Apr 22

Not the demon I see in my mirror

Max Bathroom Comments: “You’d be sitting funny as well if you’d gone for a ride wearing a metal codpiece…”

Published 1980

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.38 out of 10)

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24 Responses to “The Demon in the Mirror”

  1. fred Says:

    If Tiana has so many adventures she has to rank them by class I wonder what she considers an ‘adventure’. Making a pot of chili, washing her hair, feeding her horse, shopping for boob armor. Everything is an ‘adventure’ for Tiana. This being Offut, maybe she has a sideline in fetish porn as well.

  2. Tor Mented Says:

    Her, but NOT the horse she rode in on.

  3. Tat Wood Says:

    @Tor: are you sure it IS a horse? It looks like a horse’s head and neck grafted onto a Queen Anne table. Or, being Boris V, a camel with a gym membership and a cosplay horse head

  4. NomadUK Says:

    Tor@2: Hey, don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.

    – Gotta be some serious chafing going on there — or demonic calluses.

  5. Francis Boyle Says:

    Tat, the musculature of that horse is certainly more Thomas Chippendale than the Chippendales but, hey, don’t knock it. This is Boris and a wizard obviously did it. You can’t expect an artist of his talents to waste his muscle-painting skills on a mere horse.

  6. fred Says:

    The rare GSS shield maiden.

  7. Bruce A Munro Says:

    She quests to rid herself of the demon in the mirror, which constantly mocks her fashion choices.

  8. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    “Hey! My Eyes of Sarsis are up here.”

  9. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Verylatetotheparty: not sure she’d want anyone to look at the Eyes of Sarsis. It’s even more embarrassing than this cover:

  10. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Definitely not Disney’s Tiana.

    Is that at the bottom tree roots, or a pile of horse crap?

    @Max: Chafing on the naughty bits and under the teat shields. Does she have any weapioins, or does she simply drop the shields to distract the alliterative warriors and devils? Which is only going to work of half of them…

    @fred: My thought when I saw the author as well. She’s already got the fetish porn outfit on.

    I was going to say “at least Boris is a bit above average at anatomy” but then I saw the horse. As @FB says, he didn’t specialize in horses. The four-leaf clover dent on the lower shoulder is particularly terrible.

  11. MaxBathroom Says:

    I have the other two books in the serise, so I should probably send those covers as well…

  12. Ryan Says:

    The horse definitely skipped leg day.

  13. Emster Says:

    Horse was not enjoying this particular adventure. Money wasted on ridiculous outfit with nothing left for yummy oat treats. Spectacular heroine was about to be treated to a detour off the main path into yonder hawthorn brush – next time she’ll dress more appropriately. And bring apples.

  14. fred Says:

    It took me a long time to realize she is holding a sword in her right hand and not a rein. Bladed weapon…what bladed weapon.

  15. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    @GSSxn: Possibly the shields drop down on little hinges…

    I suppose there’s Evil Elves, Grinning Goblins and ‘Orrible Orcs around too.

  16. fred Says:

    A lot was lost in translation twixt the hardcover and paperback covers. Jirel of Joiry? Really?

  17. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Emster: The more I look at this, the more I agree. Horsie is just DONE with it all.

    @fred: I had to embiggen it to spot the sword hilt as well. I see no scabbard, though.

    Jirel would NEVER have ridden a horse and done sword-fighting with no bum-covering. But bare butt on leather… well, it’s Offut.

  18. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @VLTTP—GSS! I think you’ve hit it:
    warring wizards
    dangerous devils
    evil elves
    grinning goblins
    ‘horrible orcs
    ho-hum horses
    titanium teat shields
    scabbardless swords
    twisted trees
    booted bikinis
    haughty headshot

    It’s the Demon of Bad Alliteration!

  19. MaxBathroom Says:

    @B Chiclitz
    IIRC, the book features phallic pirates and naughty nuns as well.
    (To be fair, Tianna and her bronze bikini have to retrieve a plot device from a convent full of vampire nuns. I have an idea that like a lot of kinksters, Offutt might have gone to a catholic school as a child…)

  20. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @BC, @Max: So we can’t blame the blurb on the publisher.

    Wiki says he was born in rural Kentucky, so I’m guessing no Catholic school — but that just makes nuns even more forbidden. Maybe Lyon went to such a school?

    I had an ex-nun teacher in high school. She had a photo of her in full penguin suit in Chicago (I thought of her when I saw “Blues Brothers” a few years later). By the time she was at my school, she was a Nichiren Buddhist who was fond of pot, sex, and flipped us off when we deserved it, because upper-middle-class white suburban kids between 15-17 deserve it regularly.

  21. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    @BC: …and it’s obviously a world where a Haughty Heroine can find a Bikini Blacksmith.

  22. MaxBathroom Says:

    @BC & @Vlttp
    She’s apparently found a Hyperthyroid Horse as well…

  23. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    @Bruce #9: You know, it’s funny you should say that…

  24. MaxBathroom Says:

    Well spotted: Bruce did remind me that the other two covers are just as bad as this one, and hopefully TagWizard will post the Web of Whatevs as well before too long…

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