Mar 12

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Sharona Virus Comments: Well, that hero turned out to be an empty suit.

Published 2009

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.11 out of 10)

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20 Responses to “The Trouble With Heroes”

  1. Longtime_Lurker Says:

    First problem is that the hero seems to have had 2 heads, since there seems to be 2 helmets (we are talking about this, amirite?).

  2. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Wait, is this the right cover? :-S
    Because it looks like it was meant for one of “those” movies… if you know what I mean and I think you do.

  3. fred Says:

    Proof positive the new GoT production is leaving Northern Ireland for Scotland.

  4. JuanPaul Says:

    Porn just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Metal armor and that particular fetish don’t go well together.

  5. Tag Wizard Says:

    Ooops. Cover now fixed. That’s what happens when society breaks down.

  6. Bibliomancer Says:

    What are the chances this cover illustrates a story in the book?

  7. THX 1139 Says:

    Armour geddin’ outta here!

  8. Tat Wood Says:

    You’d think a photo cover would be able to do feet.

  9. Raoul Says:

    We need a “saucy wench” tag.

  10. B. Chiclitz Says:

    That suit of armor looks like it’s trying to stifle a chortle. I guess you’d chortle too if you found yourself in that position.

  11. THX 1139 Says:

    All over the internet you hear that Outlander’s great.. I’m just not seeing it.

  12. THX 1139 Says:

    @Raoul: Or just an actual saucy wench.

  13. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    ‘Did they say they wanted this photoshoot to be all about “amour”, or “armour”?’
    ‘I’m not sure, just include some of both, it’ll be ok.’

  14. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Perhaps it turns out She Was the Hero All Along and she’s just shucked off the armor?

    @AR Yngve, @JuanPaul: yeah, that’s definitely a fetish outfit, no matter how long the artist keeps insisting it’s perfect normal women’s wear in Gropetopia.

  15. GSS ex-noob Says:

    This cover is not only WTF, but doesn’t seem to reflect the stories’ quality (which look adequate-to-excellent), nor anything to do with their content.

    She seems to be the Head Bimbo of Castle Bimbo, who finally had enough and managed to kill 2-4 of the Knights of Ye Order of Harvey… somehow. It’s not like she’s able to hide any weapons in what she’s wearing. A Highland dancer’s waistcoat from a girl years younger, authentic medieval fishnets, and… hair scrunchies on her arms?

    Nope, this is definitely one of THOSE movies.

    Also, pretty damn cheap of DAW to just throw some Halloween costume bits on the college intern, then photoshop in random armor and stock background. They could have at least put thicker fonts on.

    As most of the stories look to be “speaking truth to power about the women stuck caring for heroes”, her outfit I guess is… part of the awful truth? They’re all sexist gropey bastards?

    Must have been a wee bit embarrassing for the authors. “Look, my new book! Oh dear.” The one author page I could find merely said “here it is”.

    @Tat: The problem seems to be spreading. At a guess, she’s wearing what are semi-delicately referred to as “f*** me pumps”. Or “pump”, as an overzealous airbrush seems to have removed some of her left leg.

    @Bruce: I thought of your perhaps as well, but no such luck. Anyway, a story with that description would be in “Chicks and Chainmail”, or else Samus.

  16. Francis Boyle Says:

    I think Bruce has nailed it. The behind the scene truth about heroes is that there all attractive young women in fishnets – white, because obviously, the behind the scenes truth about villains is that they’re all attractive young women in black fishnets. I better stop now. I’m starting to like this idea a bit too much.

  17. Tracy Says:

    The trouble with heroes is that they tend to get eaten by attractive succubi? That’s what the cover says to me.

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tracy: that would explain her Smirky McSmug-ness.

    I think it’s her facial expression that doesn’t work here. We can overlook the outfit that wouldn’t pass muster at Medieval Times restaurant (which serves Ye Olde Authentic Pepsi), but the title is Trouble. She doesn’t look troubled, harried, overworked, beleaguered, etc.

    A lusty wench such as herself still could have been on the cover, but should have a less-happy look.

    Bad show, cover designer. Also, lern2airbrush.

  19. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    @GSSxn: I think her expression doesn’t really fit the cover because she was probably photoshopped from the 2008 (or previous) Ann Summers catalogue. (‘Miss McSexy short tartan dress, stockings sold separately’)

  20. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Vlltp: Nah, she looks more American. She’d be from Victoria’s Secret. Or more likely, a cheap knock-off thereof. Or — most likely of all — Frederick’s of Hollywood (Armor sold separately).

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