Aug 18

Jesus don't need no oxygen...Click for full image

Mary Comments: Accompanied by the long lost monkey cousin of Scuba Horse?
Published 1982

You might remember this from here.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.69 out of 10)

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30 Responses to “Jesus on Mars”

  1. towrope Says:

    This is sublime– Where can I buy a framed print, I want this on my wall. Jesus on Mars featuring a Space Monkey! It takes the breath away.

  2. Mary Says:

    My office couldn’t decide whether he’d discarded his helmet because it wasn’t conducive to having a halo or because he had risen from the dead… in which case it should probably have been Zombie Jesus on Mars??

  3. THX 1138 Says:

    Doesn’t look like Mars, more like Jesus in Switzerland.

  4. Smith Says:

    Although that’s got to be the worlds least effective crucifixion. The cross is so short he’s just stood on the ground.

    Anyway, where’d they find the wood on Mars?

    Are there space pharisees to go with scuba monkey?

    I’m space spartacus!

  5. SI Says:

    You see… even Jesus shaves his chest when on a sci fi cover!

  6. Phil Says:

    Everyone who goes to Mars must have to take a spacesuited monkey with them. Remember when former Batman Adam West was ROBINSON CRUSOE ON MARS?

  7. Tom Noir Says:

    Jesus is all like, “‘Sup, Mars???”

  8. Jami Says:

    @Mary – Jesus isn’t really a zombie. See, that whole rising from the dead eating living people thing is a Hollywood creation – which is a mix of course of vampire mythology and ghouls, the latter being 100% supernatural beings that hang out in graveyards eating the flesh of dead people (and only dead people despite what some tv shows would have you believe). Real zombies are living, breathing people who are controlled by a spell/potion. Best example of this is the movie White Zombie staring Bela Lugosi. With the whole rising from the dead thing, not to mention the stuff at the Last Supper with the “this is my blood”, Jesus’ rising from the dead more closely resembles the mythology of vampires.

    So basically, the people of Mars and Captain Simian there need to check their old buddy Christ there for fangs.

  9. Scott Schulz Says:

    Well, really, the story takes place UNDER Mars, and contains no monkeys whatsoever from what I can recall. Here Jesus is almost certainly an alien from the depths of space who has been leading a small colony of humans in a martian cave for the last 2000 years. It’s interesting examination of what Christianity had stayed the slightly reformed version of Judaism suggested by Jesus’ teachings. Worth reading again.

  10. Smith Says:

    And is it me or does Jesus resemble one of the Bee Gees?

  11. fred Says:

    Jesus, a Martian, and a space monkey walk into a bar…

  12. Mac Says:

    So we’ve found a face on mars, but where’s the giant coming in for a massive facepalm after this travesty.

  13. Mac Says:

    I meant to say “giant hand” but I didn’t see an edit button

  14. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Smith asked:
    “And is it me or does Jesus resemble one of the Bee Gees?”

    How deep is your love, how deep is your love
    I really need to know…
    ’cause we’re living on a Mars of fools
    breaking us down…

  15. Phil Says:

    BeeGees? No.

    Mr Edwards from LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE? Perhaps.

  16. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    I think Jesus flew on a space ship to get to Mars and the monkey was his pilot. Jesus brought flowers and gifts a gesture of goodwill for the Martians. He even brought his own cross to show them what he had to go through on Earth. But once he got on the surface he was like “Hey, where is everybody?”

  17. Tom Noir Says:

    Couldn’t Mars Jesus just make it so that the monkey could breathe without the tiny helmet. Or perhaps even Mars Jesus is not immune to the undeniable cuteness of said tiny helmet.

  18. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Jesus on Mars turns sublimated carbon dioxide into vacuum-sealed packets of wine.

    Jesus on Mars asked us to consider the lilies of Valles Marineris.

    Jesus on Mars died on the cross for our sins, and rose 73.8 hours later.

    Jesus way cool. Jesus on Mars was about -90°.

  19. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Still waiting for PJF to give us Jesus on Comet 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko

  20. Tom Noir Says:

    “Jesus on Mars!” is a handy phrase if you’re looking to add to your swearing vocabulary.

  21. Tat Wood Says:

    It’ll have to go a long way to be as off as that bit in the Rock Hudson ‘Martian Chronicles’ mini-series where Roddy McDowell hallucinates Jerry Cornelius with stigmata.

  22. fred Says:

    I declare this cover to be Richard Burton worthy.

  23. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Jesus: ‘Lovely monkey…lovely monkey…right there on the cross, eh? Lovely monkey. Now, watch closely…nothing in the sleeve…nothing in the other sleeve…and…hallelujah! Monkey in space clothes!’

    Voice from the back: ‘He hid ’em up between his cheeks!’

    Jesus: ‘This show is OVER!’

  24. Bibliomancer Says:

    Those are some fancy robes. They look more like window curtains. Jesus could use a valance across his chest.

  25. JuanPaul Says:

    That awkward moment when your girlfriend walks in you wearing her nightgown and playing with a space monkey.

  26. Bibliomancer Says:

    @JuanPaul — Ha Ha Ha 🙂
    Jesus needn’t worry. His French girlfriend is pretty chill.

  27. Ray P Says:

    “Get your mass to Mars!”

  28. JuanPaul Says:

    @biblio I’m liking gender-fluid Jesus. Always thought he was a little unspecific.

  29. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @B’mancer: reminds me of the old Carol Burnett sketch where she had the dress made out of curtains, with curtain rod still in it. He’s not actually on a cross, that’s just the beam the curtains were hanging on.

    Still no explanation for Space Monkey.

  30. JuanPaul Says:

    @gssxn space monkey needs no explanation.

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