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Oct 29

Penis pumps of the futureClick for larger image

Priscilla’s Art Direction: I want a manly cover filled with masculine symbolism. I want the cover to scream “look at me, I’m hard sf”. So don’t just dick around on this one. Make it pop!

Published 1975

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.50 out of 10)
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35 Responses to “The Outdated Man”

  1. THX 1139 Says:

    This kind of vibrating tension will never go out of date.

  2. Bruce A Munro Says:

    “Mommy, the kids from the next floating city over say we’re a bunch of dildos, what does that mean?”

  3. fred Says:

    Hmmmm….Dick Glass. Explains a lot.

    “Welcome to the Standard Nightmare” Robert Sheckley “The Expensive Delicate Ship” Brian W. Aldiss “Dreaming & Conversions: Two Rules By Which to Live” Barry N. Malzberg “Breakout in Ecol 2” David R. Bunch “The Cold War…Continued” Mack Reynolds “The Factory” Naomi Mitchison “The Defensive Bomber” Hank Dempsey (see Pseudonyms) “Endorsement, Personal” Dean McLaughlin “The National Pastime” Norman Spinrad “The Ultimate End” Dick Glass “Pity the Poor Outdated Man” Philip Shofner “The Exhibition” Scott Edel stein “Sketches Among the Ruins of My Mind” Philip Jose Farmer

  4. JuanPaul Says:

    “Thirteen” just say, “thirteen”. You bunch of dicks.

  5. A.R.Yngve Says:

    THE OUTDATED MAN
    The Steven Seagal Story

  6. Francis Boyle Says:

    Mmmm, meringue. I wonder if it’s white and sticky inside.

  7. Paul Says:

    My God… it’s full of dildos.

  8. Bibliomancer Says:

    @JuanPaul – It’s a baker’s dozen of stories!

  9. Tor Mented Says:

    The fortress of Emperor Wang?

  10. Anna T. Says:

    My my, what an interesting city design you have there.

    (And by interesting I mean extremely Freudian.)

  11. Tat Wood Says:

    Outdated? You mean nobody uses jelly-moulds any more?

  12. THX 1139 Says:

    I didn’t know Ayn Rand wrote science fiction.

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    I suppose that’s “Hairy Harry” Henderson.

  14. JuanPaul Says:

    Is there a term for a cluster of dildos? You know, like a flock of birds, school of fish, herd of buffalo, etc.?

  15. Bibliomancer Says:

    A phalanx of phalluses, a battery of vibrators, a mob of magicwands?

  16. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Why is there a giant pterodactyl perching atop the tallest let’s-call-it-a-tower? Is it planning to build a nest? Fulfilling a fetish?

  17. Tor Mented Says:

    @Bruce: You’re right, it’s a pterodactyl. But before I enlarged the picture to look, I thought the tower had … um … gotten excited.

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    The Outdated Man:
    #metoo #timesup

    Why, for being all futuristic and prophetic, did they pick the (partial) title that is exactly the opposite? And not even by the biggest (har) name author? Perhaps they didn’t realize that the title would become quite literal sooner than they would have liked.

    Lady Michison must have been just thrilled about being in this one.

    Pterodactyl dick sounds like something extremely unpleasant to have.

    @Fred: The persons responsible for the cover really gravitated to that title and author, didn’t they? But glass dicks aren’t a good idea either.

    @JuanPaul: agreed. It’s 13, you knobs.

  19. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Being scared of thirteen is definitely not very futuristic.

  20. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Tor M, @BAM—Silly me, I thought it was a French Tickler!

  21. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @JP, @B’mancer—a troop of tools, a pride of plonkers, a sojourn of snakes, a ward of wangs, a parliament of pricks, a bloat of boners . . .?

  22. DaveM Says:

    “They said my sex toy designs were overly complicated and impractical! Fools! I’ll show them! I’ll show them all! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-hah!”

  23. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    Selections of vibrators are available in bargain multipacks? – Is that why the man is feeling outdated?

  24. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Vlttp: Good Show Sir or Madam! I LOL. You’ve sussed it out.

    Judging by the “ships” over on the left, the vibrators even deliver themselves.

  25. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    @GSSxn: You now have me wondering how accurately those self-delivering models target their customers – and hoping the fins are retractable.

  26. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Let’s hope the delivery only goes to the person’s address.

    (I deliberately omitted the fin speculation. Shudder.)

    (Unless one likes that sort of thing, in which case one should not discuss it in gentle company.)

  27. THX 1139 Says:

    Let’s not start kinkshaming or this thread will turn into a real clusterf- no, I won’t go there.

  28. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I don’t care what anyone does among consenting adults in private — am entirely agreed with Mrs. Campbell:

    “so long as they don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses!” Or the faint of heart.

    I do think @THX has correctly (almost) chosen the perfect term to describe this illustration!

    (And even if one likes the fins, one wouldn’t want them unexpectedly delivered at work!)

  29. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    @THX1139: Agreed, kinkshaming should be avoided – unless your kink involves humiliation, in which case shaming should be strictly within previously agreed limits, (and strictness should also be strictly within previously agreed limits)

    @GSSxn: I can’t speak for anyone else, but I can at least assure you that I have never performed any act that has frightened, or otherwise involved, a horse.

    Including the flying ones I count 22 dildos in the picture. Is there a prize if you get it right?

  30. THX 1139 Says:

    @Verylate: Yes, you win the dildos.

  31. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Well, then, @Vlltp has their Christmas gifts sorted. Everyone they know is getting a futuristic white dildo, As Seen On TV Dell Books!

  32. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    Last year everyone complained ‘Not socks again.’ – well I’m not having that this year! Conveniently, they also fit very well into a reasonably sized Christmas cracker.

  33. GSS ex-noob Says:

    You’d probably still best give the socks (and conventional crackers) to the children, though.

  34. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    As long as I’m very careful not to mix up any of the gift tags, it should be fine.

  35. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Or at least educational.

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