May 28

I am NOT asking for directions... It's right over the next crater... I think...Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: Look out! No brakes!
Published 2001

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.13 out of 10)

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37 Responses to “Bouncing Off the Moon”

  1. Adam Roberts Says:

    Making Venn Diagrams Fun!

  2. Jaouad Says:

    Astronauts having fun with their balls.

  3. Jaouad Says:

    %@$$#! Watch where you bounce, you lunatics!

  4. Rachel J Says:

    So this was written in response to threats from Orson Scott Card? Interesting.

  5. THX 1138 Says:

    The stunning advances in space hopper technology.

  6. Tom Hering Says:

    The inhabitants of the Moon were hundreds of feet tall. And their queen had captured the astronauts from Earth. The men knew their plan of escape could work. But first, captain Ben Wa and his brother would have to become – the gargantuan queen’s playthings!

  7. Bibliomancer Says:

    “If David Gerrold doesn’t %$#*%@& his @#$%$#@ skulls-a-poppin’ %[email protected]?#&#[email protected]* with cat people … then he can @#$%+#@ %$#*@& mother @#$#@%$#@ %[email protected]?#&#[email protected]* and %$#*$%@&!% assclown @$%[email protected]?% #&#[email protected]* my balls!” — J.R.R. “Doc” Asimov

  8. Rags Says:

    The fonts are NOT BIG ENOUGH, I demand bigger fonts!!

  9. Tom Noir Says:

    Look at it this way: if the fonts were smaller the balls would be larger.

  10. B. Chiclitz Says:

    So I’m chortling at all the balls playing in this thread and then, checking out the cover closely, I see the source of those balls in the sad, broken phallus at lower right—detailed even to the point of embarrassment at the tip.

  11. FeàrofMüsic Says:

    Wow. Apparently, no, wait..were they born inside those little bubble craft? How did they get into those ‘craft’ to begin with? They are kneeling, but have nothing to grab on to, who designed those things? And judging by the look on both faces, there seems to be an ongoing issue with low oxygen levels. But then, if you weren’t a little ‘ duhhh-ee-ohh’ would you even dream of going into the vacuum of space in something like that?

    Please tell me there was no sequel and that Orson Scott laid a righteous ass-whuppin’ on David Gerrold.
    Nothing against Mr. Gerrold mind you, it would just be cool.

  12. Phil Says:

    Must be a sequel to this one:

    Or a prequel to this, once you get a whole load of them balls:

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Spaceballs designed by the Testes Rocket Company of Colorado.

  14. Rags Says:

    Having the biggest balls on the moon is fun and all, but who do you brag about them to?

  15. Tom Hering Says:

    Dick and Harry misunderstood him when their urologist recommended vacuum therapy for erectile dysfunction.

  16. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @rags—Maybe to her?

    (see Virgin Planet)

    or her?

    (see Glory Road)

  17. FéarofMüsic Says:

    You just know, yes you do, that they both have AC/DC blasting in those things, singing along with Bon Scott. Everybody all together now…

    “We’ve got big balls, yes we have big balls,
    and they’re such big balls, dirty big balls,
    he’s got big balls, and she’s got big balls,
    but we’ve got the biggest BALLS OF THEM ALL!!”

  18. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Giant bounce is what we make
    Bouncing off the moon
    I hope my bubble don’t break
    Bouncing off the moon
    We could bounce up a yard
    Bouncing off the moon
    Don’t impress Orson Scott Card
    Bouncing off, bouncing off the moon!

    Goodness, I’m in an 80s mood, aren’t I?

  19. FéarofMüsic Says:

    “Do you remember,
    bouncing cross the moon in plastic balls,
    do you remember,
    inside they weren’t really very tall,
    So sorry,
    never meant to piss you off,
    please forgive me,
    didn’t mean to piss you off,
    I’m sorry,
    didn’t want to piss you off,
    but it happened…

    is it to late to say I’m sorry?
    Oh Orson,
    can’t we get it together againn?
    If I never write the sequel,
    does it mean we can’t be friends?

    Apologies to Fish.

  20. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “If there’s gay marriage, I’m going to be so %@$$#ed off!”
    -Orson Scott Card

  21. Eric H. Says:

    Isn’t this basically the 80s movie “The Explorers”? 🙂

  22. The Tag Wizard Says:

    I’m forever blowing bubbles,
    Pretty bubbles in the air,
    They fly so high,
    Nearly reach the sky,
    Whoops now I’m on the moon

    (@Eric H. – you mean this River Phoenix / Ethan Hawke beauty?

  23. Rags Says:

    How not to create a bubble boys;

    1. Make sure the size of the hover balls is strictly for a toddler or a small dog. Anyone else will have to crouch down unto their knees or on all fours. The key is to make the rider as uncomfortable as possible.

    2. Do not make the floaty-balls with all clear, transparent surfaces. We do not want the riders to have an unobstructed view of the outside, nuts to that, we want shiny, golden ting surfaces that reflect everything (internally). When the sun comes up the kids will suffer from temporary blindness. OH also make the bottom out of discarded borg cube materials.

    3. Do not make the sphere-balls move in any mathematical way at all, we want swaying, rocking, bouncing and general randomness when flying. The goal here is to get the kids to throw up, thus further blocking their already terrible view.

    4. Sure an actual helmet and a some sort of space bike, rocket, ship, sled, surfboard would be HELLA cooler, but no, give them SPACE BALLS!! May their balls bounce the highest.

    5. NO CONTROLS, just push the balls out and hope for the best!

  24. Tom Noir Says:

    @Rags, re #5:

    Heh, that’s what SHE said.

  25. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Tom Noir 24—who, her?

  26. Bibliomancer Says:

    David Gerrold claimed another cover was the worst ever slapped on one of his books:

    I suggest he reconsider.

  27. fred Says:

    Not enough circles and arcs. A few craters would have been nice.

  28. JRDelirio Says:

    “There had better be a sequel”? Orson sounds more like he’s saying the previous book stopped in the middle of things and left him hanging.

  29. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    “So what’s there to do around here?”

    “We could play human pinball.”

  30. David Cowie Says:

    “If there’s not a sequel to JUMPING OFF THE PLANET I’m going to be so *#*#*#*#* off” – Orson Scott Card

    But is this book that sequel?

  31. Stevie T Says:

    Orson Scott Card is quoted on the cover of a…David Gerrold novel?!?!


  32. Zapgunner Says:

    I’ve always been perplexed that Gerrold had this pedantic crap artist on this series. It’s not that great, but it’s better than a lot of young adult sf.

  33. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    I guess they just sort of squat the entire trip, because those things don’t look tall enough to be standing in, and because no one thought to include seats in their design. The good news is, if you survive the trip, you get to come home with the lower body of a world-class bodybuilder.

  34. Mongoose Says:

    o/~ And I awoke
    faintly bouncing off the moon
    This story Devid Gerrold wrote o/~

  35. anon Says:

    They’re not space seamen by any chance?

  36. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @anon: no, then there would be long flagellae trailing behind them. 😉

  37. anon Says:

    @DSWBT: So, just regular spacemen two balls. The guy in the back is singing with air-mic all right, but the first one is air-keyboarding. So, I’m thinking Van Halen’s Jump.

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