Jan 09

You hear about the english man fish assassin? He got battered! Ah ha ha... sorry...Click for full image

Joachim Comments: Doing the fish dance! Steps: 1) make sure you have a fish head, 2) limp wrists, 3) and a steady gurgle.
Published 1973

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.45 out of 10)

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30 Responses to “The English Assassin”

  1. Ewan Says:

    Did the fish just happen to be swimming by his head at that moment?

  2. Phil Says:

    I note once again the use of bubbles to prove we are underwater. As if the fish and its spongiform undersea colleagues were not enough.

  3. THX 1138 Says:

    It’s weird, it looks like he’s wearing trousers but he isn’t.

  4. Jaouad Says:

    Pity that fish is obscuring his vision. Otherwise he’d be able to see the sea urchin that will presently meet his toes.

  5. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I see Robert Griffin III posed for this one post-injury. 🙂

    And, in a few weeks’ time, NO-ONE will get that joke!

  6. Jon Says:

    So, it’s about a guy with terrible grammar?

  7. fred Says:

    If this was the cover of some obscure French re-print of ‘Sailor on the Seas of Fate’ it would be perfect.

  8. Adam Roberts Says:

    [sings] ‘You can dance if you wannoo, you can leave your fish behind/Coz your fish don’t dance and if they don’t dance then they’re/No fish of mine.’

  9. NGpm Says:

    Finding bad Moorcock covers is like shooting fish in a … oh, wait.

  10. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Cover also used for the book HOW MANKIND WILL SURVIVE GLOBAL WARMING: A Radical Transformation Proposal.

  11. Greg M. Says:

    This is what happens when Mr. Bean goes deep sea diving.

  12. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    I have got to know if that cover has anything to do with the contents.

  13. Tat Wood Says:

    The positioning of his hands worries me more than anything else. It’s as if naked fish-hat man thinks he’s Jimi Hendrix but playing an inverted air-piano.

  14. Tom Noir Says:

    James Bond notwithstanding, the English clearly don’t make very good assassins.

  15. Muttley Says:

    Well, he’s dancing with the fishes, isn’t he?

    I don’t recall any fish-men in The English Assassin, but it’s Moorcock so odd things are likely to be happening in the corners when you aren’t looking.

  16. FearofMusic Says:

    Okay then. WTF? Really? I mean…WTF? Either someone believes so strongly in Mr. Moorcocks writing abilities and name cache that nothing can possibly deter readers. Or….his publisher would like to see him a drooling, babbling madman on the dole, waving copies of this book about screaming “You see this? I WROTE THIS! And THIS is the COVER they put on it! Rotten miserable..mumble, drool, stagger..”

  17. FearofMusic Says:

    I know this was published forty years ago, and Mr. Moorcock survived this attempt on his sanity, but surely it must be nice to have the occasional copy of your back catalogue sell…rather than, say, showing up here?

  18. BMunro Says:

    Oh, those are bubbles. At first glance I thought fish-head was getting his yummy pellets.

  19. Stevie T Says:

    I love how he looks like he’s about to seriously punt that urchin!

  20. Rachel J Says:

    @Tat Wood. Nonsense. You just don’t understand the fine art of underwater assassination, English style. There you are, happily scuba-diving… when up to you dances a naked man with a fish for a head. While you are still paralysed with astonishment, he deftly and with unerring aim kicks a sea-urchin at you. Its spines pierce your wetsuit, injecting you with poison. You die. Assignment complete.

  21. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    I think the English Assassin is the fish – it seems to assassinate people by dragging them into water and sitting on their heads

  22. Rags Says:

    Editor: What?? His name is Morecock? Ok listen closely, we need to distract the reader, yes. Take his mind off the name. Yes. Ok listen up you troglodytes, I want an anorexic male, without genitalia, oddly short lower legs, no toes, bad shading and yellowish skin. Give him the head of a red snapper. Have him dancing the chicken dance and having an orgasm, frollicking around some underwater shrubbery and 4 (you listening) only 4 air bubbles!!

    Yes Man #1: Genius, sir, sheer genius!!

    Yes Man #2: I want to have your babies sir!!

    Editor: (wipes brow) ok one problem averted. Now give me that copy of Alotta Fagina’s new book, I am on a role.

  23. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Due to a misunderstanding by a Hollywood producer who had never read anything by Moorcock (or any book other than the TV Guide), the movie rights to this book were bought for 2 million and we’ll soon see this trailer:

    “She was a woman yearning for the sea… he was a man of the sea. Paraplegic Pictures presents an Anthony Minghella film… Julia Roberts… Hugh Grant… THE ENGLISH ASSASSIN.”

  24. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:


  25. anon Says:

    @Tat Wood: Great. Now I want to see someone lift a piano and play it behind his back. Good luck ever seeing anyone do that.

    “The 2013 winner of the Movers’ Guild Annual Naked Underwater Marathon was a man wearing a fish on his head for a scuba gear. (later disqualified for having lost his piano)”

  26. Lee M Says:

    Given the surreal and to my mind incomprehensible nature of this book, the cover may be totally accurate for all I know.

  27. Anna T. Says:

    Fishman looks like he’s doing a little-kid airplane run. Not that that adds to the [in]sanity of this cover.

  28. Perry Armstrong Says:

    The recovered ‘Underwater Menace’ #2, however, does serve to rehabilitate this cover’s cheesy reputation.

  29. Ray P Says:

    FWIW, the English assassin, Jerry Cornelius, has spent a couple of years under the sea, comatose in a sarcophagus, at the start of the story. He has staring eyes like a mad gull though, not a puffer-fish head.

  30. fred Says:

    His participle isn’t dangling so I really don’t see the English language being assassinated here.

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