregate his self-loading cargo, and was today “Aryan Supermodel Day?”

    Also, is Charon punting his boat along at such a rapid pace that he is lifting the bow out of the water, but at the same time making no ripples and causing critical ennui among his passengers? Them’s some skills.

  12. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Charon: Wait a minute, this guy’s not quite dead yet. I’d better run him through the neck with this pointy stick. There, that’s better.

  13. Tor Mented Says:

    ♪ I’m sailing away. Set an open course for the virgin sea.
    ‘Cause I’ve got to be free. Free to face the death that’s in front of me.
    On board I’m a Sturgeon, but not a fish.
    We’ll search for tomorrow, and buy a knish.
    And I’ll try, oh Lord I’ll try
    To carrion. ♪

  14. Tat Wood Says:

    All right, I’ll ask the next question.

    Are the heads at the back of the boat also growing out of one body?

  15. Anna T. Says:

    I suppose Charon’s been working out.

    And I have to say, I never pictured Cerberus as a bulldog.

    …wait, whose hand is that sticking out of the figurehead holding a spider on a string? And why?

  16. JuanPaul Says:

    @Anna I’m still processing bulldog Cerberus. He looks like he wants a 3 milkbones™ and a belly rub.

  17. Ray P Says:

    Addams Family Thing? A bit of a fall from top-rated t.v. show to sf covers. He had that part on Star Trek, of course, grabbing hold of the Enterprise. Lurch (Ted Cassidy)was in Trek too as the voice of the Gorn in ‘Arena’ and Ruk the giant android of ‘What are little girls made of?’

  18. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Anna T. @ Ray P—Whatever it is, that hand has only four fingers, proving once again that even mysteriously disembodied, formerly A-list hands are hard to draw.

  19. Ray P Says:

    Sturgeon gathered this motley crew after they ran amok one time on shore leave.

  20. Bruce A Munro Says:

    As Francis Boyle notes, how do you take the piss out of a cover that’s already taking the piss out of itself? It’s a cover that says “I really don’t take the title seriously, and neither should you.”

  21. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Juan Paul: who’s the cutest little three-headed abomination? You are! You are!

  22. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    @Bruce A Munroe & Juan Paul: According to my slightly chewed Three Headed Dog Owners Guide, be careful petting your ‘Cerbie’ – if you give one head too much attention the other heads can get jealous, so you can’t go wrong with a good belly rub.

  23. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “I used to be a 90-pound weakling ferryman of the underworld. Even the dead kicked sand in my face. Then I entered the Charles Atlas Dynamic Tension Program – and now nobody dares to kick sand in my face! YOU can also become a he-man in the afterlife! Order Charles Atlas’ booklet TODAY!”

  24. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Francis Boyle: Death gives you a great makeover, but leaves you totally bushed.

  25. GSS ex-noob Says:

    As happened far too often, Ted’s covers lived up to his Law.

    Did he approve this? I doubt it. checks Wiki Hell (heh), this might have been what helped kill him.

    Doesn’t it look like there was a different head originally, and then Rowena said “Aha, I’ll be all clever and put Sturgeon’s head there! Never mind if it doesn’t blend in correctly!”

    The impaled frog has also got to be a piss-take.

    @BChic (5, 12): excellent!
    @drlemaster: LOL.

    @B’mancer: yes indeed. On that note (har), GSS to @Admin or @Tag, whoever came up with the line used on Twitter.

    @AnnaT, @JuanPaul: Bulldog puppy Cerebus doesn’t look too tough to get past. A MilkBone and you’re there. I think the boat ate someone — or part of them — and then accessorized with the hand and the rubber spider.

    @Tor: holds up lighter

    @Tat @Ray: good semi-deep cuts.

    GSS to all — splendid comments on this one.

  26. Outis Says:

    ‘Tis indeed magnificent, too much goodness to enumerate… I would only like to dissent from the last comment, I believe the frog is not impaled, it seems to be sitting pretty (if perplexed) on a sort of little comfy tray. Connected to a helmet. Resting on an animal skull. Which is gargling a hand. Which is dangling a spider. Is the spider on fire? My brain certainly is.
    Charon’s pervy eyes gloriously crown it all.

  27. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Outis: You’re right.

    I think the boat partook of the many drugs of the wild party that the Aryan supermodels went to. It’s the only halfway reasonable explanation for what’s going on with the bow.

  28. Tag Wizard Says:

    @GSSxN #25 – You can thank the under-appreciated Tweet Jane for getting the Twitter bon mots rolling again!

  29. THX 1139 Says:

    @TW: Hey, I never noticed the Twitter feed! Highly illogical – erm, amusing, I mean, as Doctor Spock from Space Wars would say.

  30. Tag Wizard Says:

    @THX – Your comment will make much more sense tomorrow. [He said cryptically, with arched eyebrow.]

  31. THX 1139 Says:

    @TW: It’s like Christmas Eve came early! Can’t wait for tomorrow morning! I’M SURE I WON’T BE DISAPPOINTED!

  32. Bruce A Munro Says:

    “as Doctor Spock from Space Wars would say.”

    @THX 1139: now I want to see that show. Doctor Spock is of course a good old fashioned southern Martian doctor, with a dry, ironic sense of humor, but I have some trouble picturing the setting.

  33. THX 1139 Says:

    @Bruce: He’d probably be dishing out advice on raising Martian babies, too. Possibly unbidden.

  34. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tag: huzzah for Jane, then!

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