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Jul 10

D-99

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Consume mass quantities! Of bad covers.Click for larger image

Jonathan Comments: Alien selfie.

Published 1962

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.24 out of 10)
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16 Responses to “D-99”

  1. THX 1139 Says:
    July 10th, 2019 at 10:30 am

    Ah, I miss Dan Aykroyd. Oh, wait, he’s still alive, isn’t he?

  2. Verylatetotheparty Says:
    July 10th, 2019 at 11:43 am

    In spite of the innovative advertising campaign involving a tie-in SF novel, the model D-99 “Big Green Man” (pictured foreground) proved to be the worst selling sex toy in the history of the company and was quickly discontinued.

  3. fred Says:
    July 10th, 2019 at 12:05 pm

    Back cover. Wonder what an ‘excessively feminine’ BAEN cover would look like.

    https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NRohXgGu0qA/VUvQy67x0WI/AAAAAAACgAE/pfezf8eBue4/s1600/128%2BH%2BB%2BFyfe%2BD-99%2BPyramid%2B1962a.JPG

  4. Tor Mented Says:
    July 10th, 2019 at 4:52 pm

    They’ve been photobombed by a pickle!

  5. JuanPaul Says:
    July 10th, 2019 at 5:10 pm

    I do not like green egghead man
    I do not like him, not a fan
    I do like him on the cover
    I do like like him with your mother
    I do not like him in my face
    I do not like him out in space

    -with a apologies to Dr. Suess

  6. Tat Wood Says:
    July 10th, 2019 at 5:40 pm

    Don Rickles/ Dill Pickles

    You gotta have a system.

  7. B. Chiclitz Says:
    July 10th, 2019 at 7:47 pm

    Tired of playing the inept second fiddle to Sheriff Andy of Mayberry, Deputy H. “Barney” Fyfe decides to try his hand at fiction, only to discover he’s no less inept as a writer than as a lawman.

    @JuanPaul—GSS! 😉

  8. Tracy Says:
    July 10th, 2019 at 8:08 pm

    I would so read this by the blurb! That kind of genius is long gone now in the publishing world.

    Plus I love the expression on the conehead orc’s face. He’s definitely in on all the fun!

    ETA: Anyone else see Alfred E. Neumann in him?

  9. Bruce A Munro Says:
    July 11th, 2019 at 1:32 am

    Trapped on the planet of the gherkin-men, our heroes were in a real pickle!

    The cover looks less like they’ve been taken prisoner and more like they’re injured and being carried away on stretchers [1], with the spear chaps possibly making siren noises to clear the way.

    Is the gherkin man in front wearing orange rather than yellow? Does that indicate he’s a superior sort of gherkin? Or just that he’s the leader of this little parade?

    [1] Or maybe the planet has very high gravity and they have to be carried rather than walk?

  10. GSS ex-noob Says:
    July 11th, 2019 at 2:43 am

    @VLTTP: snerk and ewww. Today it would be the hit of Rule 34 types.

    @fred: That’s a trick question, right? There aren’t any and won’t ever be any “excessively feminine” BAEN! bimbosandguns covers.
    (Thanks for setting me up to use my special typography again — it’s been a while)

    @Bruce: All valid questions. The back cover blurb says they did crash land, but they’re being treated kindly for a supposed “planet that didn’t like strangers”.

    GSS to:

    Tor
    JuanPaul
    Tat
    BC

  11. Verylatetotheparty Says:
    July 13th, 2019 at 8:53 pm

    @GSSxn: I get a comment in early and awkwardly, the more wholesome commenters later don’t see anything worse than a pickled gherkin. Maybe I should have kept quiet. As Freud said, ‘Sometimes a big long bullet-shaped alien head is just a big long bullet-shaped alien head.’ Of course, according to rule 34 even pickled gherkins… for some people…

    Is it more, or less, feminine when the bimbos are firing the guns? – Or feminist for that matter.

    JuanPaul: Geneuss! – but maybe not at proofreading.

  12. GSS ex-noob Says:
    July 14th, 2019 at 4:05 am

    @VLTTP: Possibly they thought you’d said all that needed to be said in that department. Couldn’t be improved on.

    As to the bimbos with guns, it isn’t ever feminist since they’re doing so for the jollies of the mouthbreathing readers, and usually with their devil’s dumplings hanging out of too-tight clothes. I dunno about other ladies, but if I was going to be firing automatic weapons, I’d want ’em covered and strapped in, and me in something I could move in easily. You don’t see actual female troops undressed like that.

  13. Hammy Says:
    July 28th, 2019 at 3:48 pm

    D*mn, photo-bombing happens even on alien planets…

  14. Hammy Says:
    August 3rd, 2019 at 4:48 am

    Okay, okay, I see that someone else got the “photobomb” comment in way before I did. How about this one instead:

    “D-99? Bin-… Hey, wait a minute! There’s no D-99 on a bingo card!”

  15. Monty Says:
    August 12th, 2019 at 5:27 pm

    This seems required.

    https://i.imgur.com/gsjHOJ4.gifv

  16. A.R.Yngve Says:
    September 5th, 2019 at 8:51 pm

    I want to enlarge that cover art and hang it on my wall. It’s so daring – goofiness elevated to art.

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