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Mar 23

The Chessboard Queen

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Ah ha, my dear. Your skills are lacking, but your light bloom confuses my blonde mind.Click for full image

Chess? I’m sure that’s interesting and all but that gives me nothing to work with. No wait.. it does. Pink! Pink everything up, go for the windowed look, and make sure there are lots of things blurred slightly by the light. Maybe they’ll miss out on the chess part completely!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.40 out of 10)
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14 Responses to “The Chessboard Queen”

  1. James Lovegrove Says:
    March 23rd, 2010 at 11:06 am

    It’s fantasy for Barbie fans.

  2. SI Says:
    March 23rd, 2010 at 11:23 am

    Didn’t Ken have black hair though?

    *Coughs* Not that I would know…. I never played with Barbies… and that She-Ra doll I have is an action figure I tell ya! An action figure!!

  3. Adam Roberts Says:
    March 23rd, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    I think he is saying ‘yeah-yeah, chinny reckon.’

  4. Adam Roberts Says:
    March 23rd, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    Also: the ‘SHARAN’ in ‘SHARAN NEWMAN’ looks like an optical illusion

    I mean, I think it says ‘SHARAN’. Maybe it’s SHWIM’. Or SHΛPWN.

  5. Simon Says:
    March 23rd, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Wish I’d been in the meeting that let that author type through.

    ‘The author’s name is Sharan Newman (yes Sharan not even Sharon) so lots of letters with perpendicular and angled uprights’

    ‘Cool! There’s this type that I’ve been dying to use that turns As and Ms and Ns into a forest of illegible strokes, kind of like a broken set of railings. The effect is even more remarkable if you only use capitals, really compress the type and have no spaces between the letters. It’ll look fantastic!’

    ‘It will?’

    ‘Oh yeah! And anyway who is she? No one would recognise her name even in they could read it.’

    ‘Uhhhh . . . OK’

  6. James Lovegrove Says:
    March 23rd, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    It’s to hide her shame at being named after a Volkswagen people carrier.

  7. Adam Roberts Says:
    March 23rd, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    Ah yes, the Volkwagen Newman. Best car in its class for, er, Cool Luke Handling.

  8. CSA Says:
    March 23rd, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    Queen: Apple, to king-four
    Knight: Dumb blonde. Fruit and vegetables are in checkers. This is chess… the game of kings! …and queens… and me…. i also saw the cook playing it
    Queen: Oh… okay… Apple, to horsie-six
    Knight: *sigh* Apples can’t move like that milady.

  9. Ron Obvious Says:
    March 23rd, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    Wait a tick, people actually buy this tripe?

  10. SI Says:
    March 23rd, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    “Greatest thanks, my queen. Though, might I possibly ask for an apple thou hast not taken a large bite out of.”

  11. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:
    June 8th, 2014 at 2:10 am

    For the match, he’s set aside his shield and lance…she’s taken off her skirt?!?

  12. Rev Says:
    June 9th, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    How is he able to sit in that chair in full armour?

  13. A.R.Yngve Says:
    November 24th, 2015 at 3:49 pm

    Don’t miss the other thrilling titles in this series:

    TIC-TAC-TOE PRINCESS
    DUKE OF ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS
    MONOPOLY POPE

  14. anon Says:
    November 30th, 2015 at 12:55 pm

    NOUGHTS AND CROSSES CROSS
    CHECKERS MAN
    CARCASSONNE MEEPLE
    SOLITAIRE JACK

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