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Nov 29

I'm a young Dan Aykroyd, and this is my star wars blaster. Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: La de da. Just out for a jaunty, inconspicuous stroll in my black leathers and goggles. Pay no attention to the laser blaster held awkwardly behind my back!
Published 2003

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.71 out of 10)
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27 Responses to “The Mocking Program”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    Urban paintball – it could catch on. Also, is The Mocking Program a possible automatic computerised version of this very site?

  2. Tat Wood Says:

    The trigger-phrase for the android bomb was: “But if he’s Neil Gaiman, I must be…”

  3. Jaouad Says:

    The Mocking Copper is a passerine police detective found most commonly under street lamps in dim alleyways. It is especially prevalent on foggy evenings, and then tends to display its winter coat of sunglasses, black leatherette and fake super soaker.

  4. Kripslod Says:

    “Are you mocking me? Maybe you need a little dose of ….. sarcasm and hyperbole.”

  5. A.R.Yngve Says:

    One day, they mocked Melvin one step too far for his short arms.

  6. Bibliomancer Says:

    I’ve got a great marketing promotion for you:

    The Mocking Program. The new mobile phone app from Good Show Sir. Available for Android and iPhones. Get Tag Wizard working on that.

  7. fred Says:

    Suggested new tag – bad hair day.

  8. Rags Says:

    “I wear my sunglases at night, so I can, so i can…..”

    A. Look like a complete tool
    B. Try to disctract people from seeing i have an inverted left arm, sleep hair and no right arm
    C. Showing off my Johnny Cash halloween costume
    D. Going for long walks in the rain while brooding about the fact “nobody understands me…” sigh

  9. StevenLP Says:

    “By having my hair flop over one side of my forehead the phrase ‘receding hairline’ will occur to absolutely noone”

  10. Don Hilliard Says:

    10 REM THE MOCKING PROGRAM
    20 CLS
    30 PRINT”NEENER NEENER NEENER”
    40 GOTO 20
    RUN

  11. Kwyjor Says:

    The most Leifeldian cover ever!

  12. SI Says:

    “Something’s wrong with the title of the book again… it seems to be dripping!”

  13. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    The complete blurb:

    ‘Blending the title six times on the cover does not constitute exciting, fast-paced futuristic action, no matter what the art department would lead you to believe. – Science Fiction Chronicle

  14. Bibliomancer Says:

    @Don Hilliard — Kudos. Reminds me of the infinite-loop shampoo instructions: “Lather, Rinse, Repeat”.

  15. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD 2: THE MOCKING PROGRAM.

    Gregory Peck’s rejuvenated body as Atticus ‘Gauss Cannon’ Finch.

  16. Lionrock Says:

    Morrissey – the bounty hunter years.

  17. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Isn’t that actually Alan Dean Foster Grants?

  18. Rachel J Says:

    Well… let’s not be too hard on the Art Department. Here’s an actual quote from the book (supplied courtesy of a reviewer):
    “The ganglet of ninlocos arrived before the food did. They swaggered in past the protesting door, the lanky chieflado in the lead spizzing it with a spinner whose ident was torqued to reflect instead of inform. Behind the chingaroon ambulated a group of negs and poses, though which was who and who was witch [sic] was hard to say at first glance.”

  19. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The prose reads like a gang of teens who are using their own home-made lingo to hide the fact that they’re not that cool.

  20. Bibliomancer Says:

    @Rachel J — That reads like a second-rate Clockwork Orange wannabe.

  21. Rachel J Says:

    @A.R.Yngve. At least now we know why so many publishers feel the need to stress that their books are “…readable…”

    @Bibliomancer. Indeed; meanwhile, the sample chapter is like some sort of cyberpunk/dystopian cliché partymix to the point where I’m starting to think “mocking” is meant in the sense of “imitating” and refers to the software used to write the novel.

  22. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Rachel: Hm, then let’s try the mocking program on some other works:

    Shakespeare: Nowz discontenting it wint-wint, k but York summerz it up glorious; and the ocean tits are torqued to deep sdead of lourd.

    Melville: The ganglet of Ishmaels swaggered to sea with a way they have in their cyber-spleens and biocierculation.

    Plath: Pure hell triple tongues tendon sin sin snuffed smokes scarf yellow who was witch.

  23. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @DSWBT—
    They were mocked. They were programmed. Their indents reflected reflections. It was real and nazz, but not good.
    Hemingway?

  24. anon Says:

    Ah. The Matrix done older.

  25. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    Is that Warner Books sign “on” the front cover, or is it a part of the cover and is an ad on the side of a phone booth?

  26. HappyBookworm Says:

    @ Don Hilliard – nice one. I was thinking that in the future everyone will be so “cool” that we will need programs to do the mocking for us.

    Either that, or Mr,-Shades-and-Conspicuous-Blaster has a nice program of mocking all lined up for himself. (“seven to eight PM – mock people without leather jackets like mine…eight to nine, mock Alan Dean Foster, etc.)

  27. DaveM Says:

    Am I the only one who thinks the cover model looks like a young Dan Aykroyd? “Blues brothers 3, no more Mr nice musician”

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