Apr 01

It's like a party in my eyes and they are bleeding... bleeding.

Art Direction: Hold on a second, I’m just finishing my morning bourbon. Alright lets see, could we get naked women with impressive cleavage? What about a man with a laser sword fighting off some cat people? No? Man you are picky. How about a t-rex travelling through time eating historical figures? In fact that’s brilliant… get Roberts to re-write this thing!

Hideous... simply hideous!Art Director: Sweet lord. What is this… what have you given me?
Artist: Uh, a flying city and some storm clouds.
Art Director: Now come on, I have it on record Amory requested a naked man wrestling a man tiger, both wearing bondage gear.
Artist: Was… that in the book? Who the hell is Amory?
Art Director: Stop asking technical questions and draw or you don’t get your curly wurly!!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 1.86 out of 10)

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22 Responses to “Dishonourable Mentions”

  1. SI Says:

    Strangely, I was reading one of those on the underground last month when someone came up and threw hot coffee all over my face. Then they punched me in the groin. As I crawled to the exit screaming for help the rest of the passengers starting kicking me in the kidneys. Some police officers came over to help as they used pepper spray on my already bleeding wounds.

    I warn, never ever, read these on public transport. Their covers are simply too much.

  2. Albertosaurus Rex Says:

    My eyes! They burn, they BURN!

  3. James Lovegrove Says:

    You jest, but it has been known for authors to have to rewrite content in order to match the covers their editors have chosen. I’m looking at you here, Mr Spanton, and the extreme haircut you made me give Provender Gleed.

  4. CSA Says:

    @James, Edward Willet said something very similar about one of his covers. It might well be quite a common practise. I really like the Provender Gleed cover, so SS may have been right 😉

  5. Adam Roberts Says:

    Did anybody make ‘Jay Amory’ rewrite his trilogy to include a minature city located on a bar stool?

  6. CSA Says:

    Well originally it was a bar stool with some dudes fat, hairy ass hanging over the edges but Jay was able to pull some strings to get a city since it was aimed at younger readers… or so i read somewhere… and by somewhere i mean, right there, when i typed it.

  7. James Lovegrove Says:

    No, but now you mention it, that has to be the most uncomfortable bar stool in the world.

  8. SI Says:

    If you look at the Swiftly cover and let your eyes un-focus a little. It kinda looks like an infected belly button.

  9. CSA Says:

    Hmm, i think i’m onto some sort of conspiracy here. Okay, we have the bar stool and the infected belly button. Now, if you take the words “amory roberts”, mix up the letters you get “sober rot army”…. I think it should be clear to all, Roberts and Amory are building an army of zombies… clearly kept sober by uncomfortable bar stools…

    … i need my medication again…

  10. SI Says:

    CSA> Maybe the doctor needs to increase the dose.

    And ‘amory roberts’ can also be, ‘My bar rooster.’ I’m proud of that. If only it hadn’t taken me 3 hours of constant thinking to come up with it.

  11. Zazu Yen Says:

    I always like it when they put “A Novel” right there up top so I know what I’m dealing with before things go too far.

    Also, why is the bar full of cumulus?

  12. Ron Obvious Says:

    These covers aren’t half bad. Hopefully the prose inside is above average.

  13. Nix Says:

    You would say that, Ron. I bet ‘Adam Roberts’ is just one of your pseudonyms.

  14. Tracey Says:

    Um. I like both of these covers. While I completely understand the barstool comment, I’d give the Amory a read just because of the cover. But then I tend to enjoy winged humanoid sf.

  15. CSA Says:

    Tracey, thats why they are dishonourable, because they’re both pretty good covers.
    The authors names are:
    Jay Amory/James Lovegrove
    Adam Roberts

    Its also tagged “April 1st”, and look at who two of the commentors above are…
    I’m betting “Jay” is please with your comment, but you’ve hurt Adam’s feelings 🙁

  16. dude from another planet Says:

    As an april fools joke, it doesn’t seems very funny…:\

    The covers seem nice and refined. Elegant (especialy the first one).

  17. CSA Says:

    The authors of both books have been regularly posting on the site for many months.

    I’m sure they’re are glad you like the covers, you should buy them!

  18. dude from another planet Says:

    Maybe I would. 🙂
    Haven’t checked them thouroghly yet (cause you know, cover is just an eye candy to draw atention, the actual book is what matters)…

    Ahhh, ok, i apologise for my words, I didn’t realise it was an inside joke and that those were the real authors. 😛

  19. CSA Says:

    no problems. theres only been about 10 or so regular posters for a while. great to see so many new faces!

    keep posting (btw in reference to your other post, the higher the rating worse the cover, or more awesome depending on how you look at it, so low rating means people would actually take them on public transport etc)

  20. dude from another planet Says:

    “great to see so many new faces!”
    LOL, You know that you were referred by Boing Boing, right?…:)

    And yeah I know, but the previous covewr recived a score of 8! Or “I swear its my flatmates” in verbal formulation…:P
    Sure its not the greatest cover in the world but it deserves no more than ‘2’ from its worst critics. (Thats why I thought that the infant nudity actually played a role…)

  21. SI Says:

    Dude> Oh yes… we know about Boing Boing! And our server just about survived it 😉

  22. Stevie T Says:

    All things considered, if the covers are trying to entice me to buy them, while The Wingless Boy would definitely catch my attention, I would pass right on by Swiftly because this cover makes it look like a Civil War novel.

    (Not that there’s anything wrong with Civil War novels, they just don’t interest me.)

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