Oct 10

Damn it. Stop using zero-gravity to look down my conveniently cut catsuit!Click for full image

Tom’s Art Direction: We need a cover that is hip or groovy or whatever the kids are into now. Make sure it has big hair, shoulder pads, pink neon, the works! Oh and see if David Bowie is available.
Published 1986

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.65 out of 10)

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26 Responses to “Spider Play”

  1. Kathryn Says:

    Uh… Is he naked? And he looks moustachioed, but I can’t tell.


  2. Druaightagh Says:

    A clearer image here:

    I get the impression, from his name “Mama Maxwell”, to his moustached grin, he’s the kinda smooth talking P.I. “mutha” stereotype that ends his sentences with “baby” a lot (like the cool Futurama robot cop, “Aww yeah… baby”).

  3. SI Says:

    He might as well be naked. I am sure those catsuits don’t leave much to the imagination!

    And it’s another perfect time for what are they saying!!

    Women: “Look here, we have to head out and recalibrate this array.”
    Man: “How would you like me to… recalibrate you…”
    Women: “Oh god… I’m going to throw up…”

  4. Smith Says:

    Isn’t that the lead singer of Hot Chocolate?

    And are we to assume they’re in zero g? If so, how come the Thin White Duke’s hair isn’t floating about like a sea anenome with split ends?

  5. Pat Says:

    “Look dear, if you must insist on wearing it, you would look a lot cooler if you had a spider web design like this on that catsuit.”

  6. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Yes! Already in 1986, SF publishers knew that those silly little “Mac” PCs didn’t have a future. Behold the glorious household IBM XP3000! It weighs only 2 tons — the housewife of tomorrow can’t live without it!

  7. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Who’s the black private dick
    who’s a computing machine with all the chicks
    Can you dig it?”

  8. THX 1138 Says:

    Man: “It feels like I’m wearing nothing at all!”
    Woman: “Stupid sexy Isaac Hayes!”

  9. fred Says:

    The Girl With the Gravity Defying Hair.

  10. Phil Says:

    Look carefully (at the sharper version of the image provided by Druaightagh), and you will see he has the glasses of Timmy Mallett.

    It’s great to know that in the future there will be 1980s hairdos and specs, curvy CRT screens, and a Crossroads motel telephone switchboard in every space station.

  11. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    The far future bears an uncanny resemblance to the 1980s.

  12. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    …At least the catsuit-clad Eddie Murphy will be funny…

  13. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    The floating man looks a lot like Snively Whiplash.

  14. Anna T. Says:

    Methinks there’s something wrong with the artificial gravity on this ship.

  15. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Trying to make out the blurb…

    ‘The spider…it’s a moon navel of bio-laundry. And panther used that dawn for dovecot-like fanning Brillo, and fool jodhpur Flan Hummel.’

    Which doesn’t make any sense, until you learn that Brillo is a scrubbing up brush, and is probably used in the bio-laundry. Personally, I would think it too much for a jumpsuit, but maybe that explains why hers has a large opening down the front.

  16. Tat Wood Says:

    Is the title some kind of US sporting term? If not, how did those two words constitute a title that anyone thought would make people interested enough to buy the book? Were there sequels with titles such as ‘Grasshopper Dance’ or ‘Scorpion Attack’?

  17. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘With a minute fourteen to go, the Galoshes need to put some plays together.’

    ‘That’s right, Ron. The Weetabix came here today to play some football, and if the Galoshes don’t start playing football now, this football game will be all over.’

    ‘Coming out of the huddle, the Galoshes are looking to turn this game around…the Weetabix looking to stop it here…’

    ‘I wonder, Ron…I wonder if, with that long huddle, if the Galoshes have something big ready.’

    ‘Ten seconds on the play…Dimples back…Floorboard in motion…there’s the snap…Dimples four feet off the ground…and MAMA MAXWELL IS EXPOSING HER CHEST! MAMA MAXWELL IS EXPOSING HER ENTIRE STERNUM, SHE’S AT THE TWENTY, SHE’S AT THE TEN, SHE’S AT THE COMPUTER! AND THE GALOSHES HAVE THE LEAD!’

    ‘Excellent execution of the Spider Play there, Ron. Absolutely right out of the playbook. Janna Brill was doing amazing things with the force of gravity at the computer, and the Weetabix never had a chance. They never saw it coming.’

    ‘And the crowd are going wild. A beautiful, beautiful execution of the Spider Play by Posterior Dimples and the whole Sioux City Galoshes for the lead. And Manx Hareball, for the Weetabix, over on the sidelines…’

    ‘Oh, I’d hate to be the one in the next shower stall in the dressing room, Ron! If looks could kill, there would be french fried potatoes up and down that field.’

  18. Tat Wood Says:

    @Dead Stuff: Good show, but don’t antagonise the Weetabix – their supporters look a bit handy

    ‘You’re going home in a spider ambulance.

  19. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Tat: originally, they were the Poughkeepsie Defenestrators, but that sounded too much like a real club name. 😉

  20. B. Chiclitz Says:

    “Spider Play,” the new bare-chested musical, with anti-grav orchestra conducted by Wadda Brillo and her magic baton.

  21. Tom Noir Says:

    So, a bit of Googling shows, and this is true, that Mama Maxwell is the MAN on the cover.

  22. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Tom: A Boy Named Mama?

  23. Ryan Says:

    Based on this cover, “Spider Play” is the new euphoric that Mama Maxwell has consumed in significant qualities.

    No matter what Blondie says to him, all he can hear inside his head is

  24. Bruce A Munro Says:

    I’m firmly convinced that the Maxwell and Brill stories are set in a grim alternate universe where the fashion trends of the late 70s and early 80s never went away.

  25. Tor Mented Says:

    “Max, how am I supposed to get any work done with you hovering over my shoulder?”

  26. Longtime_Lurker Says:

    I’ve just read this, and the cover kind of sort of represents a scene from the book, most of which is set on a space station. Brill (her) and Maxwell (him) really are tall and thin. I still probably wouldn’t read it on the bus.

    The cover of the kindle version is much, much worse.

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