Feb 10

Crystal answer me... why did I buy such a big dish washer?Click for full image

Rachel J’s Art Direction: Mark, *nothing* happens in this yawn-fest, so let’s go with the general girl-power-in-space-with-crystals theme from the earlier books. Pink-and-purple colour scheme, huge embossed title in neon yellow, rocketships, chick in the foreground holding up a sparkly rainbow crystal. Oh, and make her look awed. What? No, I said “awed”, not “bored!” But hey, “bored” works too.
Published 1993

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.89 out of 10)

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17 Responses to “Crystal Line”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    The healing crystals slot on The Psychic Channel can’t be far away…

  2. Jaouad Says:

    For a moment there I thought the, er… thing in the background was a box in which she keeps her crystal specimens. Or perhaps her laundry. Then the perspective shifted and I thought it was some kind of Vogonic spaceship. Now I’m convinced it’s a Total Improbability Device. The dials on the front give it away.

  3. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    What’s with the rent-to-own bureau in golden oak? And what’s up with her hands?

  4. Michael Toland Says:

    The way she’s directing her gaze at that, um, object in her hands doesn’t look like boredom to me.

  5. Jaouad Says:

    Ah yes, glowing stimulation devices sprouting from the rocks. This must be heaven.

  6. Jon Says:

    That’s not a Gelfling at all!

  7. GullyFoyle Says:

    In the future, HP will go back to making larger laser printers.

  8. fred Says:

    Any chance her name is Crys Talline? And her favorite action movie actor is Cry Stalline? And she only wears the C Rystal line of clothing?

  9. Phil Says:

    I thought that was a futuristic Aga, complete with satellite uplink. And a small robotic vacuum cleaner headed towards it.

  10. Tom Noir Says:

    Meh, I like it, right down to the kitsch-y sixties paperback font. It feels like something that would have grabbed my attention on the paperback rack of the library when I was a kid. I guess, per Alessandra, her hands ARE kinda huge

  11. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Tonight on the Antiques Roadshow 3000, we’re going to look at some very interesting space artefacts…”

  12. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    How did she climb up there?

  13. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    Welcome to Crapstory Farms, where we hand-pick only the best of our crystals are selected for preservation in the giant Frigidaire. Crapstory Farms, where 100% of our crops are certified inorganic!

    Come by and visit us, we’re located just off the galactic overpass outside Altair! Space Hippies are always welcome!

  14. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    Reaction of the crew from the spaceship: “Watch out Steve, you’re going to hit that 100 foot woman admiring her Vibro-5000!”

  15. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Now, if only there was a kind of crystal that sent out vibrations which stopped people from being pretentious and New Agey about crystals…

  16. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @AR: You’ll be happy to know that all kinds of crystals do that…if they’re heavy and pointy enough…and if you apply the crystal to the head in repeated blows…

  17. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Q: What is a “Crystal Line”?

    A: Drug users have many names for their narcotic of choice, but a “crystal line” commonly refers to a strand of coke resting on a smooth hard surface, intended for nasal ingestion.

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