Oct 14

Why... why did I program her without boobs?Click for full image

MisterBOB’s Art Direction: Imagine if you could reach out and touch a bald lady face on your pc screen. Draw that!
Published 1984

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.35 out of 10)

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33 Responses to “Valentina”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    “We will always be together – however faaar it seeems!” No, wait, I can’t imagine anyone ever using their computer for that, it’s sheer science fiction.

  2. Adam Roberts Says:

    When the microwave goes ‘ping!’ it means your severed human head will be cooked right through. Enjoy!

  3. SI Says:

    Ah if only he had waited 15 years when women will be your ‘best friend’ for money on computers.

    Would have saved him a lot of coding!

  4. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    If you could program yourself Sinead O’Connor and a clip-art heart, would you?

  5. Tom Noir Says:

    I’d program her some hair!

  6. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Alternate blurb:

    If you were afraid to reach out and touch real people… would you buy this book?

  7. Calophi Says:

    I don’t think he’s touching a lady-face. She seems to have her hand up to the screen also, so he’s really touching her lady-finger. =D

  8. Tom Noir Says:

    I just wasn’t impressed by the “Tron” reboot.

  9. fred Says:

    Published one year before the “Weird Science” movie. Kelly Lebrock w/o hair?

  10. Ian Says:

    Reminds me of Lt. Ilia, from Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Played by Persis Khambatta.

  11. AceofSpace Says:

    No! Don’t do it! On the Internet every woman is really just a dude!

  12. Phil Says:

    Whoever she is, she’s wearing those plastic lips that came out of a Xmas cracker.

    I think this cover is actually showing us the birth of the iPad: the very day when the late Steve Jobs reached out and touched his green-screened Amstrad PCW and said “I can do better than Alan Sugar. Just watch me.”

  13. Jane Says:

    Someone paid £3 for a second-hand copy of this book?

  14. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “If you could program yourself a best friend… would you?”

    – In your electric dreams, buster!

  15. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    “If you could program yourself Sinead O’Connor and a clip-art heart, would you?”

    Made me chuckle….and nice follow-up @Tom Noir.

  16. A.R.Yngve Says:

    If you could program yourself a best friend… should you get out more?

  17. rev Says:

    If I can touch her with my finger then…
    ……I’m going to need a new screen soon…

  18. rev Says:

    What is that anyway? A Commodore 64? How many cassettes would she fill? There’d be more tapes than the entire Harry Secombe collection.

  19. Tom Noir Says:

    This is why I quit eharmony.

  20. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    In answer to the question: no, I would not, in case she ended up like this.

  21. Bruce A Munro Says:

    The 1980s were cute, so sure that with the might of their floppy disks and FORTRAN programs, artificial intelligence was right around the corner!

  22. fred Says:

    Random 80’s bitching – ‘The Soul Of A New Machine’ by Tracy Kidder still hasn’t been made into a movie/mini series.

  23. fred Says:

    You dare to complain about the entertainment industry, they kick you in the balls. Hard. Multiple times. With steel toed boots. Kicks delivered by The Mountain Who Rides. With a running start. Downhill.

  24. THX 1139 Says:

    Serious case of bighanditis on the programmer…

  25. Bibliomancer Says:

    Swipe left, dude

  26. Tor Mented Says:

    She seems high-maintenance.

  27. A. R. Yngve Says:

    Ironically, in 2021 this book seems timely indeed.

    “If your smartphone was your closest friend in lockdown… would you sleep with it? YOU ALREADY DO!”

  28. B. Chiclitz Says:

    It’s either funny or creepy to realize he probably has no pants on.

  29. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @B. Chictlitz: and wearing a bra on his head.

  30. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Bruce: I worked in a bleeding-edge AI lab in the mid-80s and they said “Real AI is coming in 10 years… just like it was 10 years ago… and just like it will be 10 years from now…”

    They were working on specific implementations to help humans automate drudgery, and that’s what we’ve mostly got now.

    @BC: So this is a rare shot of him with both (big) hands visible?

    Today, it looks more like he’s having a Zoom meeting with a woman who should have picked a different color background. But he’s still probably not wearing pants.

    That font is so terrible I am unsurprised by the publisher. I bet the title is shiny and embossed too.

  31. JuanPaul Says:

    1984, the year of the first waifu.

    @THX that’s a technique called reverse foreshortening.

  32. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @fred @22: And here’s a properly 1980s cover for that.

    @GSS ex-noob: well, the majority of professionals probably haven’t been thinking true AI was arriving “soon-ish” since the start of the 1970s, but I’m talking public perception, and the gap between what 1980s drama and SF (whether in book, TV, comic, or movie form) was suggesting was imminent and the actual technological state of the art is kinda hilarious in retrospect.

  33. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Being in the know, I found it hilarious at the time.

    We were running the stuff on MAINFRAMES, back before Al Gore invented the internet. (But seriously — before The Great Renaming of Usenet groups, today’s domain structure, etc.)

    But as everyone I knew well at the time had some real-world computer experience, or even their own giant beige box with BSOD’s, we laughed.

    The exaggeration continues… even though everyone’s got a computer in their pocket now and can’t get Google or Siri to figure out exactly what they’re looking for — and certainly not being an AI babe or evil digitized genius.

    I did see a recent music video in which a Weird Science/Electric Dreams kind of thing happens, but it was very retro 80s and proud of it.

    *search search clickity click, no dammit, search search*

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