Oct 30

Run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the Last Dominion Knight Man!

Emster Comments: He was the last Dominion Knight… and they would retire that rediculous suit of armor one way or another.

Published 1987

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.83 out of 10)

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14 Responses to “Solar Kill”

  1. Leak Says:

    Is that “Optimus Prime: Origins”?

  2. Tat Wood Says:

    ‘To inanity – and beyond’

    Before LLMs and chatbots, we had to artificially generate novels by writing buzzwords on a bit of paper and pulling them from a hat. This blurb bears all the hallmarks. Even the author byline looks like random selection gone wrong.

  3. fred Says:

    The achille’s heel of all star empires is marksmanship. It is known.

  4. Tor Mented Says:

    I’m fine with this as long as Shia LaBeouf isn’t in it.

  5. B. Chiclitz Says:

    I think he’s wearing Space Depends™—what are you gonna do? He’s up in years and all, being the last Dominion Knight, whatever that means.

  6. NomadUK Says:

    The last Battlestar, Galactica, takes on its most dangerous mission yet: strafing a somewhat overweight Cylon.

  7. Bruce A Munro Says:

    When Autobots cosplay gets _entirely_ out of hand.

  8. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Another from the “everything in the future is entirely blocky planes” school. Even the font.

    The suit looks like one of those knock-off toys you get at the Dollar Store to disappoint children.

    Does “Solar Kill” refer to what happens when his suit’s out in strong daylight? And doesn’t it get grit in the works in Sand Wars? Luckily for him, that flying juggernaut apparently has no aiming mechanisms on its lasers, as @fred noted.

    @Tat: Agreed on the proto-LLM style blurb. Though by 1987 there were simple programs that could mash up things like this, so some computer help can’t be ruled out. Or just a book of MadLibs.

    @Tor: I’m fine with this as long as it’s all for real and LeBoeuf IS in the suit.

    Last week I happened to watch the cartoon film “Teen Titans Go to the Movies” and there’s a scene where the young superheroes deliver a merciless beatdown to SLB for no apparent reason other than for the amusement of the grown-ups who’d been dragged along.

    There were several sequences just for that — it’s an amusing diversion if you see it free. I can’t imagine your average young’un in 2018 getting the joke where Lois Lane asks Supes to save her from “Gene Hackman’s real estate scheme”, or being amused that Supes is voiced by Nick Cage. As in all good WB toons, the 4th wall does not exist.

    It’s probably a better use of your time than reading this.

  9. Max Bathroom Says:

    After googling Charles Ingrid and finding that it’s one of many pen names used by a lady who doesn’t want to be associated with any of the drivel she churns out under pseudonyms, I’m wondering if she has a few other covers on here under other pen names, and perhaps has a whole five or ten percent of the magnificently wrong SF and fantasy covers on this site under some of her other pen names.

  10. Tor Mented Says:

    @GSSxn: I caught “Teen Titans Go To the Movies” because it was free on Max, and I think it’s funnier than about 95% of the comedies made these days.
    Stan Lee voiced his cameo in it. It was his last one.
    So Stan Lee’s last cameo was in … a DC movie!

  11. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tor: That’s how I saw it, I recorded it on the last Max free weekend. Stan’s cameo(s) was extremely OTT even for him.

    I was genuinely amused by it, even LOL a few times. The jokes come fast and furious (for all ages), they make a lot of fun of the live-action Snyderverse DC movies, and I was glad I didn’t have a beverage when the last line was yelled.

    Recommended to all here.

    @Max: What are her other names? I bet you’re right about her having a calcuable percentage of covers here.

  12. Longtime_Lurker Says:

    According to the all-knowing:

    She writes under the names Sara Hanover, Emily Drake, Anne Knight, Elizabeth Forrest, Charles Ingrid, Rhondi Greening, Rhondi Vilott Salsitz, Jenna Rhodes, R.A.V. Salsitz, and Rhondi Vilott.

    II’ve never heard of any of them.

  13. A. R. Yngve Says:

    Unleash the Blurbinator(tm)!

    “He was the the last [1] and he would challenge [2] to gain his [3]!”

    a) Dominion Knight
    b) MAGA Republican
    c) 400-pound ballerina
    d) Dragon

    a) a star empire
    b) democracy
    c) the Bolshoi Ballet
    d) Sho’Nuff

    a) revenge
    b) Orange Man Führer
    c) hour in the spotlight
    d) title as Master

  14. Emster Says:

    @ARY – Hmmmm… perhaps all users of the Blurbinator should be licensed professionals (GSS gang exempt for obvious reason). If it falls into the wrong hands, the world could descend into (hilarious) chaos.

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