Mar 15

In space... no one really wants to hear that anyway....Click for full image

Rachel R Comments: We apologize, ladies and gentlemen, but due to pilot fatigue we will be rerouting from our original destination Planet Professionalism to make a stop at the Space Station of Sleazy Symbolism.
Published 2005

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.43 out of 10)

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46 Responses to “Crown of Slaves”

  1. Adam Roberts Says:

    It’s the Platonic Form of the Baen cover: eye-wearying, tacky, shouty, incomprehensible.

  2. Phil Says:

    But it does have some un-sheeped devil’s dumplings. C.S. Lewis will be turning in his grave.

  3. The Tag Wizard Says:

    The space shepherd has been notified. We now have T-3 hours until Clive Staples completes a 360° graveyard rotation and initiates the corpse reanimation process.

  4. Tat Wood Says:

    Bottom right corner: what can be on her shoulder that fascinates the man in the tinfoil cycle-jacket more than a giant, pimped-up baby-rattle approaching the window at high velocity does?

  5. Herm Says:

    @Tat Wood: Usually that would be a treecat in Weber’s books, but unless it’s an invisible treekitten, there’s no room for one there…

  6. SI Says:

    That’s no moon that’s… wait… does she have three breasts?

  7. Annie B. Says:

    Apparently sinful: money, poison, STOP signs, and the Whore of Babylon. Or it’s just Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon 6 on a layover. *ahem*

  8. Tom Noir Says:

    I like how they felt that Symbolic Space Vegas wasn’t a BUSY enough cover so they made sure to frame it with people watching it through a spaceship window.

    Is this recycled from somewhere, a-la that Miles Vorkosigan cover?

  9. FearofMusic Says:

    Oh me, oh my! Baen, Eric Flint, slaves, explosions! Winner winner chicken dinner! Yesssss….

  10. drlemaster Says:

    Wow, this one was like a stress test of the tagging system. I think it performed quite well. Good show, Good Show Sir.

  11. Dave Van Domelen Says:

    It’s an amusement park space station. I forget if it was introduced in Crown of Slaves or didn’t show until the next book in the series, but it’s an actual thing in the story, not just symbolism.

    You know, like just about every other Baen cover people assume is bizarre symbolism but depicts actual events.

  12. fred Says:

    I’m thinking a giant space station with only one marked exit reflects a serious lack of planning.

  13. Tom Noir Says:

    @Dave: So the station has an ACTUAL giant nude statue draped over half of it?!?

  14. THX 1138 Says:

    If that’s your new Orac, you can forget the whole Blake’s 7 reboot right now.

  15. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    On the right side of the picture, you can see that a ship is berthing itself between a woman’s open lips.

    Which means that on the upper left side of the picture…

  16. Phil Says:

    I concur with PUBLISHER’S WEEKLY. This is one of a best books I’ve –

    No, this is one of the “a best books” I’ve –

    Let’s see… This is the best of a book I –

    Oh, I just don’t care for this book any more.

  17. FearofMusic Says:

    If the Deathstar had looked like this, those cheesy rebels could never had blown it up. Good luck spotting a 2m exhaust port on that thing.

  18. Bibliomancer Says:

    Whoa. That was like a baseball bat to the eyes. We should post no other covers until we have photographed all the Eric Flint Baen paperbacks.

  19. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Dead Stuff . . .—but before that rocket exits, it must first pierce through the pulsing neon heart of the word “sin,” located pretty much dead center. This is known as nuance.

  20. Rachel R. Says:

    It’s the little things that really bring this cover together…like how the Booklist quote “Breathless pacing and larger-than-life characters!” is situated right next to the giant writhing woman.

  21. Tom Noir Says:

    @Bibliomancer: on it!

  22. A.R.Yngve Says:

    In the age of online gambling — you know, casinos without a fixed physical location — a giant Las Vegas in orbit seems like a non-profit venture…

  23. FéařofMüsiç Says:

    İ pĺéađ ğüıĺtý to ıñnàpřöpřiaté föñtàğe. Hàvé meřçy on me ğoođ şırş!:

  24. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    So this is what happened to Unicron after his defeat at the hands of the Autobots…He really has fallen on hard times.

  25. Stevie T Says:

    “Wow, that virus we used on the Borg certainly had some unforseen side effects.”

  26. Libraryman Says:

    Anti-Septic: That made me Lol. Unicron had to get a gig in the industry apparently.

  27. Hep C Says:

    I like the fact that there are little screens at the bottom, where people are watching what’s going on at the space… Clown of Shaves? Missed chance to use the good ol’ cover within the cover within the cover trick, though. It would be quite a challenge with this cover.

    The chandeliers on the ceiling of the spaceship/station are a nice touch as well. I wonder if they use actual candles.

  28. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Subtlety is to Baen Books like shaving is to Kim-Jong Un’s chin: hasn’t happened yet.

  29. Tom Noir Says:


    He’s even labeled.

  30. A.R.Yngve Says:

    We all knew that someday, a Baen cover would spontaneously explode…

  31. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Did you know? If you light a candle and say ‘Space Sheep’ three times into the mirror, a Baen cover pops up on the ‘Random Terrible Cover’ drop down!

  32. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Q: What is “breathless pacing”?
    A: It’s when you’re walking very fast while out of breath.
    Q: So what are “larger than life characters” then?
    A: Overacting characters.

  33. GSS noob Says:

    @Tom Noir (29): I have a lo-res monitor: does it say “ORSON LAND”? Like, if you aren’t into debauchery but get dragged along by your spaceship mates, you can have a nice cuppa in a cat cafe? And then buy kitty merchandise? Because I’d certainly do that with my SpaceBux instead.

    Looking at this on said small lo-res monitor, it occurs to me how entirely useless these covers are for ebooks, which is superbly ironic for Baen. At the size and resolution of the cover thumbnails for Kindle (etc.) books, they all blend into one blob of brightly-colored-on-black mush.

  34. Bruce A Munro Says:

    I don’t remember 2003 being _that_ bad a year for books.

  35. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Is it too soon for an Elon Musk joke here?

  36. fred Says:

    Trump’s space defense initiative as he presented it to the Joint Chiefs.

  37. Tor Mented Says:

    “Hello, I’d like to book a reservation at the space casino. Do you have any rooms available in the giant woman’s breasts? No? How about in her legs? Well, where do you have rooms? WHAT? I am NOT staying in that shithole.”

  38. GSS ex-noob Says:

    This might be peak BAEN! as Adam (1) said all those years ago.

    Military-looking dudes, nekkid pneumatic representations, guns, shurikens, excess spaceships, a frame, hopelessly muddled colors and design, dumb blurb with exclamation point, multiple authors, one of whom is eber. Only the title being in red instead of orange and the font matching with the authors’ names just misses it.

    I mean, you can damn near HEAR this cover, even in a vacuum.

    Do notice what’s on the screens at the bottom, in closeup, just in case you missed the extreme male gaziness of the overall cover. Double the sexism!

    It makes Las Vegas look subdued and elegant.

    I’ll be at ORSON LAND. No, I’ll be in some other publisher’s universe.


    In other news, here’s a thing I think space opera authors might be using in the near future. It involves absolutely NO human figures, bad Poser/Photoshop/tracing, lettering, shurikens, guns (laser or bullet). Just outer space stuff.

    It takes quite a while for the layers to load up, but it’s fun to play with.

    (And if all that wasn’t enough, it’s by a Hugo finalist who the Puppies hate, because he quotes them accurately!)

  39. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Ah, Baen! Ah, pneumaticy!

  40. RachelJ Says:

    I only just realised… the giant woman isn’t a statue, she’s a building, isn’t she?

  41. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @RachelJ: Yes, she seems to be part of the… structure… of this… thing.

    She’s a very long, very large building — probably either the big main hotel or the big main brothel. Or both — mostly a hotel with brothels in her dumplings? the dumplings are night clubs/discos with decorative laser beams shooting out the tips, inside and out? 3D holoprojectors that display either advertising, or a giant image of The Masterful Lord Himself?

    “Right, we’ll pilot our rocket into the lady-head’s mouth… (fnarr fnarr)… and then we’ve got rooms booked in the Bimbo Hotel’s right knee.”

  42. Francis Boyle Says:

    That shuriken needs resizing. The word “reject” is cut off.

  43. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Alas that ebooks don’t count, for I have found an ultimate example of “weird pecs”. And biceps, triceps, and all muscles above the waist. I think the elbow and lower arm would look even odder were they not covered by the title.

  44. Francis Boyle Says:

    Ugh. Jamie Mccrimmon, what have you done.

  45. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Someone has probably pointed this out over the years, but how funny is it that the phrase “larger-than-life characters” is right next to the giant Bimbo Hotel?

    “Oh, I see, she’s much larger than life, ain’t she?”

  46. GSS ex-noob Says:

    BC: I think that’s what passes for clever wit at that publisher. A real knee-slapper.

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