May 29

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! He's got a comb over!!Click for full image

Tom Hering Comments: From St. John to Krenkel to Frazetta to this. The most egregious example I’ve ever seen of a publisher using an amateur artist to save a little money.
Published 1977

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.96 out of 10)

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43 Responses to “The Cave Girl”

  1. Adam Roberts Says:

    ‘I give his performance FIVE…’

  2. The Tag Wizard Says:

    Quite literally a story about the noble savage. Oops, SPOILERS!

  3. SI Says:

    Don’t you just hate that one guy at rock concerts. Always drunk and acting like an ape.

  4. Michael Says:

    So it seems hover hands are no recent phenomenon.

  5. Tom Hering Says:

    He’s not bald. He just parts his hair in the middle. The way the woman does, but without the Farrah Fawcett flicks. Yeah, he’s striking a lame Travolta Saturday Night Fever pose. But hey, give him a break – it’s the ’70s.

    He: Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I’m a woman’s man, no time to talk.

    She: Somebody help me. Somebody help me, yeah.

    He: Now it’s alright. It’s okay. And you may look the other way.

    She: Ah, ha, ha, ha. Stayin’ alive. Stayin’ alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha – stayin’ alive!

  6. JuanPaul Says:

    If there were nekkid boobs in this, I think they would have had to change the rating system to go to eleven.

  7. THX 1138 Says:


  8. B. Chiclitz Says:

    “I swear girl, if you don’t start behaving, I’m going to punch myself in the head until the rest of my hair falls out.”

    Sample reasoning of a non-successful genetic line.

  9. Michael Toland Says:

    My left hand is my feel-coppin’ hand. It’s the steroids.

  10. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    In a way, this cover’s ahead of its time, anticipating the Uncanny Valley of Poser and clipping problems by two decades.

  11. FeàröfMüsic Says:

    Yipes! If this weren’t The Right Honorable GSS I might be wondering if this was a real cover. Wow.
    Yeah. Wow.

    That is, uh, really, REALLY poor work on balding cat whiskered baboon mouthed man. Don’t mess with him though. He’s a psychopath. Just look at him. His mouth is screaming fury, but his eyes are completely wihout emotion.

    Grog Grak Grokluk, worlds first known serial killer.

  12. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    The caveman must be upset from the bird poop on his head just as he was trying to make his move on his favorite gal.

  13. Bibliomancer Says:

    Surprising baldness pattern on the Cave Brute. Bare forearms and chest but hairy knuckles? And he has cat-whiskers and an eyebrow combover! Still he reminds me of every boyfriend my ex-girlfriends left me for.

    And speaking of Cave Girl, she’s no Frazetta woman. No need for a blocked view of the boob. Move along, there’s nothing to see here.

  14. Tom Hering Says:

    I’m guessing he’s about to give her an atomic noogie. The way the people of his tribe give each other atomic noogies till their hair is gone.

  15. Rags Says:

    I am astonished and envious of the artist here. Not only did he/she draw this “visual feast” but had the nerve/gaul/BALLS to submit it to a publisher and (WTF) get it published on an Edgar Rice Burroughs book no less! This isn’t some self-published R. Stanek or Gloria Tesch monstrosity, its ERB!

    I love the one flexing featherweight boxer arm and how it contrasts with the giant WWE wrestling arm. I also love the mouth which takes up 80% of the head area and the sleepy/drunk eyes! I also admire the strange hair placement (knuckles and legs only, chest and biceps clear!) The facial hair is undescribable.

    It appears his right leg is propped up on something, perhaps a 24 case of Heineken? There is also a rash on his upper thigh, which would explain his rage and why he is going after his one and only wifey!!!

    Zog: “Why me have rashy in the boom boom?? Also, where the fudge me rolex go??”
    Winona Ryder: “It’s not my fault, I had a bad childhood!!”

  16. fred Says:

    Perfect teeth for an adult whatever it is. Must have good comprehensive health care. And access to manicurists.

  17. Tom Noir Says:

    If you think about it (and I have!) there’s basically no way that Mr. McFeelMe there could actually close his mouth. The lower jaw is way too long, the teeth are way too big, and his tongue would probably be permanently sticking out of his mouth. Of course given that his gropin’ arm is about three times the size of his muscle-man-pose arm he may have bigger problems than closing his mouth.

    All this is good news for Miss Toothpick-Legs there. She should have no problem escaping this misshapen monstrosity.

  18. Tom Hering Says:

    I wonder how long Tandem Books kept their license after the folks at ERB Inc. got a look at this?

  19. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Some of the facial anomaly may be explained by the fact that this graphic was originally designed as an ad for Chapstick®. Didn’t get by the creative director, however.

    “Me Zog Chapstick and this Suzy Chapstick. With this mouth, me get lip rash like you wouldn’t believe!”

    “And then he expects me to kiss him? Puh-leeze! Gag me with the femur of a Hyracotherium!”

  20. Yoss Says:

    “Come back! When Grog say you feel him muscle, you feel him muscle!”

  21. Phil Says:

    Inside every balding yet hairy man is a sabre-toothed tiger trying to get out. Via the mouth.

  22. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    This scene seems to be reminicent of the movie There’s Something About Marie. Except here the girl knows the stuff on the caveman’s head is NOT gel…

  23. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Well you see, this was way back in the Stone Age… but now we’re civilized, and women can work any job without fear of rude cavemen, for example by serving in the milit… forget I said anything.

  24. el_kat Says:

    @JaniGrey Also, THIS.

  25. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    Bad Adventures in Manscaping, RE: EVERYTHING

    FFS, the facial hair makes him look like he’s part catfish.

  26. chrizinsch Says:

    RT @GoodShowSir: New Book Cover: The Cave Girl

  27. A.R.Yngve Says:

    How I Became An Intern In Washington D.C. And Lived To Tell The Tale

  28. Tom Hering Says:

    Strange rating system. One minute it’s 54 votes and 9.21 out of 10, and the next minute it’s the same 54 votes but 9.15 out of 10. How does it work, exactly? Just curious.

  29. THX 1138 Says:

    Oh, we see you, Harvey!

  30. fred Says:

    Sam Kinison as Unfrozen Comedian Caveman.

  31. B. Chiclitz Says:

    So good to see this cover again. He’s still punching himself in the head and she’s still trying to escape. Only, thanks to the drift of history, they resemble the First Couple, except he’s in better shape.

  32. Bibliomancer Says:

    Five years later shows how inappropriate we now consider this type of male behavior. #timesup

  33. JuanPaul Says:

    You’ve got it all wrong. She’s trying to run into a burning cave to salvage their brand new 80″ cave drawing. He’s saving her life.

  34. fred Says:

    She has to suffer through this cover and she isn’t even the star of the book.

  35. Tor Mented Says:

    Look at their arms. They’re doing the swastika dance.

  36. Tat Wood Says:

    @Fred: see, that’s why ‘After MASH’ didn’t work, they picked the wrong character arc for Charles.

  37. Tor Mented Says:

    Drum pound in middle of night.
    Cave dad say, “when you live cave life right?”
    Cave dad, dear, you know you still number one.
    But cave girl want to have fun.
    Ug, cave girl just want to have fun.

  38. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tor: grunt of appreciation

    @B. Chiclitz and @B’mancer: indeed, it’s quite prescient.

    Also it amuses me that Flashback Friday is Groundhog Day.

  39. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Welcome to a land so primitive even the Photoshop is crude and barbaric.

  40. A. R. Yngve Says:

    I assume this dreadful cover wasn’t made digitally (in 1977) – so what’s the artist’s technique? Is it a photo collage?

  41. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @ARY: Colorforms? Rub-down graphics?

  42. Tat Wood Says:

    @GSS ex-Noob: you may be on to something…

  43. A. R. Yngve Says:

    Rub-down graphics! A short-lived fad when I grew up, they were also called “Kalkitos”:

    (The set “Hairy Cavemen Assault Terrified Cave Women” were quickly pulled from the market after parents made an outcry…)

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