Dec 22

Call me Büm-hilda!Click for Butt Augmentation

Bibliomancer Comments: More like: Rectum on a Planet of Nightmares
Published 1972

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.67 out of 10)

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18 Responses to “Exiles of the Stars”

  1. JuanPaul Says:

    We have life drawing, one point perspective, color wash, and a shaded sphere. Looks like year one in art school.

  2. Tat Wood Says:

    Guitar Hero got a lot more baroque after I stopped playing.

  3. fred Says:

    I can get behind the concept of She Hulk as Thor.

  4. Raoul Says:


    From: Ace Marketing Department
    To: Ace Art Department

    Paperback sales are down this quarter. Start putting more ass on the covers.

  5. THX 1138 Says:

    The end of the Star Trek credits from a different perspective? You know what Gene was like.

  6. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘Big’ Bill, as we knew him, was three years ahead of me at school. He was good at sports, drove his father’s Fiat, always had a girl on his arm. Looking back, I suppose I was a big jealous of him and his success. He wasn’t the stereotype, mind you. But I feel like I’ve exaggerated his coolness towards the underclassmen after all these years.

    Anyway, one cold winter morning, I caught sight of Big Bill in the parking lot of the school. There was one spot in the shadow of the gymnasium that he favoured, and he was sitting on the boot of the car, at work on something.

    It would have been the random flotsam and jetsam of the day, except I twigged that I’d dropped my lunch back at the bus stop. I wasted no time hurrying back to fetch it. On my return, I saw a scrap of paper in a wad by the concrete waste bin. I picked it up unthinkingly.

    It was an envelope, with Bill’s name on the address and the local university’s name on the return. It was a small envelope, the kind that can’t hold more that a short letter.

    I looked up to meet Bill’s eyes. He’d come up to me unaware. ‘Big Bill,’ I said, ‘I’m sorry.’

    ‘You shut your mouth,’ Bill said, snatching the envelope away and stuffing it into the waste bin. ‘You shut your big mouth, you hear? You don’t know nothin’.’

    ‘Big Bill,’ I said, ‘Wrecked on a planet of nightmares.’

    We both lowered our eyes in shame and hurried off to our respective classes.

    Today, it’s ‘White Sale Bill’, owner of a local chain of appliance sales and service stores. There’s talk Bill make seek election to the city council here soon. Bill’s friends? I saw one with a freshly-Botoxed face and a trophy husband at the Galway Races this year. And me? Why, I’m writing ridiculous fan fiction about the worst sci-fi fantasy covers semi-anonymously on the Internet.

  7. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @TW: I can think of two reasons we might want the ‘moon’ tag. 😉

  8. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Always obey the intergalactic crossing guard or you will end up wrecked, on a planet of nightmares.

  9. JuanPaul Says:

    Is this semaphore adaptation of Dune?

    Reference for the younger crowd:

  10. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Every year, there’s another attempt to “modernize” Wagner’s tedious, pompous, overlong operas…

  11. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @TW: why the ‘perspective problems’ tag? She seems to be waltzing along on four beams with a common vanishing point.

    If anything, this cover shows the need for a ‘lady in green’ or ‘Jennifer Walters’ tag.

  12. GSS noob Says:

    Definitely needs a moon tag. Also something about the excessive green.

    Are the nightmares about constant nekkid interpretive dance? If that’s the whole planet, at least the tag line is correct. Shudder.

  13. Tag Wizard Says:

    Everyone’s howling at the moon here. Tag updated.

    @DSWBT – I wanted to add a “perspective” tag but all we had available was “perspective problems.”

  14. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @TW: well, I would say that it looks like a stringed instrument in planar view, but I wouldn’t say you’re making the cover a lyre. 😉

  15. Anna T. Says:

    @A.R. Yngve: Well, if the aliens can do Shakespeare, than moving on to the Ring Cycle was somewhat inevitable.

  16. Tom Hering Says:

    The cover painting is undoubtedly by Davis Meltzer, one of the regular artists for Ace in the early ’70s.

  17. Tag Wizard Says:

    If Tom Hering says undoubtedly, then undoubtedly it is. Artist tag updated.

  18. A. R. Yngve Says:

    The German edition was titled
    “Der Große Viking Badünkadünk”.

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