Oct 20

Now this here model is what we call The Widowmaker! Next I'll show you the The Lumberjack and then The Punisher.Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: And that bit right there is his, um, Little Widowmaker.
Published 1998

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.86 out of 10)

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33 Responses to “The Widowmaker Unleashed”

  1. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Or was the original title BEEFCAKE UNLEASHED…?

  2. Lionrock Says:

    “Gee, Bob , don’t you think he’s going to be pissed when he wakes up and finds his goolies have gone?”

  3. Tat Wood Says:

    I was wondering what had happened to Vanilla Ice.

    If pony-tail guy’s shirtsleeves and the lab-coat are any indication, the primary light-source in that room is the blurb at the bottom of the cover.

  4. THX 1138 Says:

    “Pass me the sword, Igor, et voila, our life-size Oscar.”

  5. Adam Roberts Says:

    ‘My new energy-saving lightbulb will revolutionise street lighting!’

  6. SI Says:

    “Ok guys… I’m just going to get a picture of the Widowmaker for his baby photobook… or cloned tube photobook.

    Jeff… why don’t you look thoughtful or something and Bob… point one of your thingy-ma-jiggers at him and look busy.”

  7. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:


    The doctor has a fold in his trouser leg that, combined with that black light wozmit behind him, makes him look as though he has a strange sort of tail.

  8. A.R.Yngve Says:

    A legendary stripper comes back to life — only to find himself marked for exploitation!

  9. Bibliomancer Says:

    Hunk-in-a-Bottle seems to be quite popular with sci-fi cover artists lately:

    Here at the Old Spice After Shave research lab we see the secret fragrance ingredient that goes into each batch.

  10. FeãrofMusïc Says:

    Considering the precipitous decline in those participating in the institution of marriage at this time, it doesn’t seem inconceivable that in the future being a ‘Widowmaker’ might be an obsolete job skill

    Then again, ‘Baby’ s Daddy Killer’ just doesn’t sound all that menacing.

  11. Tom Noir Says:

    Anyone else think that those bits suspending him in the capsule look like a pair of robot arms extending down to give him a soothing massage?

  12. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    The fellow on the right has TWO light sabres, and a gun on his right hip. Question: why is he so heavily armed?

  13. fred Says:

    Gun belt, utility belt, and probably one holding up his pants.

  14. B. Chiclitz Says:

    I’m more intrigued by that smarmy hand-under-the-chin meditative/reflective pose. What could he possibly be pondering?

    “Oh, if only I were a widow,” perhaps.

    Also—what the heck is the doctor wearing above his shoes?
    Are those zero-g spats of the the future?

  15. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:


  16. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The cover was originally a piece of “concept art” for a projected sequel to Patrick Susskind’s super-bestseller THE PERFUME… but for some reason Susskind rejected the publisher’s proposal for THE PERFUME 2: SCENT OF A MAN.

    Gee, I wonder why?

  17. Rags Says:

    Ponytail man has a green toothbrush in his utility belt, i kid you not….

  18. Lionrock Says:

    Pony tail man is clearly a new romantic. Look at the swashbuckler chic clothes, the daft hair and the smug poncy stance.

    I imagine the cylinders hanging from his belt are a can of hairspray and emergency guyliner.

  19. anon Says:

    @Bibliomancer Secret ingredient? Mancrotch?

  20. A.R.Yngve Says:

    There ought to be a stiff fine for certain SF cover cliches:

    1. Human in a vat…. 1,000 USD
    2. Woman in full armor with big cleavage leaving heart exposed….2,000 USD
    3. Anything with tentacles lusting for a human female….5,000 USD
    4. Naked brain alive in vat, on top of head, connected to machine, floating in space, etc. …10,000 USD
    5. Spacesuit that obviously doesn’t work ….15,000 USD
    6. Rugged male defends helpless female from alien menace… 20,000 USD
    7. Spaceship resembling a giant wang… 25,000 USD

  21. rev Says:

    A legendary killer comes back to life – only to find himself naked in a vat with his pubes on his head.

  22. Tom Noir Says:

    Hey, I just noticed that Ponytail appears to have a gun sticking out of his butt.

  23. THX 1138 Says:

    “There’s something important you’ve missed.”

  24. fred Says:

    They are waiting for the golden glow to concentrate into a TING! centered on his Dick Blade.

  25. Bibliomancer Says:

    Hey, don’t we have a “people in bottles” tag by now?

  26. JuanPaul Says:

    Paul Reiser as Frank-n-Furter, Sean Connery as Riff Raff

    He’s been making a man, with blonde hair and a tan
    And he’s good for well, you know what he’s good for…

  27. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Doc: Whoa, I’m gonna need a bigger space micrometer to measure that.

    Ponytail: Oh my, that is a problem, isn’t it?

  28. Tat Wood Says:

    How often will I have to re-read the title before I stop seeing it as ‘Windowlicker’?

  29. Bruce A Munro Says:

    “His genitals are emitting radiation powerful enough to fog film!”

  30. JuanPaul Says:

    @TatWood Many, many times.

  31. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I’m wondering what’s with the guy on the right, who appears to have gotten his cosplay confused, with a mix of his “Hamilton” costume and his “Star Wars” accessories.

    Don’t we have a “yellow” tag? If not, can we get one?

    @fred: Dick Blade should be so lucky — at least neither of these guys looks like a pervy hunchback. They might grease him up, though.

  32. Tag Wizard Says:

    @GSSxN – It’s not “yellow”. It’s GOLD!

  33. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I bow to your Tag-ness.

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