Jun 04

They can't kill me! I'm the main character!Click for full image

Dead Stuff with Big Teeth Comments: I was visiting my brother in Chicago. I showed him the site. Then we tried to complete the sentence on the cover of this book. Here are our efforts –

THE HERO…has his face stuck in a trash compactor!
…is wearing green gelatin!
…holds snowmen holding rifles in contempt!
…gets to have a double iris!
…has such kissable lips!
…was almost THE HEROT!
…looks like the dude from Aphex Twin!
…knows Christmas colors are the new teal and orange!
Published 2005

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.81 out of 10)

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19 Responses to “The Hero”

  1. Tat Wood Says:

    …is the Dough-Boy in the background.

    I mean, it’s Baen, they dude with the gun HAS to be the protagonist, right?

    And what’s a ‘Posleen’? Is this a war about leprechauns vs space-mercenaries, again?

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    The Hero… searching for somewhere to relax his face.

  3. Bibliomancer Says:

    Face number 1,001 for Joseph Campbell.

  4. nmkeating Says:

    This was an early draft cover for a Beatles biography. It didn’t make it.

  5. A.R.Yngve Says:

    As far as I can tell, “Posleen” are those conveniently evil alien hordes which give the “heroes” a convenient excuse to be violent and militaristic, and which only exist in Military SF.

  6. fred Says:

    Does having cat eyes make you an official cat person?
    Is it a war against the posleen? Are the p, po, pos, posl, polse, poslee fighting the osleen, sleen, leen, een, en, or n? Is posleen a place, thing, concept, snack food, sitcom character?

  7. NCB Says:

    I’m going with has such kissable lips.

    Wait, wait, Wikipedia has an entry for posleen:

    Posleen are a fictional alien race, created by the science fiction author John Ringo for his Legacy of the Aldenata series of books. The Posleen are a race of genetically engineered reptilian centaurs, supposedly designed by the long lost race – the Aldenata – to be the ultimate warriors.

    I take back the kissable lips thing.

  8. Phil Says:

    Should really be:

    John Ringo
    Paul George

  9. RachelJ Says:

    Ah, the Posleen! You may remember them from this game, I mean book:

  10. FeãrofMüsic Says:

    Half of a ‘Kubrick Stare’ is not half as intimidating. It is, however, totally ridiculous looking . I choose not to further contemplate the actual bone structure of the face which would lead to a possible mental image of the entire face .

  11. RachelJ Says:

    @Bibliomancer. Actual quote (last line) from the Amazon blurb for this book:

    “The hero has a thousand faces, but is one of them the face of an elf?”

  12. Bibliomancer Says:

    @RachelJ — Time for me to hang it up when the Baen blurb writer is anticipating my snarky comments!

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Is Aldenata like pasta al dente, only not as tasty?

  14. Bibliomancer Says:

    @B. Chiclitz — Aldenata: not as tasty and harder to swallow.

  15. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bibliomancer – good to hear your voice. I thought you were awaiting moderation in the phantom zone.

  16. HappyBookwyrm Says:

    It would seems that the universe the hero is in is actually named the “Universe of the Posleen War” since it’s all capitalized. Then again, “Science Fiction Adventure” is also in tile font so maybe it’s just a signal that what happens in this book is Important. At least to THE HERO and the man in the infrared scope about to shoot him…

    @Bibliomancer – Kudos for the cultural reference. We need more like you.

  17. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Was there ever a weaker blurb than “Science Fiction Adventure…” — surely it was made to be read in the most monotone voice you can manage.

    “Fantasy Adventure in the universe of Lord of the Rings”…

    “Detective Adventure in the universe of Sherlock Holmes”…

  18. Tom Noir Says:

    ♫ I need a hero… ♫

    But not this one.

  19. A. R. Yngve Says:

    Q: Why is the book titled “The Hero”?

    A: Because the original title “Psychotically Smiling Killer Who Enjoys Mass Murder, Woo-Hoo!” was considered too crude – and too revealing.

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