When the barbarian hordes started loading their catapults with chubby, baroque babies even the battle-hardened soldiers of the XII legion lost their resolve.
This is the perfect embarrassing baby photo the kid’s mother can bring out to show all and sundry in twenty years’ time. In fact, it’s embarrassing now.
To the right there’s what appears to be an escaping soldier (dude in blue). I thought he threw the Baen logo behind him like a grenade or a bomb as he made his escape. Maybe it’s a weapon of mass execration.
The charioteers look truly horrified at the idea that Flying Baby is about to take a leak in their general direction. I suppose I would be terrified too, if just prior he had pooped a Baen logo out. Or maybe the Baen logo is what they’re truly afraid of….
I love how the archer (and the massing hordes behind him) doesn’t even look surprised, like he sees this sort of thing every day.
This cover would be a perfect one for a certain Stanislaw Lem short story from “The Cyberiad”. The way-too-wordy but descriptive title of said story is “The Fourth Sally or How Trurl built a Femfatalatron to Save Prince Pantagoon from the Pangs of Love, and How Later He Resorted to a Cannonade of Babies”.
Of course we now realize that the name of this book refers to FoxNews controlling the free world because the grumpy old man who has wandered into the White House can’t stop watching it.
I thought maybe GSS was messing with us and stuck a nekkid bebe sticker on the cover instead of our favourite sheep mascot, but no, this is the undoctored cover? And did I read correctly, no one dared utter it? So I get to?
“Look out! Here comes the infantry!”
(Alas, I did not come up with that on my own. Childishly punny fantasy series, you know the one… ).
@GSS ex-noob: It’s true – I can review comments of the worst covers ever without dropping the laptop in a fit of giggles, but when a small child makes a nuisance of himself at a swordfight… I sheepishly put the noob hat back on for at least another week.
March 5th, 2014 at 9:43 am
Whatever’s on the underside of beardy-man’s shield most be truly horrifying to distract him from Mannekin Pis floating nearby.
A mirror, perhaps?
March 5th, 2014 at 10:00 am
When the barbarian hordes started loading their catapults with chubby, baroque babies even the battle-hardened soldiers of the XII legion lost their resolve.
March 5th, 2014 at 10:14 am
How…long…do you think I can keep this… baby… up…in.. the air…by bouncing him up….with….my shield?
And how…long…before he…vomits?
March 5th, 2014 at 10:24 am
Oh dear god.
March 5th, 2014 at 11:40 am
Even the horse is horrified…
March 5th, 2014 at 11:44 am
‘…an Ah hit the bay-bee so hard wit mah shield, a Baen symbol went flyin’ outta his butt!’
March 5th, 2014 at 11:47 am
Are those white marks by the baby’s butt just scratches in the cover, or is that chemical warfare?
March 5th, 2014 at 11:55 am
Is this Chief Vitalstatistix as a boy?
March 5th, 2014 at 12:13 pm
This is the perfect embarrassing baby photo the kid’s mother can bring out to show all and sundry in twenty years’ time. In fact, it’s embarrassing now.
March 5th, 2014 at 12:57 pm
To the right there’s what appears to be an escaping soldier (dude in blue). I thought he threw the Baen logo behind him like a grenade or a bomb as he made his escape. Maybe it’s a weapon of mass execration.
March 5th, 2014 at 3:26 pm
Following the baby bombardment, will be a fusillade of fairest young maidens.
March 5th, 2014 at 3:45 pm
“No. I am your father.”
March 5th, 2014 at 5:45 pm
“Hey, you no make pee-pee on my new shield!”
Looks like something Caravaggio might have painted, had he been insane.
March 6th, 2014 at 11:21 am
Baen had the cherub painted onto the cover to appeal to Turtledove’s sizable teenage-unwed-mother reader demographic.
March 6th, 2014 at 9:14 pm
Asterix And The Floating Baby
March 7th, 2014 at 12:53 am
The charioteers look truly horrified at the idea that Flying Baby is about to take a leak in their general direction. I suppose I would be terrified too, if just prior he had pooped a Baen logo out. Or maybe the Baen logo is what they’re truly afraid of….
I love how the archer (and the massing hordes behind him) doesn’t even look surprised, like he sees this sort of thing every day.
March 7th, 2014 at 12:56 am
And what sort of tagline is “The Empire: It’s Baaack….”?
Because, of course, the Roman Empire was such a hoot the first time around, right?
March 7th, 2014 at 9:26 am
@Stevie T: Maybe it’s the re-opening of the Hackney Empire they’re talking about it, and the cover depicts Griff Rhys Jones’ deep-rooted fears.
March 7th, 2014 at 5:39 pm
Was this the cruel Roman equivalent of the Chinese Juggler?
March 11th, 2014 at 8:55 pm
Laughing so hard because the “hunkbutt” tag is used on this one. Good one GSS.
August 27th, 2015 at 1:37 am
@Tag Wizard: No “beard-wielding” tag. This shortcoming ought to be rectified.
This is the kind of cover that inspires snickering whenever you even think about it because of how utterly fucking bizarre and nonsensical it is.
December 19th, 2015 at 11:29 pm
SPOILERS!
The Empire: It’s Baaack…and it has a refreshing absence of lens flare. Thank you for your restraint, Mr. Abrams!
December 20th, 2015 at 7:08 am
With inspiration failing and deadline looming, BAEN’s tagline writer rushed back from a night at the cinema…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wQKKj_qeOBQ
March 5th, 2016 at 1:29 pm
I can’t believe no one has said this:
The Empire: It’s Baaack…
Sheep and Empire
March 6th, 2016 at 10:03 pm
Ah-ha! Now we know what the fox says!
March 24th, 2016 at 5:46 am
That is, actually, a pretty accurate depiction of a scene in the book. The “baby” is a demigod, the son of the God of Wine and a mortal woman.
But then, aren’t book covers that look like what’s inside the book one of the Biblical signs of Armageddon?
March 24th, 2016 at 3:53 pm
This cover would be a perfect one for a certain Stanislaw Lem short story from “The Cyberiad”. The way-too-wordy but descriptive title of said story is “The Fourth Sally or How Trurl built a Femfatalatron to Save Prince Pantagoon from the Pangs of Love, and How Later He Resorted to a Cannonade of Babies”.
August 11th, 2017 at 12:58 pm
Of course we now realize that the name of this book refers to FoxNews controlling the free world because the grumpy old man who has wandered into the White House can’t stop watching it.
August 12th, 2017 at 5:56 am
@Tom Noir: Wow, them blonde Fox Babes are getting younger every year, then.
April 4th, 2022 at 3:00 am
I thought maybe GSS was messing with us and stuck a nekkid bebe sticker on the cover instead of our favourite sheep mascot, but no, this is the undoctored cover? And did I read correctly, no one dared utter it? So I get to?
“Look out! Here comes the infantry!”
(Alas, I did not come up with that on my own. Childishly punny fantasy series, you know the one… ).
@rev – awwwww… memories of a happily geeky childhood:
https://www.deviantart.com/beatlesfangirl15/art/Asterix-and-Obelix-when-they-were-babies-875198117
April 4th, 2022 at 10:48 pm
@Emster: you’ve been here long enough (i.e. more than a week) to know that GSS doesn’t have to doctor the covers from this publisher.
Much as we sometimes wish –nay, pray — they would.
April 5th, 2022 at 2:42 am
@GSS ex-noob: It’s true – I can review comments of the worst covers ever without dropping the laptop in a fit of giggles, but when a small child makes a nuisance of himself at a swordfight… I sheepishly put the noob hat back on for at least another week.
September 1st, 2022 at 2:39 pm
The closest ‘Mr Mom’ baby/chili scene there is on youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t794eVHOIvo
January 9th, 2024 at 10:55 pm
The archer seems to be aiming at his own men, unless there’s something even scarier out of view near the ground than Mannekin Pis.
He should be shooting either the levitating toddler, or at least the BAEN! etc etc logo.