Sep 24

It may have been unorthodox... but it was the best gymnastics floor routine the Olympics saw!Click for full image

Dead Stuff With Big Teeth comments: Theodore Sturgeon’s plan was to explain everything about the novel, except the cover. And no, that is not a huge obnoxious lens flare or an errant price tag.
Published 1983

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.48 out of 10)

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23 Responses to “Earthchild”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    So Vanessa Williams was right, sometimes the sun does go round the moon.

  2. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Yeah, yeah… isn’t it ALWAYS about discovering “the price of immortality”?

    How about discovering that immortality is awesome… for a change?

  3. SI Says:

    Interpretive dance was so much better in the early 80’s!

  4. Tat Wood Says:

    How is she balancing on that little blue marble when her weight’s so far off-centre?

    (@A.R.Yngve: James Blish did that in ‘Cities in Flight’ but they aren’t his best work).

  5. FeârofMusïc Says:

    ‘A tale of very human humans’. Man, that Sturgeon guy’s got a way with words. He should try bein’a writer himself. Or somethimg.

  6. Lionrock Says:

    “… And what’s the price of this here limited edition immortality? Well here at Crazy Theodore’s Discount Super- and Godlike Powers Warehouse we’re practically giving it away. It’s not $299! It’s not $199! For a limited time only the price of immortality is just $99.99! Buy two, get your choice of telepathy, telekinesis or power over the animals for just $25.99. Open 8 till 8, on highway 9 just past the Yellow Disc…”

  7. FearøfMusic Says:

    @Lionrock; Why, that sounds amazing! But wait. I have bad credit. How can someone like me, an ordinary person, take advantage of this deal of a lifetime opportunity? If only there was a way a regular person, like me, could afford this remarkable product. Oh, what shall I do?

  8. Bibliomancer Says:

    Is that a Pilates ball and a yoga student on the cover? Don’t be surprised to find this mis-shelved in the heath and exercise section of your local bookstore.

    @Tag Wizard — Is the “magical orb” tag in order here? Or is that ball not magical enough for ya.

  9. Rags Says:

    Is a “Triad” like a “Trilogy”? What exactly is a “human human”?

    “strong and many stranded” you say, like a comfy sweater?

  10. Tag Wizard Says:

    @B, you’re right. When was the last time the sun was translucent?

  11. Tat Wood Says:

    ‘Earth Song Triad’ were a notorious gang of Chinese racketeers who loved Michael Jackson: they all had tattoos saying ‘What About the Elephants?’

  12. Kripslod Says:

    Back when I was living up in the North Country, we had this ‘carny’ named Sturgeon who set up a semi-permanent storefront operation out on the far-end of Arch Street. He sold this awful tasting (at least that’s what Eustice Stinklmeier–that fat kid who hung out behind the Rexall– said) patent medicine called, “Immortality.” The gimmick was he would determine the price you paid based on the pattern of colors you created when you stood on his “Magical and Wondrous Mood Carpet.” Of course it was just thermochromic liquid crystal sealed up in a clear plastic bag, but as kids we never figured that out.

    This gig lasted for several months and this Sturgeon fellow was really racking in the cash until one day—as he put it, “That damn stupid rat showed up!” The trouble started when Mary Sue Ellen Hosensack’s dog, Bruno, got all charged-up after tasting a bit of Immortality that had been spilled on the road earlier that afternoon. Bruno was part dachshund, part pomeranian, part chihuahua, and as Eustice Stinklmeier claimed, also more than a little groundhog. And he would know. Eustice Stinkmeier knew everything and we kids hung on his every word. His older sister, Lucretia, got kicked by Old Man Korzeniowski’s mule and after that, she would only ever wear one shoe and it was said she had visions.

    Anyway, as I said, Bruno got all charged-up and lit into that “Magical and Wondrous Mood Carpet” like Billy Sunderake’s smell-hound on a nest of rabbits. Bruno was never right after that and it was said–by no greater authority than Eustice Stinklmeier himself—that you could predict the day’s weather by color of Bruno’s vomit.

    The sheriff had a sample of that Sturgeon fellow’s concoction sent down to Syracuse [NY] for testing and when the results came back they were hand delivered by two Federal agents. That was the end of Sturgeon and his “Immortality.” It turned out the elixir consisted of 85% alcohol, 4% oil of wintergreen, 3% spirit of turpentine, 3% acetone, 1% plain old leaded gasoline, and the remaining 4% was a mixture of phycotrophic vegetable alkaloids plus just a pinch of of this black sticky stuff he collected from moldy rye grains.

    I think the cover artist of this book must have been one of Sturgeon’s regular customers.

  13. Adam Roberts Says:

    It’s like Sturgeon’s blurb is being recorded in an big echoey room ‘ … a story of very verys human humans who discover covers …’

  14. Phil Says:

    I’m sorry, folks, but: BEHIND YOU!

    Is this book in the 95% part of Sturgeon’s Law?

  15. FearøfMusic Says:

    I wonder, do the human humans have dog dogs and cat cats in their house houses? Do they get up in the morning and have their coffee coffee before taking a train train to their job jobs?

    Oh, and that artwork is very art art as well.

  16. fred Says:

    Rhythmic gymnastics is too high a price to pay for immortality. Track and field would be OK.

  17. Jane Says:

    The font has tentacles.

  18. Lionrock Says:

    @Kripslod: See, now I’m intrigued by the good folks of the North Country and I shall be looking forward to your next instalment.

  19. Lionrock Says:

    @FearofMusic: “what’s that? You have bad credit? Why, that’s no problem at all. With Crazy Theodore’s Discount Super-and Godlike Powers Warehouse finance plans there’s a deal even if your credit history is as poor as ours! Talk to us about our Immortality4U Finance packages* today!”


  20. Stevie T Says:

    @A.R.: I’m with you. Why is it always “Everyone’s immortal and it sucks,” instead of, “Everyone’s immortal and you wouldn’t believe the awesome stuff that led to.” Maybe this is a genre we can challenge the next generation of writers to come up with.

  21. Tat Wood Says:

    @Stevie T and AR: you might want to look back at the seventies, when this was a whole sub-genre.

  22. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @ST, AR, TW: this is just the tip of the iceberg. ‘Everyone’s immortal and they’re prone to fits of hysterical laughter.’ ‘Everyone’s immortal and can’t stop watching Bristol Rovers matches on the telly.’ ‘Everyone’s immortal, but nobody knows about it because it’s a private matter and you’re reluctant to talk about it and you hope the other fellow brings it up.’

  23. Rev Says:

    Wasn’t the basis of Hercules that everyone else was immortal and he wasn’t but he used to be and it sucked that he wasn’t anymore?

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