Oct 14

Yeah. This sucks.Click for larger image

Alessandra Kelley Comments: I recall Saberhagen’s book, which I read in the 1980s, to be a not-at-all-bad retelling of Bram Stoker’s “Dracula” from the pov of Dracula himself. While the book has a certain dry wit and self-aware sense of humor, it is not, as this 1975 first edition cover might suggest, a wacky goofball comedy precursor to “What We Do In The Shadows.”

Special bonus interior cigarette ad because 1975.

Published 1975

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.29 out of 10)

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20 Responses to “The Dracula Tape”

  1. THX 1139 Says:

    Did they… have tapes in 1891?

  2. THX 1139 Says:

    Are you sure it wasn’t Anne Rice who sent this cover in?

  3. Bibliomancer Says:

    “I am The Count and today’s number is 7. Seven awful stars … just awful!”

  4. Tor Mented Says:

    I recognize the guy in the photo. He was the chiropractor of Ed Wood’s wife.

  5. fred Says:

    Dracula’s business manager is an idiot having him endorsing tape instead of blackout curtains.

  6. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Dracula’s fervent retort “I am not a crook!” did not help his case much once the tapes had been leaked to the newspapers.

  7. Ray P Says:

    Steve Carell to star in remake of Dracula: Dead and Loving It.

  8. Anna T. Says:

    Okay, now I really want a goofball comedy precursor to What We Do in the Shadows just because of this cover.

  9. JuanPaul Says:

    When did vampire teeth become readily available to the masses? Clearly after 1975.

  10. THX 1139 Says:

    Based on the historical Vlad Tapes?

  11. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    For those confused by the premise, the idea is that Dracula is sitting with a tape recorder in the modern day (a year or two before “Interview With the Vampire” was published) explaining what “really” happened back during the events of Bram Stoker’s book.

    It’s a marvelously self-serving narrative, plausible but noticeably slanted, giving a completely different view of the original story. Jonathan Harker comes across as pale and passive, Van Helsing as a real monster himself (“the old sadist,” Dracula calls him). I think this may be the earliest book I’ve run across that suggests actual affection between Dracula and Mina Harker.

    Also, A.R.Yngve, THX 1139 and the rest of ye: Augggh, I admire your wit.

  12. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I looked at the cover, read the blurb and thought, “This can’t be…” but alas it was. Poor Saberhagen. Alessandra’s right, this is a pretty good book that has a horrible cover.

    They couldn’t have made it look more like a bad movie novelization if they’d tried. It’s basically the poster for the low-budget rip-off of “Dracula: Dead and Loving It”.

    And GSS for the usual fine comments.

    The cigarette ad mention (I always hated that) reminds me of our late correspondent Harlan Ellison’s sending of a dead gopher to a publisher who put one of those in one of his books. The much-embellished tale is told by the man himself on YouTube. I don’t know what small percentage of it is true, but he held the entire room captive with telling it. That’s not a laugh track — we were all roaring the whole time. Despite his… problematic elements, the man was a great storyteller.

  13. Hammy Says:

    Dracula Tape?

    Does it have more bite than, say, Gorilla Tape?

    For those not familiar:

  14. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Since I fixated immediately on that awful hairpiece he’s wearing, I at first thought the title was The Dracula Toupe.

  15. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Magnetic tape: one of the lesser known weaknesses of the common or garden vampire.

  16. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    So we only get to hear one tape about one year of Dracula’s life? Is there a set by century available?

  17. Hammy Says:

    Oh, and “fang-in-cheek” sounds like it’d be mighty painful…

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Mr. Dracula, Dead and Taping It, seems to be using reel-to-reel. Guess being immortal, he can afford the primo stuff; everyone I knew in the 70s had cassette.

    @A-S: The Dracula Tape of the Month Club! Your first tape is only 1c as long as you commit to buying 4 tapes in the next 2 years. But make sure you send those cards back to Columbia House or you’ll get years you don’t want. “1694: Slept in coffin entire year”.

  19. JJYoyo Says:

    The font is so close to his head that I first read it as “The Dracula Jape”. Which would explain the expression on his face at least.

  20. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @JJYoho: nyuk nyuk

    And that T isn’t even as bad as the first one! It’s like someone took all the serifs off one font and pasted them onto this one.

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