Apr 22
Max Bathroom Comments: “You’d be sitting funny as well if you’d gone for a ride wearing a metal codpiece…”
Published 1980
(Average: 4.80 out of 10)
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Max Bathroom Comments: “You’d be sitting funny as well if you’d gone for a ride wearing a metal codpiece…”
Published 1980
(Average: 4.80 out of 10)Loading...
(9.25 out of 10) (9.18 out of 10) (9.02 out of 10) (8.97 out of 10) (8.93 out of 10) (8.93 out of 10) (8.93 out of 10) (8.92 out of 10) (8.89 out of 10) (8.88 out of 10)
Lastest Tweet
April 22nd, 2024 at 1:00 pm
If Tiana has so many adventures she has to rank them by class I wonder what she considers an ‘adventure’. Making a pot of chili, washing her hair, feeding her horse, shopping for boob armor. Everything is an ‘adventure’ for Tiana. This being Offut, maybe she has a sideline in fetish porn as well.
April 22nd, 2024 at 3:17 pm
Her, but NOT the horse she rode in on.
April 22nd, 2024 at 3:29 pm
@Tor: are you sure it IS a horse? It looks like a horse’s head and neck grafted onto a Queen Anne table. Or, being Boris V, a camel with a gym membership and a cosplay horse head
April 22nd, 2024 at 3:40 pm
Tor@2: Hey, don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.
– Gotta be some serious chafing going on there — or demonic calluses.
April 22nd, 2024 at 6:24 pm
Tat, the musculature of that horse is certainly more Thomas Chippendale than the Chippendales but, hey, don’t knock it. This is Boris and a wizard obviously did it. You can’t expect an artist of his talents to waste his muscle-painting skills on a mere horse.
April 22nd, 2024 at 8:21 pm
The rare GSS shield maiden.
April 22nd, 2024 at 8:51 pm
She quests to rid herself of the demon in the mirror, which constantly mocks her fashion choices.
April 22nd, 2024 at 10:35 pm
“Hey! My Eyes of Sarsis are up here.”
April 23rd, 2024 at 4:26 am
@Verylatetotheparty: not sure she’d want anyone to look at the Eyes of Sarsis. It’s even more embarrassing than this cover: https://mporcius.blogspot.com/2018/01/the-eyes-of-sarsis-by-andrew-offutt-and.html
April 23rd, 2024 at 4:31 am
Definitely not Disney’s Tiana.
Is that at the bottom tree roots, or a pile of horse crap?
@Max: Chafing on the naughty bits and under the teat shields. Does she have any weapioins, or does she simply drop the shields to distract the alliterative warriors and devils? Which is only going to work of half of them…
@fred: My thought when I saw the author as well. She’s already got the fetish porn outfit on.
I was going to say “at least Boris is a bit above average at anatomy” but then I saw the horse. As @FB says, he didn’t specialize in horses. The four-leaf clover dent on the lower shoulder is particularly terrible.
April 23rd, 2024 at 12:30 pm
@Bruce
I have the other two books in the serise, so I should probably send those covers as well…
April 23rd, 2024 at 7:08 pm
The horse definitely skipped leg day.
April 23rd, 2024 at 8:28 pm
Horse was not enjoying this particular adventure. Money wasted on ridiculous outfit with nothing left for yummy oat treats. Spectacular heroine was about to be treated to a detour off the main path into yonder hawthorn brush – next time she’ll dress more appropriately. And bring apples.
April 23rd, 2024 at 10:29 pm
It took me a long time to realize she is holding a sword in her right hand and not a rein. Bladed weapon…what bladed weapon.
April 23rd, 2024 at 10:32 pm
@GSSxn: Possibly the shields drop down on little hinges…
I suppose there’s Evil Elves, Grinning Goblins and ‘Orrible Orcs around too.
April 23rd, 2024 at 10:35 pm
A lot was lost in translation twixt the hardcover and paperback covers. Jirel of Joiry? Really?
https://www.amazon.com/Demon-Mirror-Andrew-J-Offut-ebook/dp/B06WRNZYT5
April 24th, 2024 at 12:25 am
@Emster: The more I look at this, the more I agree. Horsie is just DONE with it all.
@fred: I had to embiggen it to spot the sword hilt as well. I see no scabbard, though.
Jirel would NEVER have ridden a horse and done sword-fighting with no bum-covering. But bare butt on leather… well, it’s Offut.
April 24th, 2024 at 6:35 pm
@VLTTP—GSS! I think you’ve hit it:
warring wizards
dangerous devils
evil elves
grinning goblins
‘horrible orcs
ho-hum horses
titanium teat shields
scabbardless swords
twisted trees
booted bikinis
haughty headshot
It’s the Demon of Bad Alliteration!
April 24th, 2024 at 7:12 pm
@B Chiclitz
IIRC, the book features phallic pirates and naughty nuns as well.
(To be fair, Tianna and her bronze bikini have to retrieve a plot device from a convent full of vampire nuns. I have an idea that like a lot of kinksters, Offutt might have gone to a catholic school as a child…)
April 25th, 2024 at 3:24 am
@BC, @Max: So we can’t blame the blurb on the publisher.
Wiki says he was born in rural Kentucky, so I’m guessing no Catholic school — but that just makes nuns even more forbidden. Maybe Lyon went to such a school?
I had an ex-nun teacher in high school. She had a photo of her in full penguin suit in Chicago (I thought of her when I saw “Blues Brothers” a few years later). By the time she was at my school, she was a Nichiren Buddhist who was fond of pot, sex, and flipped us off when we deserved it, because upper-middle-class white suburban kids between 15-17 deserve it regularly.
April 26th, 2024 at 8:48 pm
@BC: …and it’s obviously a world where a Haughty Heroine can find a Bikini Blacksmith.
April 27th, 2024 at 1:06 pm
@BC & @Vlttp
She’s apparently found a Hyperthyroid Horse as well…